something recently occurred to me that many people, whether former jws or others who faced hardships in life, often look for meaning to life ... specifically a special meaning to their own lives ... i have done that at times, before i became a jw, while a jw, and more so since i left the religion.. i was having a conversation recently with my oldest son who is now 29 years old.
we discussed the meaning to life and how he sees himself now - in his ex-jw years - given that he was raised a jw.
he made the following comment i thought some here may find insightful.
Hi Dad.
Carmel, you actually met my husband, Aaron, and me, Jennifer. Steven is down in Southern California. I am Jim's daughter. Aaron and I are still in the same area, we've just been really busy. We bought our first house a few months ago. We have wanted to attend the apostofests, but the timing has not been good. Maybe in Feb.
Jennifer
(just popping in to say hi)
this will be the first year i go through the holidays as a non-jw.
and on top of that with beliefs that can best be described as agnostic.
basically i think i probably won't do much different.
I am still a Christian, but with very very different beliefs than I used to have. We celebrate the holidays and have a lot of fun with them. The first year after leaving the JWs we had no intentions of celebrating holidays, but by the next year we had changed our minds. I think we all learned how much fun you can have during them and that they are really about being with friends and family. Yes, there is a lot of commercialism and that is too bad, but that does not take away from our fun.
We keep things fairly simple and try to have lots of fun. For Thanksgiving, we have a big Turkey dinner with family and sometimes friends. I make a fantastic Turkey and all the other stuff that goes along. Ask my dad, Amazing, and he'll tell you that he loves my cooking.
For Christmas, we will have a tree with decorations. We have some decorations for the inside and outside of the house. We like to get new ornaments each year for the kids and ourselves. We will exchange gifts with the family. We go to church on Christmas Eve. We have a big Christmas dinner. None of us have much money, so we don't go overboard with gifts. We also try to include doing something for those who don't have much. My church does Christmas food baskets and other things like that for the needy. We try to participate in that. This year we are going to try to have my dad come to Oregon for the holidays.
Our holiday celebrations center on our family and our faith. I am a liberal/progressive Christian and so my beliefs are not the same as more conservative or fundamentalist Christians. I think that people should celebrate the holidays if that is what they want. The holidays can be whatever you want them to be. Just enjoy them and your family and friends.
Jennifer
i have mentioned on this board before, that i think the downfall of organized religion rest in the fact that they are to stubborn to change.
meaning, "what is, will always be.
" as they feel their teachings are based on god and that is all that matters.
I have learned to love change. I have gone through a lot of changes during my life. The most changes have come in the past ten years since leaving the JWs. I agree with what you said. You expressed it very beautifully. Life is a journey of change and should be enjoyed. I am so glad that I left the JWs so that I could have the freedom to grow and change. So many of my beliefs have changed and I have loved every minute of the journey.
Jennifer
okay, this is getting incredible ... according to fox news this morning, the us catholic church has appointed a deputy director of the fbi to head up its watchdog office to monitor priests and enforce its zero tolerance program dealing with pedophiles ... soooooo ... come on watchtower gb ... hire the fbi to keep an eye on you, and we all might come flocking back home to roost!
gawd!!
!
Hi Monster,
I left about the same time as my dad (10 years ago). My last official JW thing was getting married at the Kingdom Hall. In some ways it was hard b/c I did loose my friends and I find it hard to make new friends b/c I'm so shy. It was also easy b/c I had my dad, my mom, my three siblings, and my husband leaving at the same time. We all gave each other a lot of support and we received a lot of support from our neighbors.
Life is much better outside the Borg. I'm happier and stronger. I love raising my four kids with the fun and traditions of the holidays. I think I really value the fun they have with the holidays b/c I missed it all and it is new to me through them. I love the freedom they have to just be kids and enjoy their lives.
It's nice to meet you too.
Jennifer
okay, this is getting incredible ... according to fox news this morning, the us catholic church has appointed a deputy director of the fbi to head up its watchdog office to monitor priests and enforce its zero tolerance program dealing with pedophiles ... soooooo ... come on watchtower gb ... hire the fbi to keep an eye on you, and we all might come flocking back home to roost!
gawd!!
!
Hey Dad,
I don't really think you should hold the Catholic church up as any kind of example. I was on another board and found a news story that says the Vatican is ignoring the problem of girls being molested. http://www2.bostonherald.com/news/local_regional/chur11072002.htm I think that before the Catholic church can be used an an example, they need to make some major changes in the way they deal with the whole issue. I am glad that one part of the church is doing something, but the whole of the church needs to change.
Jennifer
we have a close relative who has left her jw husband.
he is extremely controlling, and emotionally abusive.
their children are grown.
What a sad situation. My husband's aunt is in the process of divorcing her controlling husband. They aren't JWs, so they don't have the issue.
If he is harassing her, then she needs to see about getting a restraining order. I would also suggest she seek counseling from a professional. A good therapist can help her to find her own source of inner strength and to stay strong.
Personally, I think that her husband broke his vows first. By trying to control her and harass her he is not loving, respecting, or cherishing her. He seems to be missing all the advice the Bible gives to men about marriage. He has broken his vows and she has a right to end the marriage because of that.
The best that you can do is to be there for her. Hug her when she cries, hold her hand when she makes hard decsions, gently encourage her to get whatever help she needs from the pros, listen to her, and remind her of God's love for her.
I hope this helps. I hate to see anyone in this situation. I really hope she will seek help from a good therapist and a good lawyer.
AmazingProgeny
it has been suggested, by a man we know, that those who read crisis of conscience, are left with a feeling of despair and are "cast adrift" after reading it.
it is his opinion that the book shouldn't have been written, because it does harm to people.
i do not agree, and would like to hear from anyone who has an opinion to share, so i can print all this out and show it to him.. comments, everyone, please????
I read Christian Freedom before CofC. I read both books after I had already made my decision to leave. Neither one of them damaged me in any way. They helped me to see more clearly what the problems are in the borg. The feelings I had after reading them were not happy, but they were good for me. I needed to feel that because those feelings helped cement my decision.
I was "cast adrift" for a while. Not because of Ray's books, but because of my own decisions. It was so hard to trust the world and to feel safe in it. It was so hard to believe that I could have a truly happy life. But everything I went through was worth it. I am so happy now where I am. I am still on my journey and I love it. I am not damaged in any way. I am healthier, stronger, and happier than I ever would have been as a JW.
AmazingProgeny
ever since i've stopped associating with jehovah's witnesses i can almost assure you that the first thing to go was my regular ministry involving going door-to-door, calling up people who live in gated communities, doing business territory, and writing letters.
i will say the primary reason why i did it was because i wanted to make god happy.
i actually received a measure of joy at the end of the day after going through the difficulty of mustering up enough courage to engage in a public ministry.
I think that there are many forms that ministry can take. Preaching is one of them and not always the most effective. Living the life of a true Christian is one of the best things you can do. I'm into a new thing now of pointing out how many times we are told to show love to one another and care for the poor. I think that quietly working hard to make your hometown a better place for everyone is one of the best ways of showing people what a Christian is. Showing love to everyone, no matter how much they anger you, is another way.
I have a friend who says the real fundamentals of the bible and Christianity is to love God with everything in you, love your neighbor (your neighbor is anyone on earth) as yourself, and to do justice to all. She is trying to encourage all Christians to live by these fundamentals and to forget the rest that causes so much dissention among Christians.
Don't feel guilty about not going door-to-door. I don't miss it at all. I hated it. I am really shy IRL and can't stand just walking up to a stranger's home and telling them anything, let alone what to believe. I prefer to serve by showing love to everyone I meet, supporting the local ministries in my church (they are very locally active), and teaching my children my faith.
I hope this helps.
AP
That is very interesting. It brought out some good points.
I would like to point out one thing. There are times when Paul speaks of women that he says it is what HE wants. I think one scripture he says, "I desire." To me, Paul is giving his opinion on matters relating to women and not speaking of what God wants. I think that distinction should me made clear.
AP
below is a scanned article from the august 22, 1967 awake!
magazine that deals with women and why they don't hold positions of authority in the wachtower.
metatron brought this subject up a few months ago and someone was nice enough to give me the actual article.
I think that stuff about a woman's sensitivity and gentleness making it impossible for her to be a leader and meet stern challenges is ridiculous (along with the rest of the article).
I am a full time mom to four children. I have stern challenges daily and I have to be a leader. That is part of what mothering is about. These men are such idiots. I know that there is no way they could handle my kids. My son's questions about science would stump them. My 4yo daughter would freak them out with her emotionalness and not speaking. My 3yo would stump them with her immense stubborness. And my 1yo daughter would horrify them with her need to be cuddled all day.
I am so thankful that I am free of them. I go to a church with a woman pastor. She is a great pastor, a great mom to her two daughters, and the men all respect her and her authority.
AP
