Posts by mamochan13

61

Do you think those at the top realise that it's their fault - suicide as a result of being disfellowshipped?

by jambon1 in

jw
friends

i have been stunned to hear of two suicides in our area recently.. this adds to the other 3 that i have known of from the past.. the two recent suicides resulted from 1-the person being gay & hearing a horrific talk at the kingdom hall & 2-the person with problems who was disfelloshipped & then took his life the next week.. it astonished me that jw's in general don't rebel against this sort of thing.

it's an appalling lack of support which leads people to feel distressed, abandoned & unloved.

how the witnesses in the locality can just sail on without giving the cruelty of these measures serious though is beyond me.

mamochan13

Lady Lee, Finkelstein - the notion of JWs using suicide as proof that the Df'd person was consumed with guilt due to their "wrongdoing" is so twisted and sick, it leaves me speechless. But true, unfortunately.

I was thinking about how the whole DFing policy empowers individual R&F JWs to behave in a hateful and cruel way towards others. The woman who called you "mental", Steve2, is a good example. Because they believe they have "the truth" in everything they do, no matter how dysfunctional or cruel, they are justified in all kinds of behaviours that would be unacceptable to the rest of the world.

30

Is there anyone out there who married a non jW...?how did it turn out for ?Are u happy?

by Chichi89 in

jw
friends

please be honest....did love conquer it all?.

how did u make it work?.

mamochan13

I married a non-JW twice. It didn't work either time. First husband was an abuser, the second could not manage the strain of me being DFd. Had we married after I woke up and left the religion on my own, we'd still be married - we are good friends now.

However, my mom married a non-JW. She was baptised (at age 18) the year before she met him, and was not raised in the religion. It always puzzled me how she got away with it. But they celebrated their 60th anniversary two years ago. When she died last year, he was still lovingly at her side. I think the key with their relationship, though, was that my dad let her completely control everything about religion in our house, including raising us kids. They fought, of course, but it was never about religion.

61

Do you think those at the top realise that it's their fault - suicide as a result of being disfellowshipped?

by jambon1 in

jw
friends

i have been stunned to hear of two suicides in our area recently.. this adds to the other 3 that i have known of from the past.. the two recent suicides resulted from 1-the person being gay & hearing a horrific talk at the kingdom hall & 2-the person with problems who was disfelloshipped & then took his life the next week.. it astonished me that jw's in general don't rebel against this sort of thing.

it's an appalling lack of support which leads people to feel distressed, abandoned & unloved.

how the witnesses in the locality can just sail on without giving the cruelty of these measures serious though is beyond me.

mamochan13

Those at the top don't care. They justify their behaviour and blame the victim.

The actions of the elders may not be direct causal factors for suicide, but the question is: would that individual still be alive if they had not been disfellowshipped? If the answer is "probably, yes" then I think it's clear where responsibility lies.

I was not suicidal when disfellowshipped. I fought back, I worked hard for reinstatement. I did everything right. It was only after months and months of elder cruelty that I became worn down. But the blatant cruelty of a family turning their back on a child, holding little nieces and nephews heads and saying, "don't even look at her" took the life of at least one of my friends.

79

I Got disfellowshiped..wana die!

by Chichi89 in

jw
friends

i jus got dissfellowshiped at th last week..i feel like dying..i attended th meetings yesterday and ita ws jus horrible..came back home in tears....... people i used to cal my friends nw cant look me in the eye..so heartbroken confused and giving up on life !.

mamochan13

Chichi- glad you are rallying. We have lost far too many to suicide after DFing. And many of us here came very close but managed to survive. We understand. It may not be obvious now, but in a few years you will look back and see this as a branch in the road. This can be an opportunity for change. Loss is incredibly painful, but you can build anew. There are many, many are like you - who have used the turning point to build something better. Good luck. Keep moving forward. You can do it.

79

I Got disfellowshiped..wana die!

by Chichi89 in

jw
friends

i jus got dissfellowshiped at th last week..i feel like dying..i attended th meetings yesterday and ita ws jus horrible..came back home in tears....... people i used to cal my friends nw cant look me in the eye..so heartbroken confused and giving up on life !.

mamochan13

ChiChi89, i felt the same when i was df'd. i married the non-jw, but it didnt work out - mostly because the hell the elders, the jws, and my jw family put me through messed me up so badly that i could not build a healthy relationship.

I would suggest for right now - stay close to your boyfriend and build your relationship. dont torture yourself going to meetings. If you want to get reinstated, you can start going back in a few months. The elders actually like that better because it fits with their twisted notion of what df'd people are and makes a show of "going back". Attending every meeting right now will make no difference to them and won't help you get reinstated. It only causes you pain.

You are not a bad person. You have done nothing deserving of the horrible treatment you are receiving.

29

Do you make any kinds of breads? Which ones do you like?

by Iamallcool in

jw
friends

mamochan13

I have a tried and true "sweet" bread recipe that I've used for years. Pretty basic. It's supposed to be for cinnamon buns, but I used it for pizza dough and for these special buns my kids love - I put three small balls of dough in cupcake molds, and the buns tear into bit-size chunks. Delicious. Maybe I'll make some after I finish my insane cookie-making project.

52

I had cataract surgery on Feb 12

by Lady Lee in

jw
friends

i cannot believe the difference in my vision.

even with glasses my vision in the left eye was poor.

but i can now read a 12 font fairly clearly without the glasses.

mamochan13

Lady Lee - I think the scary part for those of us who have always had vision problems is the threat of losing eyesight completely. I was told at 12 years old that I was going to be blind by 20, so I've always lived in fear of that, I guess. OVer the years I've looked into all kinds of eye surgeries - radial keratotomy, laser surgery, etc. But I was terrified that I'd go blind because that was implanted in me at 12. I guess that speaks to the power of cult-think, in a way!

My optometrist told me I will be very happy with cataract surgery, so it's really good to hear personal stories like yours to reinforce that. So glad things turned out well for you.

52

I had cataract surgery on Feb 12

by Lady Lee in

jw
friends

i cannot believe the difference in my vision.

even with glasses my vision in the left eye was poor.

but i can now read a 12 font fairly clearly without the glasses.

mamochan13

Glad to hear your experieance, Lady Lee. I'm facing this operation within the next year or so and it's very scary.

43

May 15 2013 WT: "REAL elders skip meals and lose sleep!"

by cedars in

finally we have the society's expectations of elders in print.. this is from page 9 of the may 15th study edition.... "as indicated by the experiences of the apostle paul, our ministry may result in sleepless nights and times without food.

(2 cor.

6:5) these expressions paint a vivid picture of self-sacrifice and may well remind us of pioneers who give their ministry first place in life while supporting themselves financially.

mamochan13

I think it's what I expect of my religious leaders if I'm following a particular faith. They are the shepherds. It's their job to be there when the flock needs them.

Of course, the issue of voluntary work is huge. The guys at the top are expecting the elders at the bottom to do this work unpaid. That's wrong. It's also wrong that they are untrained volunteers being asked to give everything for free while still trying to support themselves and their families.

56

Looking for a partner.....

by LouBelle in

jw
friends

righto, so who would like to get married?

i'm a great cook, good with kids, can clean and am currently in the process of losing weight.

in 6 months i'm good to go.

mamochan13

sulla my president has 5 wives so i could get used to it.

Heh. I love it, Loubelle. To me, that brings home the whole cultural disconnect - how can we in the west really relate to what you are experiencing in terms of reverse discrimination? We do have some similar things in CAnada. Federal government jobs are mostly limited to those who speak French (which is most of Canada outside of Quebec) and they are often limited to First Nations people. Personally I don't care what wrong might need righting - discrimination and refusal to accept equality is wrong. Period. So I feel for you, because I'm fighting my own set of prejudices in getting hired - ageism is also rampant.

Perhaps you should start seriously investigating what might be required to emigrate? Marriage can't be the only criteria? We have a huge meat packing plant in my province that is almost completely staffed with immigrants from Africa. We have a website that targets foreign workers, inviting them to come work here. As jgnat says, you may want to check out the opportunities.