Posts by Fleur

38

Is the Devil making you happy, too?

by littletree in

jw
friends

this is my first post, and i'm so excited (i've been reading posts on this site for over a year now; i tried to register back in october 2003, but had some problems.

i decided to just go ahead and use my "real" work e-mail address, which seemed to have worked.

just for a short introduction- i got baptized at 14, on september 1, 2001. and on september 1, 2003, the last day of our district convention, i decided i was never going back.

Fleur

i got out at about your age, lil'tree, and its astounding how much my mind has stretched and grown exponentially in the past few years. amazing.

"You're damned if your miserable and damned if your happy; I cannot describe the clarity of the moment I realized I was not going back. It was if suddenly everything was alive and in living color! That's why they don't want any members talking to those who left; we are all so well and happy."

ooo, emma, you hit the nail on the head there. my family can't figure out why i'm not a crack wh*re yet. they keep waiting for it to happen, and don't understand how i ended up with the best marriage in the family to a 'worldly' man while being df'd.

my jw female relatives are so jealous that i'm an equal partner in my marriage, not submissive to a 'head'. or any other part of his body for that matter!!!

big hugs and so glad you're free, and here littletree! you too emma!!!!

love

fleur

13

advice please!

by blondy in

i could really use some advice.

i have never been a witness, but my boyfriend is(3rd generation).

his father is an elder, and his whole family is really into it.

Fleur

hugs to blondy, ethin...all those in this position.

sadly, you cannot necessarily 'save him' from the organization, especially if his family is all the way in so far back (I'm speaking from experience as a 4th generation jw here). as someone who eventually got out, i can tell you that no one could have 'gotten me' out before i was ready to leave myself. it just can't happen, the indoctrination is too strong, the consequences too great; losing your entire family.

unless he is truly willing to walk away from everyone, and everything in his life to be with you, you will never get a fair shake in this relationship. it will always be a threesome; a triangle between you, him, and great "Jehovah the angry sky god". you can't win that battle.

i know you don't want to hear this, but honestly, this is the advice I would give anyone who was in the position you are in; try to put a few ideas into their head about how the organization isn't all it says it is...see how they take it. if they bolt...then they are not likely going to be able to stand the heat of the elders, parents, or anyone else who will do all they can to convince him/her that you are the very devil.

get out while you can, and find someone who can love you with their whole heart. be sure that he/she knows how much you truly love them, but that you can't watch them self destruct this way by being torn in two over you.

keep us posted, i wish you luck...and if you have any questions ask, this is the place to get answers.

hugs,

fleur

51

I need some advise (I want to get divorced)

by Leander in

jw
friends

i'll start this post off by saying i love my wife, she has beautiful qualities and a sweet personality.

however i realize (and i think she does too, though she may not admit it) that since i left the org behind our goals and viewpoints are no longer unified.

as a couple we rarely fight or argue, we still have many of the same values but yet we have some issues that i know will never be fully resolved.

Fleur

wow, leander, all i can say is from reading what you wrote, my gut reaction was that there is a lot more good there than bad in your marriage...i definitely agree that you need a therapist to help you sort things out. i would caution you against doing anything rash as the others have said...this is JMO but it seems like you're glamorizing the dating and freedom thing...many people go from person to person in life never knowing what its like to feel really loved...let alone to have a family with someone. don't give up something that has more good than bad in it because you are wondering what missed dating other people.

your actions have greater consequences than just yourself. i would likely answer differently if you didn't have kids...but there are children involved and you have to proceed very cautiously with whatever decision you make.

if you truly can't go on married to someone in the borg go slowly...get help, and then consider carefully the consequences for each action you take. a night of pleasure is over in a few hours; the effects on those around you last a lifetime.

wishing you luck...keep us posted, k?

hugs

fleur

edited to add a ps: i don't know what country you're in, but likely you two would end up with split custody of the kids (i speak from experience) or she would get it altogether; meaning the kids will still be going to the kingdom hall. there may be little you can do to prevent that. all you can do, whether you stay with her or go, is to be there for your kids unconditionally, love them no matter what and that is something that no dub can give them.

28

I forgot..........

by Puternut in

jw
friends

.

.....what the voices of my children sound like.. .

puternut

Fleur

i am so, so sorry. no one should have to go through this.

((((((((puternut))))))))

hugs

fleur

58

bank/credit-card accespoint in JW-convensionhall

by Ozner in

the 2 jw convension-halls in the netherlands have now a bank/credit-card accespoint to give contribution to the wts with your bank or creditcards.

do you know this happens in other country's?

it is really strange to see that brs&srs are giving donations with their visa & mastercards.

Fleur

this is just unreal. if anyone had any doubt that they were money grubbers before, there can be none now.

you know, i can see lots of little old ladies on fixed incomes (like my grandmother) putting their plastic in and going into debt to donate to the !(~(&%!&^$! society.

makes me sick.

they are no better than any other church. in fact, they're worse.

shame on them all.

fleur

37

New Member :)

by Oh Jebus, Save Me From Your Followers! in

jw
friends

just a newbie here trying to aquaint myself.

i can' t say how thrilled i was to find out that this site existed!

it was actually shown to me by my sister - who by the way - with you're help- has seen the truth about the "truth" and is in the process of learning to live a normal life.

Fleur

welcome divamom and jebus!

Welcome, Jebus!
I love that Simpson's episode where Homer is forced to be a missionary. "But I don't even believe in Jebus!" Then a few seconds later when he's on the plane he says "Save me Jebus!"

that is exactly what i was about to say, great name choice, it gave me a laugh today when i really needed one.

welcome aboard to you! (and any other newbies i may have missed, wow, so many all of a sudden. good times!)

fleur

38

Is the Devil making you happy, too?

by littletree in

jw
friends

this is my first post, and i'm so excited (i've been reading posts on this site for over a year now; i tried to register back in october 2003, but had some problems.

i decided to just go ahead and use my "real" work e-mail address, which seemed to have worked.

just for a short introduction- i got baptized at 14, on september 1, 2001. and on september 1, 2003, the last day of our district convention, i decided i was never going back.

Fleur

welcome littletree!

may you learn and grow to be a 'bigtree' here among friends :)

hugs,

fleur

36

It's me! It's me! Welcome me!

by apprenticeofeve in

jw
friends

its me sienna....now not only did i post but i have my own name as well...yaaay!!!.

arent you proud sassy.

well for all of you who don't know me..im a 23 year old ex-jw from cali....disfellowshiped three years ago for being pregnant...well....actually for how i got pregnant...but you know what i mean.

Fleur

welcome, AOE! looks like a really fun bunch of ladies you hang out with from that picture!

what the elders wouldn't buy the 'vergence in the Force' explanation, our young apprentice? LOL kidding!!! hope you find friends and comfort and freedom to be yourself here. so glad to have you with us.

hugs,

fleur

23

How do you interact with your worldly relatives?

by pratt1 in

jw
friends

.

now that i am no longer a jw, i can associate, and celebrate holidays and other family traditions with my non-jw relatives.

however i am sometimes bitter because i missed so many experiences as a child with my relatives that they seem almost like strangers rather than relatives.. does anyone else feel this way, and how have you bridged the gap?

Fleur

awww, man, new light ((((((((((((((((((((new light)))))))))))))))))))) i know how you feel sweetie. i'm a fourth generation-er myself, my family is now working on the fifth generation of dubbies with no end in sight. so sad.

i have inherited beautiful family through my husband. his family is small, but close and they have welcomed me and my child with open arms. the first year we celebrated christmas (2000) my MIL came on a cramped plane with boxes of family ornaments (she left out anything overtly religious, she's very sensitive to my feelings on that) and she explained to me and my daughter what each one meant, who had made it, many were from relatives who have passed on. we decorated our tree at thanksgiving cause that was when they were here, and i can't tell you how we bonded.

every year now we decorate the tree together if they can come for thanksgiving (too hard for them to travel at x-mas). we share b-day gifts and cards and the like. it's a joy, and i know i am lucky to have family that can celebrate with me.

i can only hope that family of your choosing, through marriage or otherwise will come into your life newlight, to help fill some of that void. i know it won't go away completely, but i hope it gets better for you.

hugs,

fleur

18

Is it possible to obsess about the past?

by desib77 in

jw
friends

i'm just wondering what everyone's thoughts on this are.

do you feel that it is possible to obsess about the past (in particular about history as a jw) to the point that it hinders you from living a full life?

if you think this is possible, how do you know when the past is taking over?

Fleur

yes, i think it happens to people...it's a fine line between mourning the past and getting through the grief to go on to better lives (many have come here, gotten their closure and left). I left here for a long time, was out living to the full and doing things i love. then something happened that brought it all crashing down on me again when i didn't think it could, and so i'm back here.

do i hope that someday i'll be past all of this entirely? hell yes. do i think it'll happen, since all of my family are jw's? not likely. its like any other kind of recovery, i will be a recovering jw for the rest of my life. but that doesn't mean that i want it to become my life. so i do try to dwell on what i have now; i'm a damn lucky woman and i don't want to forget that, ever.

hugs for you, and some extra hugs for danny (((((((((((((Danny)))))))))))))))) and (((((((((((stefanie)))))) too

fleur