Posts by Fleur

15

Need Some Advice.

by Lostreality in

jw
friends

i love my girlfriend with all my heart and soul, but her family is very patriotic.

i see it rubbing off on her, i see her friends rubbing off on her.

the problem is, growing up in a witness household, patriotism was downplayed.

Fleur

joining the military for health benefits is patriotic?

I was just thinking the same thing, dh!

and honey, any woman who is willing to risk your life putting you in the military for HEALTH insurance is nuts. i appreciate so much what our military folks do, but if its not in your heart to join up (understandable with your JW upbringing!) then don't let anyone guilt you into it!

i don't know if i'd want a future with someone who thinks that i have to get a job that risks my life just so she can have a baby. the two don't add up. it's like trying to solve an algebra problem by chewing gum, as a wise woman once said.

i know! why don't you suggest SHE join the military if she feels so strongly about it!

crud, my quote thingy is all messed up. sorry!

good luck!

27

Finish this Sentence- JW's are good liars because.......

by doodle-v in

jw
friends

.

because they are brainwashed into thinking that "distorting the truth" is ok in circumstance involved in defending their faith-theocratic warfare.

they constantly lie to themselves about what kind of person they really are and deny themselves life's pleasures-hence the "double life syndrome" lie to friends at school, lie to elders, lie to people in the cong.

Fleur

because they can say anything, no matter how ridiculous, with a smile on their face.

19

Well, I had 'the talk'....

by TallTexan in

i've been wondering how to approach my family w/ my true feelings re: the jw's.

conveniently, my mother gave me an opening last night and i went for it.

i spent nearly four hours 'getting through' to her and was blown away, b/c she actually agreed w/ me.

Fleur

yes...be warned and prepared for any eventuality...i had made it 'through' to one of my siblings, to the point of her saying to her husband "is it my fault that we were all had, and armaggedon is never coming?"

she snapped back right into line, considers that it was a 'test of her faith' cut me out of her life, and now is a pioneer.

be optimistic, but guard your feelings. sometimes people's minds can't handle the truth about "The Truth" and they snap back into JW thinking overnight.

i hope she truly does get free!

hugs

fleur

88

What makes marraiges last

by desib77 in

jw
friends

my husband and i have been married a little over a year now and it has been the happiest year of my life.

i have finally found someone that i truly love and that truly loves me.

he's also my best friend.

Fleur

well...it's very important that you stop dating other people...some folks miss that point.

seriously though, as someone who had a horrible first marriage that lasted several years and has now had a wonderful one that is closing in on the amount of time i was married to the first guy...i can say that the one of the biggest differences is that in my second marriage, there is no headship arrangement; we are each full partners. we both take responsibility for the health and peace of the family, our marriage, and ourselves. he respects the work i do in the home (i'm too ill to hold a job anymore outside) and he knows how much effort it takes me to do even the simplest tasks, and he's grateful for everything i can do. but if i have a day where i just can't, he knows when its time to order take out/ throw in some laundry/fold the towels.

he also does housework on top of the fact he works outside the home. i think not being raised a jw, going away to college and having to take care of himself and such helped that a lot. he does dishes, takes out trash, and hauls laundry bushels up and down so i don't risk falling by doing it myself.

so guys, if you want your wife to be happy, don't be afraid to get into some housework. believe me, it will save you a lot of nagging which is more time consuming lol. i don't ever have to nag my husband, though. and when its time for him to vegg out in front of a game on tv, i don't complain, cause i know he needs some time to himself.

we both have hobbies that are based around the house and that helps too lol.

in the seven years i've known him, he has never once said anything unkind to me. not once. never intentionally tried to hurt my feelings; and that is something that has been such a change after my abusive ex. it is so easy to be married to him, and to return the same kindness to him, i could never look at him and say something mean on purpose, i just couldn't do it.

we both do our best, every day, and i think that is the real secret. your best will vary from day to day, but you have to try to do it.

i hope everyone seeking love finds the real thing!!!

hugs

fleur

10

"Truth or Consequences" is a great book!

by Dogpatch in

jw
friends

"truth or consequences" is my story about the good and bad times in the watchtower organization.

it is my hope this story will help others know what motivates a person to join a cult and what motivates a person to leave.. "truth or consequences" is a true love story of two young people who faced many obstacles as they proved their love for each other before they became jehovah's witnesses.

they believed their love and loyalty for the watchtower organization was the only way to show their love for god.

Fleur

wow, randy, sounds like a great read, will definitely have to look into getting a copy...

hugs and much love,

fleur (essie)

51

I need some advise (I want to get divorced)

by Leander in

jw
friends

i'll start this post off by saying i love my wife, she has beautiful qualities and a sweet personality.

however i realize (and i think she does too, though she may not admit it) that since i left the org behind our goals and viewpoints are no longer unified.

as a couple we rarely fight or argue, we still have many of the same values but yet we have some issues that i know will never be fully resolved.

Fleur

thanks for the clarifications leander, i apologize that i misunderstood and read it wrong and thought there were already kids involved.

it sounds like you know what you want really...that you're just trying to find the courage to go through with it. the only one who can answer what is best for you is you...

as far as finding a woman willing to experiment with weed and stuff with you...well i can't offer you any advice there, i'm a alcohol free/drug free person by choice because of what i've seen them do to my family. my sister's husband has had a nasty weed habit for their entire marriage, and it has really, really made things hard for her. she's a recovering alcoholic and...what a mess.

good luck to you, i hope you find happiness! everyone is entitled to it.

fleur

20

The fall out of shunning

by unbeliever in

jw
friends

my mom has shunned my df'd sister for 10+ years.

my brothers and i are not baptised and she will have a relationship with us even though its very strained.

we have gotten together a few times over the years and had a meal together that mom cooked.

Fleur

. It's the 'Invasion of the body snatchers'. The watchtower has 'cocooned' my 'alienated' family in the cult mind-control, psychopath ,"pods".

you said it danny...it's invasion of the body snatchers meets the Stepford Wives!!!!!

hugs,

fleur

51

I need some advise (I want to get divorced)

by Leander in

jw
friends

i'll start this post off by saying i love my wife, she has beautiful qualities and a sweet personality.

however i realize (and i think she does too, though she may not admit it) that since i left the org behind our goals and viewpoints are no longer unified.

as a couple we rarely fight or argue, we still have many of the same values but yet we have some issues that i know will never be fully resolved.

Fleur

if i read that wrong and you don't have kids yet...(thanks stephoness for posting that, i may totally have mis-read!) then definitely do not have one thinking it'll make things better.

if you are childless and know that the marriage is going nowhere...then you do both of you a disservice by staying in it. if she can never please you if she stays a jw, then you are both better off getting on with your lives.

with kids...it's a different issue. if there is abuse going on, kids or no, the abused spouse has to get themselves and the kids out, period.

sorry everyone if i read it wrong. hopefully leander will post and clarify...

hugs

fleur

51

I need some advise (I want to get divorced)

by Leander in

jw
friends

i'll start this post off by saying i love my wife, she has beautiful qualities and a sweet personality.

however i realize (and i think she does too, though she may not admit it) that since i left the org behind our goals and viewpoints are no longer unified.

as a couple we rarely fight or argue, we still have many of the same values but yet we have some issues that i know will never be fully resolved.

Fleur

Danny...reading this made me so sad.

I'm 47 born in the 'troof' and I never married.I have a colostomy bag which doesn't enhance one's attractiveness.

you may not believe this, but there are women out there who do not let a physical disability keep them from loving someone. sounds to me like you haven't met the right woman yet, and i hope with all my heart you do, if that's something you want. having that bag doesn't make you any less lovable.

i wanted to clarify my previous post in this thread...if there truly are irreconcilable differences...i mean if you and your wife can't get along and argue esp. in front of the kids then i'd be the last person to tell you to stick it out. my parents always screamed at each other so loud i will never get over how it effected me as a child. it changes your children.

i can't know all the details, i was strictly going by your post, in which you sound so torn. i just wanted to speak up and say don't let the thought of what sleeping with someone else may or may not be be the deciding factor in this. if you do that...if you think with your hormones instead of your heart and brain, you may end up with a lot of regrets later. you may be sorry you left.

but hey, i only know what you posted. so like i said, get thee to a counselor quickly, good man, and then go from there and do what is best in everyone's interest. if you get angry and resentful for staying, that won't be any good for your wife and kids either. she deserves someone who will love her 100%. they deserve to grow up in a peaceful household. and kids can feel the tension, believe me, even if its unspoken. no matter how young they are. some of my earliest memories is of my parents screaming at each other; the only time it was silent was when you were waiting for the other shoe to drop.

another random thought just occurred to me...are you prepared to deal with the idea of who she will marry after you, of who will be your parent's step-father? these are questions you really need to ponder before you do anything. will you be able to handle that? my ex does very badly with that, he is crazy jealous of the good relationship my daughter has with her step dad.

if it sounds like i'm being hard on you i apologize, i don't mean to be. it's just ending a marriage is no joke...and a lot of heartache. and i'm speaking as someone who did initiate the divorce and remarried and is happier now (to escape abuse). even though I am 1000 percent sure i did the right thing for myself and my child, she is th eone who has had it hardest in all of this. i wish i could have spared her that.

hugs

fleur

20

The fall out of shunning

by unbeliever in

jw
friends

my mom has shunned my df'd sister for 10+ years.

my brothers and i are not baptised and she will have a relationship with us even though its very strained.

we have gotten together a few times over the years and had a meal together that mom cooked.

Fleur

as someone who has been left out of numerous family dinners/trips/weddings/ all other social functions that included my siblings in the past six years (including one 'weak' jw who would definitely have been df'd if she'd 'opened up' to the elders about her activities and not kept her mouth shut...) and one never baptized sib, i speak from experience when i say that i think anything you can do to help your sister's feelings heal whether you see your mom or not will be appreciated by her.

99.9 percent of the family events that i am excluded from by my family because i left a man who abused me and then married one who doesn't include invitations for my abusive ex and his new wife. yes, you read that right. the man who abused me is welcome in my relatives homes, but i am not. he doesn't even go to meetings anymore! but yet, he is acceptable company and i am not.

i cannot tell you how badly that hurts.

hang in there, it's not a fun situation for anyone who is in it. your mom can't begin to realize the damage she is doing. and if she thinks such 'loving' treatment will draw your sister back...well, speaking for myself, i can only tell you that if they hadn't shunned me, i'd have been a lot likely to go back.

now?

never. so i guess maybe i should thank them for ensuring that i will never want to be a jw again.

sorry you have to go through this.

fleur