Posts by nojudgement

91

Back from the Memorial......Special Announcement at the end....

by ScoobySnax in

jw
friends

the special announcement read at the end was an invite for any interested ones (tm) to ask if they wanted a bible study.....and that a special meeting will be held next sunday in all the congregations worldwide, and an invite was given for all to attend.

i loved going and was good to see all the brothers and sisters again, the po who gave the talk made a bee line for me straight after the closing prayer, straight off the platform (i had to stand as there were no seats) and asked to speak to me, and directed me to the back of the hall, i thought here we go......jc convening shortly......but no he said the wt society in london had contacted him as i'd wrote them asking for the magazines, and he would be happy to drop by and had done, but never found me at home.

so we arranged a date for him to call next week.. the hall was packed, and from my standing point i had plenty of opportunity to have a scan about, despite being horrified that their were brothers there who were betting looking than even me ( in my newly bought outfit!

nojudgement

Try it for a while. Go to the hall on Sundays. Enjoy the fellowship. See how long before they insist on more meeting attendance. Before they insist on going in service. Before they insist on joining the "school". Before they insist you reach out for more "privileges". As long as you toe the line, things will be great. As soon as you resist, you'll see the good times end. You'll be "marked". Maybe even unofficially shunned by the more zealous types.

Undercover. Excellent and right on target. Scoob, if you are still out there listening. What is described by Undercover is exactly what happened to me. I was inactive about 2 years ago. It had been about 6-7 months and I went the memorial. I got all caught up in the emotion of it. I think it's like going back to an old bad relationship. At first it feels so good and comforting. Especially after a break. But then slowly it starts coming back to you. Right after that, I started attending Sunday's. It felt good. Then the elders "encouraged" me to start coming during the week. So I did. Next...they wanted me out in Field Service. I resisted at first because I HATED field service my whole life. But, like a good R&F I started going again. Of course, this was only after an elder took me aside to make sure that I hadn't been doing anything immoral while I was inactive and could still be considered in good standing. I even started a study with someone at work. Boy, oh, boy....I was really busy again. I was going nuts after a few months. Was this enough??? Nooooooooo. Not too long later, at a picnic I was dragged to the school overseer "insisted" I join the school.

Side point - I hated all of the extra "association" I felt pressured to participate in "after book study pizza nite" "so and so's shower" "picnics" - I had worldy friends from my period of inactivity and I felt fake at witness gatherings. I had nothing in common and felt I wasn't being myself.

Anyway...I wouldn't be surprised if you end up right back where you started. I did. I cracked after they insisted I joined the school. I realized it would never end. Even if I quit my job, sold all of my possessions, and went preaching in Iraq, they would still find a way to make me feel like I wasn't doing enough and needed to reach out more. It all starts with attending the memorial and the little "feel good" that happens. It's short lived....and it's all vanity and striving after the wind. Just like King Solomon said.

47

HOW ABOUT MENTIONING JESUS AT THE MEMORIAL!

by Mary in

jw
friends

well i went last night...........did anyone else notice how the talk focused almost exclusively on the 144,000???

jesus was barely mentioned.

the first couple of minutes talked about when the israelites left egypt and the passover was instituted.

nojudgement

Mary,

I totally agree! I went last year and had the same feeling, it was a 50 minute talk focused on the 144,000. I felt like it was basically 50 minutes of instructions to any one that might have walked in off the street - "Don't drink the wine or eat the bread." In fact, that's what they should title the outline.

I feel like the talk is geared towards new people and making sure they know they are not part of the heavenly class. What a waste of the occaision! Here Jesus SUFFERED and DIED for us and there is no effort to bring attention to that so people might actually develop a heartfelt appreciation for what he did and want to try to reexamine their faith and doing more in their daily lives to be Christian.

After sitting there last year, I knew this would keep me out of the Kingdom Hall for a good year...until the next memorial. Guess what, I was wrong! It has kept me out even longer. I didn't go. Last night was the first time in my 36 years that I didn't attend. It felt strange...but I knew it was the right thing to do. I showed appreciation in my own way. I've written my experience on another thread started by "Wednesday."

Thanks for reinforcing my thoughts from last year. Nothing has changed. I'm glad I didn't miss anything.

NJ

33

Hot Off the Press- WE ARE NOT ATTENDING THE MEMORIAL-FIRST TIME

by wednesday in

i have been feeling nervous all day.

my hubby has been out doing yardwork, so we hadn't talked too much.

finally we talked.

nojudgement

Wednesday,

Thanks for the encouragement. When I came home last night I turned on the Kingdom Melodies song number 74, and started weeping over the feelings that it stirred up. (It's the 1st song they always play at the memorial...."Jehovah our father in heaven, oh this is a most sacred night..") I felt like I wanted to let God know how much I appreciated his sacrifice and this was the only way I knew how.

Then I really started thinking...was I sorry that I didn't attend the memorial? Had I really wanted to be there? My answer, in truth, was no. I remember how out of place I felt last year, how everything coming out of the speaker's mouth seemed like babble and focused on why none of us were good enough to partake of the emblems when they passed in front of us. It was enough to cure me from not wanting to step foot in a Kingdom Hall for a least another year.

I decided my tears were more about my transition, almost like coming out of a long bad relationship. You can feel sad about it - even if you know that you don't want it back in your life.

I then read all of the Gospels that pertained to the passover and for the first time realized that the book of John is the only book that has several chapters that focus on what was said by Jesus after he passed the bread and wine. The other three (Matthew, Mark, Luke) move from the passover - to - someone will betray me - to - the them all departing to the garden of Gethsemene. It was very interested to realize that a lot of his most remembered verses all occurred on that night. In all my years growing up a JW, I never realized that. Probably because the memorial talks focus so much on scriptures that highlight "break the bread, drink this wine, keep doing this in remembrance of me" and why no one in the audience really qualifies.

I then said a special prayer of thanks. Guess what? I think that was the most meaningful memorial I ever had. I hope God thinks so too.

NJ

33

Hot Off the Press- WE ARE NOT ATTENDING THE MEMORIAL-FIRST TIME

by wednesday in

i have been feeling nervous all day.

my hubby has been out doing yardwork, so we hadn't talked too much.

finally we talked.

nojudgement

I also did not attend tonight for the first time in my life. It was a conscience decision that I made in the last couple of weeks after joining this forum and reflecting on my true feelings. I have really appreciated so many of your stories and experiences. To find a community that truly understands and resonates so many similar thoughts I've had over the years has been very liberating. But still, to understand that my whole family and many others who I still care about are there tonight and I am not...I feel defiant in many ways. That song they sing at the beginning of the memorial has always been so touching to me...I don't know why.

I always thought I would go to the memorial no matter what. As the sun was setting tonight and I was riding my bike on the beach I wondered if Jesus and Jehovah thought that I wasn't appreciative. I said a special prayer and I will read the text in the Bible concerning the memorial before I go to bed. My family has no idea that I am not attending tonight. They would be HORRIFIED!!! Why is it so hard to get passed that? But this is a very important step for me. Psychologically, it's the biggest step in my separation from my JW way of life. I have let go of the final ritual that I always thought I would observe.

27

What's The Most Traumatic Thing That's Ever Happened To You As A Witness?

by minimus in

jw
friends

when you look back at your witness life, you probably can see that you were regularly exposed to traumatic conditions and situations because you were a jw.

thinking back, was there anything that stood out in your mind that especially wounded you?

nojudgement

Ding, ding, ding...and the winner is once again, Judicial Committee Meeting!!

Growing up an Elder's daughter I vowed I would take all my stuff to the grave and never put myself through that kind of humiliation that I had observed from afar. In my late 20's, my 2 JW friends and I had gone on a cruise in Europe and Egypt and had a little too much fun. A regular Pornea-fest. We all came clean when we came home. What a mistake....the Judicial Meetings were absolutely horrifying! They gave us 4 elders since it was such a big case. (One was a JC trainee, how nice!) All the details were so unnecessary....who touched who where, how long, who climaxed...how many times? In front of men who barely knew me!! Why couldn't you just say..."I fornicated! End of story." One of the elders had the gall to suggest. "Did you ever think of cutting your trip short so that you could come home and immediately confess this?" I was appalled...like yeah, sure, let me just catch the next flight out of Cairo so you can immediately get your rocks off on my story of sin. We were all privately reproved....I breathed a sigh of relief...or so I thought...next came the...

2nd place winner...SPECIAL NEEDS TALK (4 weeks after the private reproof). We were all told that we had to be there. That it would be very generic but it was to warn the congregation about Pornea and loose conduct. They felt they needed to define it again in case the congregation wasn't clear on what was okay and what wasn't. Imagine having every detail of your trip and escapades explained from the platform without using names. Hello!!! Who just went on a big trip??We were all horrified. I would have rather been walked up the front, stripped down bare @ss naked and whipped - then to sit there and let the whole congregation hear about every detail of our sex lives.

That whole experience gave me SHINGLES!!! SHINGLES at 28! How nice!

3rd Place - My best friend was DF'd about a month later and I had to pretend like she was dead. That was torturous. I couldn't handle it. I lasted about 1 month of not talking to her...then I called and that was the beginning of the end for me. I was never the same....

It took me about 7 years to fully fall out after that...but that's what tipped me over. Those were the 3 most horrible experiences of my life. All of them happened because I was a JW. What does that tell you?

108

My Story... please don't freak out on me...

by Big Shooter in

my story .

well, i am new here, and i have a very long story.

i don?t even know where to begin.

nojudgement

Big Shooter! - Welcome. I am also a newbie and I was feeling very freaked out on my first post. It's how we were raised. I've only been on this site a few weeks, but it has helped me tremendously. I loved reading all of your realizations that you are coming to about the organization. So many of us feel exactly the same way you are feeling and have for years, yet were too afraid to say anything or question anything. It feels liberating to realize that there are others who share your feelings and that there is nothing wrong with you.

I also NEVER felt good enough. No matter how much you were doing, they always had a suggestion to "encourage" you to do more. Attend all the meetings, put the average 10 hours in service, study for all your meetings, prepare parts, read the bible daily (as a supplement - to your other study - you shouldn't just be studying for meetings!!!), read all of the magazines, prepare for field service, conduct studies, comment at least 1x (weak) - 2x (respectable) at each meeting, research to add value to your comments, pray when you lie down and when you get up and when you walk about, don't forget discussion of your daily text - HELP ME! I'm choking on theocracy!!!!

When are you supposed to live your life? Be glad you figured this out at 26! It took me another decade to realize I was living a life to please my parents and ever fiber of my being was rejecting all of it. I love God, I love the bible principals. But forget all the other stuff.....the lack of love, the expectations, and worst of all THE JUDGEMENT!!! Hence my name on this site....NOJUDGEMENT. No more!!! I haven't been to a meeting in 2 years! It's wonderful. I've never been happier in my life. Stay here...keep reading....you'll feel so validated when you read other people's experiences. Thank you VERY MUCH for your courage. You are an encouragement to us here!!!

7

Choose the JW lifestyle or literal death

by franklin J in

interesting premise:.

euphemism had an interesting thread yesterday about monotheism and pluralism .

and it got me to thinkings about our experiences in escaping jws and the watchtower.

nojudgement

I also left with the 100% belief that I would be destroyed at Armageddon. As many have said in this thread before me, I would rather have 5 years, 5 months, 5 minutes...of a life where I felt free to be me and love who I want and not be under all of that pressure...than a life time of meetings, service, and all the other stuff. It's a lot easier to throw up your arms and say "uncle" - then continue to struggle so hard. I don't want to be Paul who had to pummel his body everyday and lead it as a slave. I'd rather just be me. If Jehovah feels that is a reason to destroy someone...then so be it. Somehow, I can't believe such a loving God would want us to suffer so much and then destroy us in the end. It's like that scripture that said "PROBABLY you will be concealed in the day of Jehovah's anger." Probably?!?!? All of this for probably???

I am grateful for this site that is slowly helping me to believe that maybe it wasn't the truth. Just maybe God will look at me as an individual and judge my heart. I leave it in His hands. I'm fine with his decision. Until then...I'm relieved to be free!

And Franklin, I have always enjoyed reading your posts...I'm a Newbie, but I appreciate your thoughtful answers to people's dilemnas. You always seemed balanced and even-keeled. You would have made a great elder! ;-) Is that a picture of you on the beach holding a beer? That is great. Friendly, relaxed, welcoming....a good image for this site.

26

How do you help them understand?

by Sassy in

i have posted as each step of my exiting has brought new stresses into my life.

you have all been awesome in your support.

i know i still have a ways to go but many of the hardest steps have been undertaken... and i have an interview for a new job, so my working with a guy who is a jw, might be taken out of my environment so i can go somewhere that is not only closer to home (short commute) but also no one will know i was ever a jw.

nojudgement

XQsThaiPoes:

People fade, move, and stay inactive because they don't want to loose their FAMILY!!!!!!!!! It's not that they give a rat's @ss about anyone in the hall or trying to still identify themselves as a JW. Unless you were raised a JW, and have family that is all in it...it's hard to understand...so please don't judge.

26

How do you help them understand?

by Sassy in

i have posted as each step of my exiting has brought new stresses into my life.

you have all been awesome in your support.

i know i still have a ways to go but many of the hardest steps have been undertaken... and i have an interview for a new job, so my working with a guy who is a jw, might be taken out of my environment so i can go somewhere that is not only closer to home (short commute) but also no one will know i was ever a jw.

nojudgement

I can't believe all of the nosey JW's in your life!! Actually, I can. I think you'll feel a lot better once you find a new job. I had to move to a new town and then start fading. It's ridiculous. It feels like trying to leave the Mafia or something. How is this loving? I wish I had the right words to help you. Your BF can't understand, but if he loves you enough he will stick around and see you through this tough time. If he doesn't or doesn't feel he can, I don't think you want him. Whether he likes it or not, dealing with your JW issues is part of the package. Only he can decide if all the benefits of being with you outweights what he thinks is too much "drama." Don't try to take that on too. That decision is out of your hands. No one is perfect...neither is he. You seem like a GREAT individual. Hang in there.

22

I am marrying a df JW-

by wtphobic in

jw
friends

i will be marrying a df jw in just 2 months.

it is now really bothering him that his parents won't come to the wedding.

omg- not only is he df, but it's being held in a church!!!

nojudgement

WT Phobic - I agree with the earlier postings. Get him to read this web site. It has helped me so much. I do a little bit everyday. I was raised a JW and I've been out 2.5 years and still do not have the courage to tell my family. I don't want to loose them and they will truly be tormented forever and believe that I am on a death road leading to "armageddon." This online community understands JWs like no one else can. You have to have lived it to understand it. If you were raised in it, and your whole family is in it - it's extremely difficult to break away from your family and come to the realization that you are not loved unconditionally. All the shunning is done in the name of love...and as Sassy said earlier...his parents have been indoctrinated to feel like they are doing the loving thing...and he understands it, even if it is hard to accept.

They also are tortured by not attending but get so many kudos from people at the Kingdom Hall "you are being so strong" "we admire your faith." etc. I think JWs feel the more they suffer they more they are proving how much they love God. Why would you want to serve a God that made you suffer so much? Also, if his dad is an Elder I am sure that it is grounds for his removal as an elder if he were to attend his df'd son's wedding in a church.

He is so lucky to have you and your loving family now. My bf has a great family too. It has given me the courage to realize, even if I lost my own, I would still have them if we were to marry one day. I've already agonized over the wedding. We would have to elope. I couldn't stand the thought of having a big wedding and not having my dad (an elder) give me away. It breaks my heart. Whoever I marry in the "world" - I will have to elope. I will rely on this forum to help me through it. I hope your husband will do the same. He will heal. He will be okay, it'll just take a lot of work and some reprogramming. He's going to have to let go of it. Truly let go. Come to the realization that it is not the "truth" and that he is good enough and God loves him despite of what an organization is trying to tell him or make him feel.