Apostate means "One who leaves Jehovah and his teachings and then tries to have others follow you" something like that.
I don't conider myself as an apostate because I still believe in God(Jehovah) and Jesus! And also I am not trying to have other people join me. Yes, I would love my family too see the light and leave but they have to leave for them. I can't do it!
However I don't believe the cover ups and hiding and lies etc... I am also having a hard time because I have a huge family who is deeply in the JW religion and I have only been inactive 5 or 6 months now. Its really hard and I DO know what you are going through. All I can say is follow your heart. Try not to go and please them by going to the meetings etc.. because God can see that. I don't think he would like you going because of them and not God Himself. Thats what I have learned since being on here. Just follow your heart and I wish the best for you and your husband.
Brooke