Dan-O

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Posts by Dan-O

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  4

  updated commandments

  by WildTurkey in

  1. social
  2. humour

  it's about time someone updated those commandments, so here are some suggestions...

  thou shall not stick anything larger than thine own elbow in thine ear.

  thou shall not eat anything larger than thine own head.

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  Dan-O

  Thou shall not like any show on Comedy Central, other than South Park and Dr. Katz

  Thou shall also enjoy The Man Show, for "Girls on Trampolines" are good for the soul.
• 
  15

  Brooklyn waterfront sold

  by Aaac in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  watchtower building sold .

  the jehovah's witnesses have made a deal to sell their 1 million-square-foot building on the brooklyn waterfront to ral development services, a residential development company.

  the purchase price for the 12-story building, at 360 furman st., was not disclosed.

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  Dan-O

  Depends on who you're calling, Blondie. Maybe it's the answer to the financial crisis ... nude telephone witnessing at $4.95 a minute.
• 
  15

  Brooklyn waterfront sold

  by Aaac in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  watchtower building sold .

  the jehovah's witnesses have made a deal to sell their 1 million-square-foot building on the brooklyn waterfront to ral development services, a residential development company.

  the purchase price for the 12-story building, at 360 furman st., was not disclosed.

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• 

  Dan-O

  Who cares how you are dressed. Being in Jeans or shorts or pajamas was the only good part of telephone witnessing

  ... or even IF you are dressed.

  "Hello, I'm calling to share some good news with you this morning. And by the way, I'm naked."
• 
  21

  The Easter Bunny Got Drunk

  by simplesally in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  he must have really mixed things up this year!

  my daughter was so surprised that he left her an easter basket, just like santa, she said.

  that silly easter bunny left some dolls for our neighbors at our house and when we went to their house to give them their dolls, would you believe he left some things for teryn at their house??

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  Dan-O

  I got a picture of him while he was drunk, too.
• 
  5

  Night Life as a Witness?

  by JH in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  .

  did you go out in bars when you were a witness?

  care to share a few stories....

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• 

  Dan-O

  Insomniac, there are three religious truths:

  1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

  2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.

  3. Witnesses do not recognize each other in nightclubs.
• 
  38

  Do jw's believe dinosaurs existed?

  by farmer in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  ?

  and what do they believe or not about evolution?

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  Dan-O

  I remember that teaching, Gaia. I also remember asking my favorite question ("Why?").

  I was told that Jehovah no longer needed the dinosaurs once the water canopy surrounding the earth was gone, therefore the abundance of vegetation present in pre-flood times was also gone. God no longer needed the great beasts to consume the vegetation, so he destroyed them in the flood.

  It didn't make much sense to me then, either.
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  38

  Do jw's believe dinosaurs existed?

  by farmer in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  ?

  and what do they believe or not about evolution?

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  Dan-O

  I still have one of those on my desk, Gita. I kinda like the dino. I always wondered why they didn't add Fred & Wilma & Pebbles touring the desert in their car ...
• 
  57

  THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR IN A Kingdom Hall...

  by WildTurkey in

  1. social
  2. humour

  things you never hear in a kingdom hall...

  hey!

  it's my turn to sit in the front roll.. .

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  Dan-O

  Things you never hear when the CO is visiting...

  "Where can a guy find a good poker game in this town?"

  "Got change for a twenty? I need some singles for the strip club tonight."
• 
  34

  Gallon jars of pickles (the Wal-mart thread)

  by DanTheMan in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i can't figure out if wal-mart is a force for good or evil.

  but this article was interesting, and even-handed.

  it's long, you may not want to read all of it, but worth the effort to get through imo.

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  Dan-O

  Have fun at Wal-Mart ...

  1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
  
  2. Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don't realize it.
  
  3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
  
  4.(Ladies) Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him "I need some tampons!"
  
  5. Try on bras over top of your clothes.
  
  6. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.
  
  7. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "I smell sex and candy"
  
  8. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
  
  9. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10."
  
  10.Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
  
  11. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
  
  12. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
  
  13. Put M&M's on layaway.
  
  14. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
  
  15. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath
  
  16. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
  
  17. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
  
  18. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
  
  19. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
  
  20. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
  
  21. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
  
  22. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
  
  23. Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.
  
  24. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission:Impossible."
  
  25. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
  
  26. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
  
  27. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "pick me !! pick me!!" and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.
  
  28. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
  
  29. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
  
  30. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax.
  
  31. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
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  57

  THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR IN A Kingdom Hall...

  by WildTurkey in

  1. social
  2. humour

  things you never hear in a kingdom hall...

  hey!

  it's my turn to sit in the front roll.. .

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• 

  Dan-O

  "There's no toilet paper left in the restrooms. Grab a handfull of tracts from the counter."