As to how much you should reveal and when, only you can really judge. However, I just want to caution against expecting her time for awakening to coincide with yours. You were allowed time to see things and digest them as it was fit for you. You now cannot go and shove it down her throat and expect her to react well. Not that you were going to, as you've already revealed things progressively. However, I've seen people wake up financially and want to get on a new money program (Dave Ramsey) and then challenge the integrity of their spouse because their spouse isn't ready to see it yet. For some reason when we awaken in any way we then have a tendency to expect others to see what we see when we now see it. That's not fair, as we were allowed to see it in our due time. To equate one's love with their ability to see and accept a whole new perspective isn't fair.
dubstepped
JoinedPosts by dubstepped
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69
Thinking of Going Full Disclosure With Wife. Sorta
by freemindfade insoliciting any and all opinions.
as some of you may know, wife is full in pioneer.
my fade has gone from us fighting.
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How do you deal with Anxiety!
by little_Socrates inso the other day i was walking through the huge local regional outlet shopping mall.
i see this sign "how do deal with anxiety" didn't take very long at all to confirm it was a jw booth.. that sign bothered me.
do jw actually think they have something to say about anxiety?
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dubstepped
Thanks LisaRose. Don't worry, I too have ADHD and other issues, and I'm 1000 times better than I once was. I do some mindfulness meditation currently, and just live a more authentic life, and I'm happier than I've ever been. -
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How do you deal with Anxiety!
by little_Socrates inso the other day i was walking through the huge local regional outlet shopping mall.
i see this sign "how do deal with anxiety" didn't take very long at all to confirm it was a jw booth.. that sign bothered me.
do jw actually think they have something to say about anxiety?
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dubstepped
I've battled anxiety my whole life, and much of it a result of association and being brought up as a JW. Never had high wages because I pioneered instead of going to college despite numerous scholarship offers, so I struggled to make a decent wage. When I did make good money I had no clue how to handle it because money was always just a means to an end. No need to save any because this system will end soon. I struggle with social anxiety because I'm so different from others and was bullied so much growing up. Now that I'm fading I'm constantly thinking the car doors closing outside are elders coming to talk to me. Screwing up and getting disfellowshipped and losing all of my family was a constant fear, though I've pretty much lost them without even managing to get disfellowshipped due to the organization anyway. I've always been worried that I was going to be thrown in some sort of horrible camp where I would be tortured for my faith during a great tribulation that has been held over my head since I was a kid. And if, IF, I managed to do all of the right things there was a chance that I MAY be concealed in the day of Jehovah's anger and not be thrown into everlasting nothingness, but if I messed up it was all over, which I guess part of me feels now that I can't buy into what I was taught growing up anymore. Oh, there was always a fear that you'd listen to the wrong song and someone would rat you out, or say the wrong thing or talk to the wrong person. People are always watching us as JW's to catch us in a slip up whether inside or outside the organization. And I could have stumbled someone and been worthy of having a millstone tied around my neck and been hurled into the sea because I read a book that another brother or sister didn't approve of and they were so easily stumbled.
I could go on forever. As to what you saw, I don't think they're actively recruiting the mentally ill. For one, they don't have to, they flock to the organization and the congregations I was in were full of such illness, probably me included (though miraculously so much went away as I distanced myself). I'm sure that it was just a marketing message to attract people that face something so common today, that of anxiety, and to try and offer comfort from the scriptures. Of course, along with that comfort that they'll point to will come a whole slew of new things to be anxious about. Don't forget that the Devil is running about like a roaring lion, seeking to devour you at every turn. See, new anxiety for the uninitiated! You're welcome. :)
Just to be honest, I should probably add in that I come by anxiety naturally as well, and I'm an over-thinker. Look at my posts. This is probably one of the shorter ones, lol. My brain just goes and goes naturally.
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JW Org Flags at R.C.
by ToesUp inphoto was posted on jw-archive.
j.w.org flags flying at the 2015 r.c.
in fribourg, switzerland..
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dubstepped
WTFlag? That's crazy. -
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Anthony Morris III goes on an eight minute rant over child abuse
by Richard_I inthis is in the july 2015 monthly program on tv.jw.org cedars wrote about it too.. starting at around 42:30 in the video, morris talks about the child abuse situation for almost 10 minutes.
link to video.
i'm writing a transcript right now.
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dubstepped
steve2 - Joe's opening line is fraught with poor logic. Who said the alternative to the two-witness rule is to act on every accusation? Talk about a false choice. And the phrase "I know people hate this rule" damns with faint praise.
Let's get this straight: I hate the Two-Witness rule not because of the false choice outlined in that sentence but because it is an archaic leftover from the Mosaic Law Code that has been arbitrarily imposed on a modern-day setting all in the name of (the organization's) reputation.
Objections to the two-witness rule have nothing to do with going to the police/not going to the police or the complexity of issues that surround Child Sexual Abuse.
Arguments about how elusive evidence is in instances of child sexual abuse are an entirely separate issue.
Parents and/or court-sanctioned caregivers need to be supported by their respective communities to act decisively for the child's safety - which is paramount; they do not to be confronted by the elders with the requirement that two witnesses are needed before anything will be done.
Depending on the circumstances, the approrpiate action may involve different steps - but the parents and/or caregivers need to decide untrammeled by the powers that be in the local kingdom hall.Joe didn't write that, I did. At least call out the correct person. I wrote other things too, but you probably didn't bother to read them either. Boy, you sure sussed out my hidden motives with my false logic and faint praises.
I agree that the powers that be in a KH shouldn't have any say on such a matter, and said as much. However, since it is being taken to them, there has to be some sort of corroboration in order to act with regard to disciplinary action within the confines of the congregation, which is what we happened to be talking about, even if you don't deem it reasonable. It is something that exists whether you like it or not, and as such I was merely discussing how to handle the situation within existing parameters. In large organizations like this things are often better handled in an either/or mindset, as allowing such untrained men to use judgement as to the circumstances is often disastrous.
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A difficult yet necessary decision
by Brother Jeramy inthe past five weeks have been perhaps the most painful in my life as a witness.. some months ago a young man (i'd say in his late thirties or early forties) began attending meetings at my kingdom hall.
he had just moved to my area from another state.
he had disassociated himself from his home congregation many years back, when he was 20 years old and going through many of the typical trials and temptations most young men experience.. two of the elders met with him initially, and they later shared the details with the body of elders.
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dubstepped
Hi Jeramy,
I can identify with what you saw and it is painful to watch. I have recently been shunned by my family for associating with a relative who was disfellowshipped a long time ago but that lead a clean and upstanding life even though he's not a JW, which many seem to think is an impossibility. It only takes one act outside the bounds of what they set for you and boom, you're dead to them. They view people as throwaway objects, even when those ones want to come back.
Jeramy, I know from some pm's that you highly value your "family" of brothers and sisters. I would advise you to take a few months to get past this before making a decision that would cut you off completely from people that you seemed to hold dear. Your "family" is highly dysfunctional in areas, and although for me that dysfunction leads me to stay away from the toxicity, maybe for you it isn't as toxic and it gives something to you even if you aren't a staunch JW supporter anymore. I've mulled over disassociation as well, and honestly don't have anything to lose at this point that would affect me today, but I look down the line toward the future and know that if someday down the road a family member were to awaken somewhat that disassociation might be a hindrance to them reaching out. So, you have to decide if you want to put that wall up. Once it is up it can't be taken down easily. You can't un-ring a bell. Once it's done, it's done.
I wish you peace, though I know it is hard to find when faith (whether in God, a religion, or certain people) gets shattered.
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Anthony Morris III goes on an eight minute rant over child abuse
by Richard_I inthis is in the july 2015 monthly program on tv.jw.org cedars wrote about it too.. starting at around 42:30 in the video, morris talks about the child abuse situation for almost 10 minutes.
link to video.
i'm writing a transcript right now.
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dubstepped
@ Joe Grundy
I think you and I are on the same page regarding the separation. I think that attacking the 2 witness rule is going after the wrong thing. In my opinion, we should all be attacking why the elders are even trying to handle these matters in the first place. Child sexual abuse is a CRIME, not something that elders should even be hearing. If someone in the congregation murders someone, do they take it before the elders who then refuse to report it and keep it all in house? It should all be taken directly to the police as a criminal matter.
It is a shame that people give the organization such power and esteem. They give up their mental faculties to those men and let them tell them how to think, how to feel, and what to do and how to do it. Even something as private as sex between consenting married adults can become a judicial matter in some cases. Sometimes things that go on are none of their business. Something as serious as child sexual abuse should never go to them in the first place.
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Anthony Morris III goes on an eight minute rant over child abuse
by Richard_I inthis is in the july 2015 monthly program on tv.jw.org cedars wrote about it too.. starting at around 42:30 in the video, morris talks about the child abuse situation for almost 10 minutes.
link to video.
i'm writing a transcript right now.
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dubstepped
Re: The 2 witness rule
I know that people hate this rule, but are they really supposed to act on every accusation without any evidence? I'm all for them going straight to the authorities and letting people with actual experience and investigative tools (the police) make determinations based on what they gather, but I just don't see how they can go from accusation to df'ing automatically in the congregation.
I see problems with going to calling the organization before the police. I see problems with them not letting the next congregation know that someone was previously accused. If a person is accused on more than one occasion or by multiple people, I can see the need to act. However, one accusation unsupported is difficult to act upon no matter how awful that might be. Am I missing something about the two witness rule? I'm all for protecting kids, but I don't know how anyone can convict whether in the congregation or a court of law without some corroboration somewhere.
I also just don't think that the elders should be in on these cases whatsoever. To me they should recuse themselves based on lack of ability and training in such cases and immediately refer them to the proper authorities and stay out of it.
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JW's came to my door 6 weeks ago. I told them I was inactive.......
by Alchemist in6 weeks ago some jws came to my door.
i've been inactive for 8 years.
after they gave their presentation i told them i was inactive.
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dubstepped
"When someone shows you who they are, believe them." - Maya Angelou
JW's claim to be identified by their love. So Alchemist, tell me, where is it? Anyone? They talk the talk but fail to walk the walk. Their love is expressed in numbers like hours, placements, time spent wandering from one side of the territory to the other to kill time, knocking on doors where they know people aren't home while avoiding places where people are. But when it really comes down to connecting with someone, to searching for lost sheep, where are they? This was a big part of my awakening. Decades devoted to an organization and I had zero friends. I know everybody, and lots of people know me, but there's absolutely no connection and never has been. Sure, everyone loved me when I did everything in the congregation and I was looked up to back then, but step down and watch all of the "love" and adoration disappear. People start talking about you and the rumor mill fires up.
In the immortal words of the Black Eyed Peas (rap/pop group for those unfamiliar), "where is the love"? I heard about it from the platform. I talked about it like it existed because I was told is was all around. But when I needed it, it was nowhere to be found. I've disappeared for a year and a half without so much as a peep before. When I reached out to fix some problems in my life nobody walked with me, in fact I was told that it couldn't be done. I've literally asked for shepherding calls in the past and was told no. No explanation. People would rather talk about me than to me. It has always been that way. What a petty and narcissistic bunch of people.
So, right now you're being shown who these people are. Will you believe them? Or will you hope for something different like I did over and over again and be fooled not once, not twice, but several times? I wish I would have believed them when they told me a long time ago. Lots of wasted time and hurt feelings. You know how many of the "Return To Jehovah" brochures I've received? Zero. None from family. None from the congregation I attended. Z-e-r-o. They don't care and never have except to the extent that it counted on a time sheet and was easy. When the chips are down, you find out who your real friends are, and I've never had even one.
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Just found out my older brother has passed away
by stuckinarut2 ini have just found out that my brother (who was one of a bunch that shared this login) has died.. he and his wife were living in another country where they once pioneered.
i didn't see him that often.. such an empty feeling.....
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dubstepped
So sorry for your loss, and for the distance over the years.