This is what I recall from leaving the JW life 3 1/2 year ago. For nearly a year I had been thinking that something just was not right about the JW lifestyle and the requirements Jehovah put upon us. I had been living the JW life faithfully for 29 years.
I'd be sitting in the Theorcratic school meeting looking at all of us going through robotic actions of appearing happy to be at the meetings. Exhausted and bored because of sitting in so many meetings each week. Reassuring my sons that this was the best place in the world to be. After all the whole world was lying in the power of Satan the Devil, the fighter of real truth that we had right here tempting us.
I would sit there thinking of all the people I knew in the world who would be destroyed. I knew so many because I had a home sewing business and did alterations for the public for 17 years. I thought of Ms. Brady a wonderful lady who attended the Methodist Church. Who had pizza delivered to our home when I was sick with the flu for a week and had to close my business to recover. How she had brought us a huge hams at Christmas time because she loved all of us. I thought of my brother and sister whom I loved dearly who would not be in the new system. They had never hurt anyone and went out their way to help others including me their JW fleshly sister. I, who was not so kind to them because they would not become JW's. The more I thought, the more it seemed just crazy that God wanted to destroy them simply because they did not see him in the same light I did. I thought of my Catholic mother in law who was kinda weird at times but good to us, and would do anything for us if we needed her. Were these people really condemned in Jehovah and Jesus eyes???? Were they really going to destroy these good people because they were not JW's. So I started reading my bible, and at the same time looking up every scripture in the publications I read. Often times the scripture did not match what was being said. It didn't say all the world would be destroyed, but more along the lines that those who did not believe in Jesus would be. Then I began to realize that maybe the WTS was not correct. I had discussions with people on the internet though I stayed away from those I was sure was apostate like this site. LOL But those discussions when people were tactful with me helped me think.
Why would Jehovah require us to stay in cruel and terrible marriages just because he hated divorce? Why was it so bad for women to stand up for themselves if they were married. Or why was it bad for a brother to question the Elders about certain policies set by the congregation or the Watchtower Society? But fear was really strong. I knew that Jehovah would destroy me for such questioning. But why I would ask myself? Am I being unreasonable as the WTS kept telling us we were who questioned them? Little by little the fear began to drop away enough that leaving seemed possible to me. I was in a terrible marriage where my sons and I were put down and humilitated constantly. Me more than my sons.
Then my middle son age 15 was killed as a result of an auto accident. Blood was forbidden by the Elders who went with us to the hospital and by Dak's Dad. My dear Dakie probably would have died anyway, he was very badly injured, but without blood early on there was no chance. After the funeral and the numbing grief eased the tinest bit I knew I could not live this way any longer. With the help of a friend I left my childrens JW Dad. I began research on the blood policy, and found that it was totally wrong from any type of sound reasoning. I now understood I had blind faith in the Watchtower Society interpeting what the bible meant. Now I knew for sure my questions were sound. I came to find many things they were wrong about too. But by then I had lost all fear of the WTS because of Dak's death. I did not care at all that they called me apostate. They disfellowshipped me but I did not care because the chains they had around me were nothing more than smoke and mirrors.
Yes fear is gripping, being cut off from all those you have known perhaps all your life. Fear of losing your family. And fear of this God that Jehovah's Witnesses worship called Jehovah was frightening. He is not a God that reachs out to embrace his stumbled children but he destroys them just as he did in the old testement. The love that Jesus came to teach seems non existent because he rarely mentioned. I one time had my sons put check marks besides Jesus name and checks beside Jehovah name as the speaker gave his talks on Sunday. Many times I noticed that Jesus was rarely mentioned. One time I counted that Jehovah was mentioned 20 times and Jesus was mentioned 2 times. Yet we were taught we could only approach Jehovah through Jesus. Something was not right.
Its hard leaving the Jehovah Witnesses, but it is absolutely true we are so much happier without that pressure and fear. To find out that the Watchtower Bible & Tract Society is not being inspired by Jehovah to interpet his scriptures was the scissors that cuts us free. So for those of your still fearful, read, read everything you can on the internet. Pick up Ray Frantz book "Crisis of Conscious" it will throughly enlighten you. After all if it is the truth then there is nothing the opposition can say that would make it wrong unless it is wrong in the first place. Think about it.
