G'Day Joel.
Mate, your question is a pertinent one, seemingly basic and almost rhetorical, but upon deeper inspection, is found bound and coupled with the biggest enigma of our life. Its like the Fermat's Last Theorem of psychology.
In so much as saying i myself find that i have an affinity for your person, unfortunately i am unqualified to make you believe that.
But, i can offer you a vestige point. I often consult a modern day equal to the " Mr Know It All " that once made cameo appearances on Rocky and Bullwinkle ( before the darker hours befalled upon him ),
who's name is Mr Thunderpants. Now dinkum, this blokes good, real good.
I like you Joel, am often found entertaining thoughts regarding the deeper considerations of life, and just last month i threw what i thought would be like the twin envelope paradox type question onto this gem of a bloke BUT he bloody well responded to my satisfaction.
Look him up on google, he's good Joel, very bloody good. Let me show you how good he really is................
Dear Mr. Thunderpants, ( from BATHORY )
If I decide to pick your nose, which would be the proper hand to use? Your left or right?
Signed,
Just scratching
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Dear Just,
There is no proper hand to use while picking one's nose. It is a gray area with factions split almost evenly down the middle, some favoring the left hand, some the right. In Catholic schools, nuns force students to write with their right hand, even if they are left-handed. To even things out, they require all students to pick their nose with their left hand. In more liberal Catholic schools, they are now allowing masturbation under the "don't ask, don't tell" policy. This is despite the fact that most nuns are not at all interested in asking and most students are not that interested in telling. There is no word whether the Nuns prefer the left or right hand for this act.
From a nose-picking historical perspective, there is this: In the 1876 presidential race Rutherford B. Hayes was losing badly to Samuel Tilden, the governor of New York. It was almost as bad as when Walter Mondale was plastered by Ronald Reagan in 1984. But fate conspired for Tilden to grab defeat from the jaws of victory, making Hayes our 19th President.
As you undoubtedly know, in the years immediately following the Civil War, it was not permissable for bearded men to use their right hand to "search for gold," if-you-know-what-I-mean. Well, Mr. Hayes was bearded and he had recently hurt his left arm in a hunting accident (he got really drunk and shot at a group of bird watchers, mistaking them for moose, and they beat him silly). Because of his inability to use his left arm, he picked with his right and was seen doing so several times by members of his homestate Ohio press. The press did the noble thing, of course, and the news spread throughout the country like wild-fire. In those days wild fires took almost a week to travel an acre, and Hayes won the Presidency despite this faux pas, though his was an election where he not only lost the popular vote to Tilden, but also won the electoral college vote by only one vote. Whew!
Some historians believe the series of picks in which Hayes was caught red-handed might have actually been the catalyst to his garnering the presidency. At the time there was much discontent because many popular Hollywood producers had been blacklisted when they were caught in a dark room behind a back-alley bar, using the wrong hand to pick. Hollywood producers in those days produced dairy products, and much of the Southwest was without American cheese for a long time. So, when Hayes was caught, a groundswell of support lifted him to his presidency, hoping he would free the shackles of wrong-pickers everywhere and allow milk to flow freely in the Southwest once again.
Being a president, this didn't happen. Hayes was too busy golfing and working on a new invention he called "The Internet." But because a wrong-picker had won the highest office, the collar of being a wrong-picker slowly faded to the point that many historians now deny that any of this ever even happened.
So Joel if you ike my recommendation to you would be ask Mr Thunderpants and let me know ow it goes !