Posts by airwlk149

20

New Here...Am I Apostate???

by Sirona_Celtic in

im 25 years old and from the uk.

i havent attended the hall for a couple of years.

i looked into the jws online because i knew in my heart that the guilt they make you feel and the mass destruction they preach just isnt right.

"apostate" and the term "worldly" are the two terms that leave a bad taste in my mouth. they are labels. but if you think about everyone is "labeled" at the kingdom hall. I am personally "inactive" but you could be "active". if your active, your either just a "publisher" a "pioneer", whether you are an "auxillary" or a "regular" is up to you. then there are the "ministeral servants" the "elder's" the "PO" the "CO" and the list can go on and on.

i know i sound like i am rambling on and making a point that everyone here already knows. but the jw's swear that they are unlike "false religion" and they don't have titles or ranks. BULSHIT! they sooo have special ranks and privileges. i mean come on, my ex boyfriend didn't get disfellowshipped because both his dad and fleshly brother was on his committee, and my dad was barely on the "school".

let them call you apostate. well, they will no matter what. try not to let it bother you so much. they call me things behind my back and at first it irked me SO much, but now i could care less. i am much more happier having them call my stuff and not being there than to be there and everyone being all fake. jw's are the meanest religion. i am personally turned off by religion now.

sirona,
do what makes you happy. they claim that they can give you "eternal happiness" but only you can do that.

i wish you all the luck in the world.

with all my love,
katie

7

To mymailmum

by individuals wife in

mymailmum.

yet again i am reading your stock answers to new posters... with all respect - cant you come up with anything new?

obviously you are working on repetition for emphasis this week in your ministry school - only it wont work here i'm afraid!

airwlk149

at first when i read what mymailmum had written to me in my post, it made me upset. icried because he made me feel bad. but then those felings of guilt turnd into anger. MYMAILMUM: whoever you are, you are the one that has a sad life. you are still under these terrible people who decieve you into believing that they are there beccause of jehovah. i hope that after you read, REALLY read, some of the posts you will see what i see: a facade.

-katie

5

My Goodness...Where do I begin?

by precious_lil_1 in

well i must admit that i have been viewing many different stories here in the forum and as i sit here and type mine, my eyes are welling up with tears.

they are not tears of sadness but rather tears of joy to finally find a "home' where i can come to, to talk to people who share the same life history as myself.

i was raised in the "truth".

airwlk149

dear precious,
hello! welcome. i understand exactely what you have gone through. i was disfellowshipped about a year ago and just was recently reinstated. alot of tears involved. my boyfriend wasn't abusive though and i truly loved him a great deal. now i hate him so much sometimes. i have a girlfriend now, still sounds or looks wierd when i say it that way or write it that way. but whatever, i guess you could call me a lesbian. some think it's very wrong, i know i thought it was extremely wrong until i started feeling what i do. i still see it sometimes as wrong, but i don't know why. i love her and she loves me.... but as you can tell i talk alot on the computer as i do in real life...... so let me get back to what i was saying,
your relationship with god is very personal. it is between him and you and no one else- BOTTOM LINE! the other day my dad and i argued about this. he thinks that you should "preach the good news of the kingdom..." you know the rest i'm sure. but it's not like that. if you have these so called "elder's" who are supposed to "flock the sheep" they are supposed to make you feel better, not worse. they make your life a living hell, setting all these standards that no one can reach. so in answer to your question: "yes, you are doing what's right!" live your life and be happy. keep your relationship with god where it belongs, between him and you and no one else!
good luck in life and i hope to see you here again!

lots of love,
katie

16

Hi, I'm new here

by sweetone2377 in

i wanted to introduce myself real quick.

i was raised as a witness from the age of 10. i am now 23 yo.

i was disfellowshipped at the age of 19 for marrying a man who was studying.

airwlk149

hi sweetone,
i don't write many replies to posts, but i saw it was you and i wanted to write you. i can't believe all the bad things that have happened to you. i am truly sorry to hear about them. i have had horrible experiences myself with the elder's in my local congregations... i did get your email...thank you so much. isn't this place wonderful?! logical prety much said what i feel, this is our cyber home. i am kinda new here myself... nut i feel like this is one big family. you sound really sweet, and would love to talk to you some more. i will email you soon, i promise.
take care and remember, the wounds that the jw's leave take a LONG time to heal, believe me i am still healing. just be VERY careful that once you are healed you don't go back and get wounded again. it's VERY easy to fall under their fake "concern".

love always,
katie

thanks for reading! :)

15

JW'S AND GOSSIP...MY GOD!

by airwlk149 in

geez- does gossip spread in j dub land.

last night when i got home there was a message from a jw friend asking me to call her.

well, i did and she had heard that i had moved in with a "worldly" person and asked me how i was, etc... i asked her where she had heard that and she told me so&so told her.

airwlk149

geez- does gossip spread in j dub land. last night when i got home there was a message from a jw friend asking me to call her. well, i did and she had heard that i had moved in with a "worldly" person and asked me how i was, etc... i asked her where she had heard that and she told me so&so told her. i asked who told so&so and she said that another person told so&so. i mean news travels fast within a circut. everyone is talking about poor weak katie who just got reinstated and now she turns her back on her family to live with a "worldly" person. i told my "issue" that and it made her mad. she isn't "worldly" she just is non-jw (which in my opinion is a good thing to be) so yeah- jehovah's witnesses have a problem with too much gossip. they have too much time on their hands (they should be "going out in service" if they have too much time...)

thanks for reading! :)

3

i am doing ok.....

by airwlk149 in

i just re-read all my previous posts and reply's... amazing stuff!

it makes me laugh... no one ever replied to one of my posts... it's lost somewhere under the main room.

i am doing good.

airwlk149

hi everyone,
i just re-read all my previous posts and reply's... amazing stuff! it makes me laugh... no one ever replied to one of my posts... it's lost somewhere under the main room. oh well. i am doing good. i turn 18 on october 12th, so i am thrilled. i saw my mom today for the first time since i left. had to stop and get my mail and some stuff i had ledt there. she was acting like nothing happened. she really want sme to keep studying and going to the meetings. i don't know.... she still thinks my friends are going to study and i can tell they don't want to. they were only doing it so they could see me. so we'll see... i got a new job! makes me happy! i am the lead infant teacher now at a local preschool (children's world). i am excited, mainly because i'll be making money (i haven't had a job for a month) and soon i can get my own place to live. like i said i have been living at my "issue's" house. she doesn't mind, actually it's been wonderful, but i wouldn't mind having permenet address. she doesn't like the thought of me leaving, niether do i, and wants me to stay. we'll see...
all of my jw's friends having been calling... that's another post waiting to happen for me.... lol. ok- well, just wanted to say thank you for all of your encouraging replies...... you'll hear from me soon i am sure...

love,
katie

thanks for reading! :)

24

I MOVED OUT!

by airwlk149 in

ok, so i moved out on saturday.

i am not 18 for 17 more days but my mom asked me to leave early all the same.

on friday things got hairy, we had jw friends from out of town visiting, and i exploded.

airwlk149

ok- when i said that i could watch friends and rated r movies i was joking around. my situation is a very tense situation so anything that i can make a joke about i will. sorry if i offended anyone. i do have alot of worries, college, work, a place to live... etc., but i thank my lucky stars that i have some really wonderful friends to help me through all of this. they are non-jw's (worldly). last night my dad came and took me to dinner and reassured me that he would always talk to me and love me no matter what the elder's or anyone said. that made me feel better. he still wants me to attend meetings with him but i told him no. we started talking about religion and he said that disfellowshipping is a scriptual punishment. so we still disagree with alot of things. but it is nice to know that i have my family no matter what. as for my jw friends, well since i am not disfellowshipped they can still talk to me. one jw "friend" wants me to keep studying the knowledge book with her. i don't think so.....
anyways i hope i cleared some things up. i only said i was apostate to scare my parents. that sounds mean and wicked and it is, but i couldn't help it at that moment. i probably am apostate since i have so many evil thoughts about elders and some jw's...
if anyone wants to email me- it's: [email protected]

and Ray Skyhorse, if you read this email me so we can talk... i would enjoy talking to you!

love always,
katie

thanks for reading! :)

24

I MOVED OUT!

by airwlk149 in

ok, so i moved out on saturday.

i am not 18 for 17 more days but my mom asked me to leave early all the same.

on friday things got hairy, we had jw friends from out of town visiting, and i exploded.

airwlk149

ok, so i moved out on saturday. i am not 18 for 17 more days but my mom asked me to leave early all the same. on friday things got hairy, we had jw friends from out of town visiting, and i exploded. i told my dad that i never even wanted to be reinstated and that i am now apostate. he kind of freaked over that. i told him that i hated all witnesses and they were the worst people on earth. as you can see i kinda exploded! a bunch of tears and anger seeped out of me. my dad told me not to leave, but i did. i stayed at my "issue's" house.(lol) the next day my mom came to pick me up and asked me what had happened the night before with my dad and i (she had been in bed) i told her and i included that i didn't want my 2 friends studying anymore. that sent her over the deep end, that and the word "apostate". so she told me to leave now. she started throwing my stuff on my bed and to start packing. so i did. i called my friend/issue and told her to come pick me up. she came over. she took awhile and my mom was trying to convince me that she wasn't coming for me. well she did and i put all my stuff in her car and moved it to her room and garage. so since saturday i have been living with my "issue". we share a room. i am having fun with it. i am kind of scared because i don't have a permenet place to live yet, but i'll be ok. now i don't have to go to meetings or anything. I GET TO WATCH FRIENDS ON THURSDAY! AND RATED R MOVIES! so yeah- things are getting better...

love always,
katie

thanks for reading! :)

trying to figure it all out....

by airwlk149 in

jw
friends

not much happening here.

actually that's the understatement of the year!

everything has been happening.

airwlk149

hi everyone. not much happening here. actually that's the understatement of the year! everything has been happening. right now we have some very active jw's staying with us. they are bugging me about when am i going out in service? i woke up this morning and heard my mom and my friend's mom talking about me. they thought i was asleep so i overheard alot. "katie doesn't seem like she's REALLY back. you can tell in her eyes. her heart just isn't into it. i think it's her association- she really needs to stop hanging around those two girls(one of them is my "issue") it's bad for her! they are gonna pull her into the world, 'bad association spoils useful habit'...etc." BULLSHIT! i am so sick of jw's trying to tell me what to do. i am not getting enough time so i am going to end up baad association for everyone else in our congregation. i didn't even want to be reinstated what makes them think that i am going out in service? my friends mom was asking me if i was going to pioneer. i wanted to laugh and say HELL FRICKING NO WAY! IS SHE CRAZY? ok other than that jw drama at my house, i have been spending a lot of time with my "issue". not that i hadn't been before. it's just lately there is more intimacy. it's a nice feeling. :) so yeah. on my last post, just wanting to talk to somebody...- i think i offended some people. i didn't mean to. i do have a father. a really good father. & i agree that children should have a father.i just was asking myself really if i'll still get to have kids. if i still want them. i love my "issue" so much, so i don't know? just thinking outloud. don't mind me! :) i am 17- well 18 in 24 days, so i am young. still undecided on so many things. i am leaving good ol Sac., Ca in 24 days. i don't know where i am going yet. maybe i'll just leave my HOUSE and not my neighborhood. my "issue" DOES live around the corner from me. and i don't want to leave her, i love her too much. but i have to prove to my mom that i can leave if I WANT TO! she can't hold me back. whatever- i have 24 days to figure it out. :) well, that's it for now. no one has emailed me. but i am kinda new at this. so if you say that i can email you- why don't you leave your email address? in case you all don't know mine it is- [email protected]. just address it to katie, so my "issue" knows it's for me! and leave your email addresses so i can write you all! Love you all bunches!
katie

thanks for reading! :)

21

just wanting to talk to someone...

by airwlk149 in

jw
friends

ok- this isn't going to be very interesting.

just wanting to talk without speaking words.

but i am not talking about the "friend" who is really an issue.

airwlk149

ok- this isn't going to be very interesting. just wanting to talk without speaking words. so i decided to come here and type what i am feeling. though i can't really because i don't know how i am feeling. my "friend" and i are getting alot closer. if anyone who read my last post, am i normal? you'll know which "friend" i am talking about. the other day i was on the internet and i was talking to this guy and he asked if i was single and i said i didn't know. because i really don't know. i don't have a boyfriend... so yeah then later that night i was telling this to my "friend" and i asked her what she thought i was to her. she said she didn't know either. so i said you are my issue. so that's what i have, an issue. not a boyfriend or a girlfriend, but an issue. i think that's kind of funny in a way. we do love each other and i am almost convinced that i could be a lesbian. and sometimes i think she is one too. we could be a couple. it's really hard for me to say it, but that's what i want. we talked the other day and i told her i could she us living together. she just listened. i know it's harder for her to say stuff then it is for me. she mainly listens, but it's by her actions that i know where she stands. the other thing is that i really want kids. all my life that's what i dreamed about. that and being a teacher. but would people let me teach their children if they knew i was a lesbian? and would it be fair to raise a child with two moms and no dad? i could see us raising a baby together. we watched my niece together the other day- she's two- and we had so much fun giving her a bath and putting her to bed, reading her stories and such. but how would we have a baby together. i would love it if it could come from both of us, but i don't think that's possible. then when i reflect back on how i feel, i feel icky because these things are coming out of my mouth. my mother would shit a brick. last night my friends that are studying came over and we had to watch the young people ask video on how to make real friends. it was so dumb, because on the video they are telling you not to hang out with anyone who is not jw, because they are worldly. but both of my friends are not jw- and i know one of them has no plans on becoming one. the other one is getting sucked in.... "everyone is SO nice" "they're not that bad, Katie..." etc., she even told me last night at the store that she is not that excited for the holidays because there not that fun, and she has more fun just goiung to congregation get togethers. that's a scary thought. but i am not talking about the "friend" who is really an issue. thank god! well, i am going to go. thanks for reading, if anyone even got this far, because all i really did was ramble!
love,
katie

thanks for reading! :)