When did you realise you were gay? At what age?
I don't know why I didn't know earlier that I was a lesbian, I never knew any lesbians as a role model, I didn't see any portrayed in media or see any in stories that I read, so I really didn't know what one was. Like someone else said, I knew I was different, and at some level I even knew I was attracted to women, but I stuffed that way back in my head because it was too scary to think about. There were lots of little signs, though, if I had only knew to look at them.
To further complicate matters, when I grew up and actually saw a couple of lesbians, they were very masculine. I'm feminine, and I am attracted to feminine women. I'm not attracted to masculine women any more than I am to men, thats just a personal thing. At any rate, it wasn't anything I really focused on or thought about until much later, because I knew if I even so much as thought about it I would acknowledge it. And if I acknowledged it Satan would put a sexy gay woman in my path and I wouldn't be able to resist her. Ha. Like that was ever going to happen in Montana!!
Do you think your family upbringing made you gay or do you consider you were just born that way?
The theory that we were shaped by family interaction has long been debunked and is only trotted out (to my knowledge) by anti-gay pastors. And, in fact, there was such a theory about gay men, but that I have ever heard of about lesbians. I believe that there is a genetic component, there may also be some nurture, the jury is still out. But in my family the gay relations are all on my dad's side of the family, there are none on my mom's. I have a gay brother, a gay uncle, a gay cousin, and a gay great great uncle, though there are most likely more that I don't know about too.
Do you have heterosexual siblings? If so, how have they responded to you?
I have five brothers and one sister. As can be expected, the JW family shun me, and the non JW family do not. They could really care less of my orientation (the ones that do not shun). I also have a son, and he is one of my best friends and loves me.
Do your parents know? If so, how have they reacted to you?
My parents say that I am dead to them. I was not DFd or DAd, and they talked to me still (of course to try to guilt me into coming back, mostly) but the second they found out I 'm gay they cut me off. Mom now likes to tell people that I am demonized. Guess thats the only reason she thinks I could end up this way.
Do you not fancy men at all, i.e. do you not think you could ever have a deeply loving relationship with a man, even marrying him for life?
I partially answered this above, but I was married. I married because I was supposed to. I even thought I loved him until later when I found out what that really felt like. But I am not attracted to men, nor do I find men's bits at all attractive or exciting. In fact before I ever admitted this to myself, while I was deep in denial, I always kind of found the male "stuff" kind of repulsive (sorry).
This next question is sensitive, I'm sorry: I've heard that some gay women use sexual items, like dildos. If a gay woman uses these why, then, wouldn't she go with a man?
Yes, there are some gay women that use these. Just like there are some married heterosexual men that use anal toys. In most cases you'll find that the women who do use these buy ones not shaped like a male's "ahem" bits. As for me and those that I have been with, toys are totally not necessary nor desired.
Do you find the term 'Lesbian' offensive?
Nope
Some gay women really do look masculine. If a gay woman goes with suchlike why, then, won't she go with a man?
Well I don't find masculine women as attractive, but even if I did, I think the answer is, they are not men, they don't have male parts, they have female parts, they don't act like men, they don't feel like men, they don't smell like men, they understand women, and they love women. I don't know if I have answered it, because I'm not an authority, but this just isn't an apples-to-apples comparison here.
Again, if you are a gay woman/girl I sincerely apologise if you have found anything offensive here. I would be profoundly grateful if you would answer my questions. If you would rather pm me, fine. For what it's worth, I do have gay friends - but they are all male
No offense, I know this post is old but I only just saw it resurrected (along with Linda - that gave me a bit of a startle), so I'm answering now.
BTW, hope you are feeling well and everything is going ok. Happy holidays to you and your family, Ian.
Sherry
