Well it's safe to say I went to parties with several youths from the congregation. After I left many of them simply have not spoken one word to me since and some turn their nose up when they pass me in the hallways.
A girl I knew for nearly 18 years shot me back a reply about how unwise I was to stop going to meetings because that was where my "true friends" were. I replied my true friends were the ones who had not turned their backs on me over a silly little religious disagreement. In fact I had true friends who were Catholic, Evangelical, Atheist, Agnostic, Buddhist etc who had not turned their backs on me and yet my JW friends all did without another thought. My true friends were the ones who didn't care if I was gay. The JW ones told me to wait for "Jehovah to fix me".
Instead of unconditional love I'm faced with the fact that there is nothing I can do to mend things between my mother and I except to come back in "the truth". Since I will never do this that is how things stand. She however uses her position as my mother to apply leverage to me at every opportunity. She tells me among other things:
How unbearable it is to her to go to <x religious event> without me. (then dont go, duh)
How I'm breaking her heart. (whose fault is it that you have unreasonable expectations)
How she's so upset that I'm trading my "eternal future" for such a "short period of time". (you mean you're upset that you selfishly wont have me for this perceived eternity)
How she hopes my cousin thinks twice about "ruining his life". (he hangs out with his friends, drinks socially, and has a worldly girlfriend) [sounds like he's turning out quite well to me]
What a good talk by <x brother> I missed, how much it would have helped me. (helped me do what exactly? be rebrainwashed? hate myself?)
How much everyone misses me. (yeah right)
How she hoped I would pioneer instead of going to college. (and how pray tell should I have supported myself?)
How it was a mistake to have me. (thanks I always wanted to be unborn)
How much she says she must not have taught me well enough or I never would have "left" (no I just happened to be smarter than the average dub)
How she hopes I never fall in love. (great mom that's nice)
How it's "not to late" to "come back" because I don't have anything "disgusting in god's eyes" on my conscience yet. (I'm not coming back, get over it)
She then leaves literature out, underlined, in a location where I cannot help but miss it. She refuses to leave my room unless I tell her I love her. She throws a fit if I don't hug her when she comes home.
The congregation who loves me so much and yet will drive by and spray me with slush while I'm walking to school as they head off to drop off their own kids. Some have the nerve still to wave as they pass.
The people who were going to "dig up some more work for me" who I never hear back from.
The people who want to "keep in touch" but I find out have blocked me on IM, never call, never email, never invited me anywhere.
The guilt, the infliction of pain, the lack of love.
