Chia, I have a similar frustration. It's not with my family though, but my neighbors. Would you believe that the house directly across the street from mine is that of a JW couple?!?! And there are two other JW families on the block! They basically know all my comings and goings, and I feel anxiety everytime I leave my home. Since I'm not yet disfellowshipped (so far, i'm only a RUMORED apostate and fornicator), they do say hello, but I'm sure they've seen my boyfriend's car, or my wordly family members coming over to eat a meal on a holiday. I'll be 28 years old, and although I'd like to say that I'm an adult who makes my own decisions, having been a Witness has subjected me to this OTHER reality where I don't yet feel free to do as I please. I'm just gonna hang in there, and hope that things get easier for me, that I'll get stronger. The comfort is that I am happier now than I've ever been in all my 26 (12 baptized) years as a JW.
littletree
JoinedPosts by littletree
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17
Frustration
by Chia init just blows my mind.
i am an adult, and i can't go out without getting the third degree.
i can't have a phone/internet conversation without being interrogated and/or watched.
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85
Describe Yourself Without Being Revealing.
by Golf inas i told kl, i'm not sabotaging her thread, mine has a twist, for example, my wife 'descibes' me best by always reminding that i'm not 'normal.
' this means i do things differently than the ordinary person as i'm into many activities.
many of these activities involve people.
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littletree
I LOVE music, colorful flowers, puppies, and seeing kids smile. I'm terribly worrisome, yet hopeful all at the same time. I'm a giver, and I feel things way too deeply. I'm a lot happier than I used to be, because I've learned how to slow down and take deep breaths... uh, except when I'm cut off in traffic.
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littletree
sometimes i think that i miss my witness friends. 1 or 2 of them who are hanging on by a thread still keep in contact with me. but what happened to me last week reminds me why i'm better off without contact from "friends" who are still JW: a guy who's like a brother to me e-mailed me, telling me how much he missed me and thought about what a good friend i'd been to him. when i replied that i was happy and still trying to find "spirituality", he went right back and told others that what i said sounded "apostate". he's the one that sought ME out! he probably printed out what i said and gave it to my elders- who haven't questioned my whereabouts over the last year and a half. some "friend".
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littletree
(This will be really easy, because I just got off the phone with my mother:) condescending, incapable of REAL reasoning, horribly narrow-minded, happily blind, and having no concept of LOVE that's unconditional and all-inclusive. afraid of change and things that are different. also, generally well-meaning but brainwashed past the point of return.
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Is religion and faith not possible for some?
by littletree ini ask this question because i'm starting to have the scarey feeling that i was born "faithless".
other than feeling that babies and flowers are beautiful and miraculous, i have been having the darndest time feeling 100% sure that god exists and cares.
things that religious folks say are "blessings" i just see as the product of human effort and choice, or as stuff that probably would have happened anyway.
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littletree
I really appreciate all of the input, knowing that I'm not the only one who can't help not giving a damn (and as doogie said, yet feeling like I ought to). Doogie, I think I'm gonna look at those books you mentioned . And Elsewhere, I can certainly relate to that "peace" you have without religion! If only the holy-rollers in my family would understand. oh well.
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Is religion and faith not possible for some?
by littletree ini ask this question because i'm starting to have the scarey feeling that i was born "faithless".
other than feeling that babies and flowers are beautiful and miraculous, i have been having the darndest time feeling 100% sure that god exists and cares.
things that religious folks say are "blessings" i just see as the product of human effort and choice, or as stuff that probably would have happened anyway.
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littletree
I ask this question because I'm starting to have the scarey feeling that I was born "faithless". Other than feeling that babies and flowers are beautiful and miraculous, I have been having the darndest time feeling 100% sure that God exists and cares. Things that religious folks say are "blessings" I just see as the product of human effort and choice, or as stuff that probably would have happened anyway. I'm not purposely trying to feel this way- I just do! Honestly (I guess it's partly the trauma of having been a JW), I don't even really care right now about joining any religion, to learn the "right" way to serve an invisible being. Both the Witness and non-Witness sides of my family are Christian, and swear that God's hand is in just about everything; but I just feel queasy when they start talking about God. I don't want to debate about evolution or creation, but moreso discuss personal, gut feelings. So my question to everyone is whether you're like me, and just don't have a solid faith, and aren't sure at all whether God exists or not? (i.e. you're not a diehard athiest, or a diehard churchgoer, either). I just wonder if my life- and the life of any children I have in the future- will be less meaningful if I don't believe in SOMETHING? I thank you in advance for your responses.
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Are You SURE JWs Don't Have The Truth???
by minimus inhas anyone here ever questioned whether or not they made the right decision to leave the "truth"?......i'm sure glad i'm out!
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littletree
Thanks Minimus, and nice to meet/greet you! It was so ironic that it was also the anniversary of my baptism (09.01.1991). The difference is that my choice to be baptized, at 14, was made because the Organization was all that I had known, and because I wanted to please my mother. The choice I made one year ago was ALL mine! I'm still working out how I feel about religion, and God, but at least I have the freedom to do that. I feel so much more at peace with myself. I bet most people here do.
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Are You SURE JWs Don't Have The Truth???
by minimus inhas anyone here ever questioned whether or not they made the right decision to leave the "truth"?......i'm sure glad i'm out!
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littletree
I stopped attending the Kingdom Hall exactly 1 year ago, as of yesterday. When I start to doubt my decision about leaving, I come to this forum, or I remind myself of how I always felt "not good enough" as a Witness. Or of how, eventhough I had a good heart and sincerely practiced what I preached, I wasn't one of the favored ones in my Hall because I didn't have the best "hours". I remind myself of the judgemental attitudes of those in the Hall. I remind myself of the fact that I went door-to-door teaching prophecies that I never really believed. I remind myself that there are GOOD people (some religious, some not) in this world, not just "wicked" or "wordly" people as Witnesses claim. I remind myself that this Organization, of man, never made me feel any closer to God- no matter how hard I tried, cried, and prayed. I believe that truth and spiritually should be sincere, heartfelt, and come naturally.
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What if the tables were turned
by Iforget inhow about if when a member continues to be a jw you shun them?
cut off all communication unless it's an emergency and if they do try and contact you berate them with guilt and fear of death.
i suppose i already do that because i don't really see my parents all that often and when i do i keep it superficial.
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littletree
I have limited the association with my Witness relatives (my mom, grandmother, an aunt, an an uncle) because I know that somewhere in the conversation they will say something disparaging, about me not being an active Witness anymore. I basically made the choice before they did. My family is running on a "don't ask, don't tell" policy, as far as my lifestyle is concerned. I'f I were officially disfellowshipped, I know they'd cut me off all together, but I'm not yet. It's been one year to the exact day that I left, and I like the relative piece of mind that I have now. Too bad that their rules have forced me to sacrifice having a closer relationship with them.
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5
need some advice
by boy@crossroads ini've been doing the fade for about 5 months now and doing my best to stay away from all witnesses.
i'm currently living with my brother who is still an active witness.
i've been doing my best these last couple of months to establish friends away from the twoof.
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littletree
I'm going through the same thing... so I don't have any good advice to give. A girl that I was best friends with when I was active still wants to hang out with me (she was disfellowshipped, but came back). I really do need some friends, since I faded away a year ago. In the meantime, I've just been growing closer to my non-JW family members. I've decided to just hang out with the JW girl sparingly, lest other JWs convince her to reject me in the end, or she even decides to get all righteous on me. It takes time to build new friendships.