Posts by BeautifulGarbage

46

Women and abusive relationships...I don't understand?

by obiwan in

jw
friends

why do you stay in an abusive relationship?

do you feel that it's your responsibility to change him?

do you feel you "owe" him.

BeautifulGarbage

I came from an abusive home.

My Father: When he was good, he was fantastic, and when he was bad, he was awful. The man is charming and generous. He is also brutal and mean. He was very good looking and athletic. He either wanted complete control over it or have nothing do it with it. His household was not abusive at all. In fact, though not perfect, my grandparents were loving people. Especially my Grandfather.

My Mom: Her home was not abusive either. Though, her Mother was swept away by the JW's when she was five. Her befuddled husband drank to mourn the loss of his wife to the Org. Finally, due to his drinking, my Mom's Dad died when she was 12.

My Father romanced and showered attention and affection on my Mom.

They got married at the KH. My Dad 19 and my Mom, 14. I wouldn't consider 14 a good age to be able to pick a good marriage partner. Though, my grandmother, feeling the burden of children and no husband, allowed her to get married.

It was twenty-two years of a roller coaster ride that finally careened off the tracks and ended in disaster. It took my sister, and I, years to overcome our upbringing. Our brother, unfortunately, was not able to overcome and lives on the edge with drugs and living who knows where.

Why she stayed? Well, he threatened her. He would take the us kids and she would never see us again. He would kill her, etc. He had beaten her up many time, she believed him. She never graduated high school. Never been on her own.How in the world would she support us? And the heady feeling of the good times that she desperately hoped would last. But, finally, one day, she just couldn't take it anymore. And that last night, when she told him to leave, he exploded and some those threats, and her fears, came true. I know, I was there. And even after all of that, when he charged at me and shoved me into the wall and tried to punch me, she threw herself over me to protect me from him.

And it was that night that I vowed that NO MAN or human for that matter, would ever hit, push, shove, me without getting seriously hurt back. And, I told my spouse that if he ever hit me, he had better kill me, because if I can get back up, he has seen his last day. A bit strong, I know, but I needed to make it my point very clear: I am no victim.

But, unlike my Mom, I picked a good one.

And that is how it happened in my house.

10

Play Ground Witnessing

by BeautifulGarbage in

jw
friends

i work at an elementary school part time supervising children.

i love my job and being around those kids.

having been a witness kid and having been raised in an alcohol crazed environment, i have a soft spot for those little ones who are the victims of adult irresponsibility and heartbreaking circumstances.

BeautifulGarbage

Thank you, everyone, for commenting on this thread.

Cruzanheart,

I, too, I'm grateful that my own children will never be witness kids. I realize now, that the pressure is enormous. Though, in my own childhood, it wasn't all bad. Sometimes, I would actually go to meetings with my Grandmother, a super JW zealot, just to get away from my insane home (My Dad had been DF'd and hadn't been reinstated, yet). The old sisters at the hall, and bookstudies, were nice to me and I had a few hours of "peace." However, living with the "the end" looming was frightening and took many years to get over.

Dawn,

Yes, either way there is baggage. I suppose the only outcome one can hope for is that his foster Mom will one day have her trance broken.

Joker 10,

As a matter of fact, no.

Latte,

At the time that he offered it to me, it didn't occur that he brought it just for me. I'm still not sure of that, it was only something that struck me later that perhaps this may have been planned.

Elsewhere,

I generally get a daily hug from Billy. If the matter comes up again, I will gently tell him that I appreciate his concern, but I am working and my focus needs to concentrated on the safety of the students.

Big Tex,

In no way, whatsoever, did you offend me or did I feel criticized.

"O K" he says dejectedly. I guess he had better get used to it because there is going to be mostly rejection of his magazines.

Ouch

.

Please know that I didn't say "I guess he had better get used to it because there is going to be mostly rejection of his magazines." to Billy. I was something I thought about when writing this post. And, it's true. Save for a handful, if he's lucky, nobody is going to be interested in his Watchtowers. Rejection is a way of life for JW's. Could I have been one less? I suppose I could have been at that moment. However, even for Billy, I could not do that. First off, to accept it from someone that I see five days a week only invites questions about whether or not I have read the material. I didn't want to get his hopes up and sooner or later I would have had to reject his teachings. I felt it was best to stop it right there.

Also, I have an obligation to be fair and impartial towards all of the kids regardless of their circumstances. This means that I must do my utmost to retain an air of emotional detachment. I have also had to whisper in the ears of a few other kids about standing respectfully during the flag salute. Plus, if it had been some information about some fundamentalist church, my reaction would have been the same. I would be lying, however, if I were to claim that the WTS being a factor in this situation didn't effect me on a personal level.

Also this week, a little boy told me that he felt safe at school because he had his bible in his backpack. My response was that I was glad he felt safe.

Please know that I do very much appreciate your perspective and insight. I have a seven year old son, myself. And know how much the love, and approval, of the adults in his life mean to him.

Freedom96,

No, he doesn't know any better. I need to remember that.

Suzi,

Thanks. I'm not a teacher, though. I'm a supervision aid. Along with my co-workers, I make sure the kids behave and are safe while their teachers prepare for school and take a lunch break. I mainly took this job because it allows me to see my son during the day and can be home when I kids are home. Though, I do tend to be rather "motherly" towards them and am always willing to give a hug if it's needed.

Talesin,

Thanks. I think I do have an very empathic side that some of the kids clue into. Billy's sad tale is one of many that I have encountered. It's the JWness of it that resonated with me for obvious reasons. I hope that any damage done to him is minimal.

Again, thanks:)

10

Play Ground Witnessing

by BeautifulGarbage in

jw
friends

i work at an elementary school part time supervising children.

i love my job and being around those kids.

having been a witness kid and having been raised in an alcohol crazed environment, i have a soft spot for those little ones who are the victims of adult irresponsibility and heartbreaking circumstances.

BeautifulGarbage

I work at an elementary school part time supervising children. I love my job and being around those kids. Having been a witness kid and having been raised in an alcohol crazed environment, I have a soft spot for those little ones who are the victims of adult irresponsibility and heartbreaking circumstances. Unfortunately, too many of the kids at my school carry burdens that any adult would struggle to cope.

Then, there is Billy*, eight years old. A very bright, sweet, and articulate little boy who is desperate for love and acceptance. He also has a mischievous streak that sometimes gets him in hot water with me for an infraction of some silly (in his eyes) rule. Other times, he wants to be my "helper" which mainly entails following me around while I referee various kid disagreements, game rule infractions, and breaking up posse's of 10 year old boys looking for trouble. Recess, and our parting, generally ends with a hug and a marriage proposal. Last term, he told excitedly "My Mom is coming to see me this Saturday!" "She is? That's great!" I would respond. I didn't need to ask, too many kids like him at this place. For whatever reason, he began to explain that he lives with his foster Mom and brother. Matter of factly, he tells me his "real" Mom used to beat and not feed him. Yet, he is still giddy at the prospect of having a visit with her. Remembering my own childhood, I can understand. Being an adult woman with children, I can't.

Billy is a Jehovah's Witness.

How I found out was when he was goofing off during the time, in the morning, when the whole school stands together and does the flag salute. I walked over and in an elevated whisper tell him to stand straight and be respectful! "But I'm a Jehovah's Witness and we don't salute the flag!" he said. "Fine," I said, "however, YOU WILL stand quietly until the salute is done, understand?" His barely audible "yes" indicated that he did. I was probably a bit more stern than I would have been otherwise because of my JW background.

Another time Billy tells me that his foster Mom takes him to the Kingdom hall (he never mentions a foster Dad). I nod and don't say anything. The last thing this kid needs to hear my diatribe about the WTS and what it did to my family. His Mom never did show up to visit him and lost her parental rights. I never ask, he just tells me. But, he's happy because his foster Mom is going to adopt him!

All I can do is let out my breath. I'm happy? I'm sorry?

I'm ambivalent to say the least.

"I'm glad you are being taken care of, Billy".

Then today he comes up to me and gently pokes me on the arm to get my attention, "Mrs. XXX, would you like a Watchtower Magazine about persecution?" "What?" I respond (thinking to myself, "did I hear that right?") He repeats the question. I answer "Billy, school is not the appropriate place to distribute religious material as I eyed the folded Watchtower in his front pocket [I wanted to say "propaganda" but refrained). "O K" he says dejectedly. I guess he had better get used to it because there is going to be mostly rejection of his magazines.

I suppose in his mind he had my best interest at heart because from his perspective I'm to perish at the big A and he was only trying to save my life. And, this life has dealt him a difficult hand, paradise must sound awfully good. The soothing salve to heal all wounds.

Life is good/sucks sometimes.

24

Ever regret having kids? Honestly!

by Ariell in

jw
friends

this is a thread from ivillage.

the admission from these women is a real eye opener.

i think it's easier for a mother to be more honest when she's talking to other mothers.

BeautifulGarbage

There have been days when I thought to myself "What was I thinking?!"

Regret? No.

20

!!HAPPY BIRTHDAY MULAN!!

by Princess in

jw
friends

.

happy birthday mom!.

.

BeautifulGarbage

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MARILYN!

7

The root of misogyny - men don't like mirrors

by DanTheMan in

jw
friends

you know, sometimes hearing just one little thing can change your whole outlook on something.

last night i was watching the movie "the big kahuna" (danny devito, kevin spacey).

the movie was more like a play, 95% of it was a dialogue between the 3 main characters - 3 industrial lubricant salesmen pondering some of the heavier things in life whilst trying to land the big sale (the big kahuna).

BeautifulGarbage

A profound truth imho (except the "God created" part, but that wasn't the point of it). I now understand why Islamic fundies like the Taliban and to a lesser degree Xtian fundies like JW's try to keep their women in a position of weakness. They want to mold the mirror into something that either reflects them well or not at all, or they want to put so much fear and projected inferiority into the mirror that the reflection becomes irrelevant in their mind. Because men don't like to see what asses they are.

Very profound insight, Dan. Thanks so much for writing it and sharing it with us.

And it goes right back to Adam and Eve. If Adam was so damn superior, why was he such a dumbass and ate the apple.

30

Question: What keeps the Watchtower Society going?

by Vitameatavegamin in

jw
friends

hello folks, it's been awhile since i have posted, hope everyone is doing well!

i have a question, though, if the society is not paying the governing body, or other "big wigs" in ny large salaries, what would be the motivating factor for the society to continue to exist?

i am not saying that money is everything, but if none of the money is going into pockets, then the society must really feel that they are god's chosen channel, or something to that effect.

BeautifulGarbage

JT had the funniest answer. He noted that some old crazy bag ladies push shopping carts full of junk in cities.
If you try to take their junk, they'll scream and try to hurt you.
So, it's garbage - but it's THEIR garbage!

I loved that post by JT and it's so true.

Sorry, for the highlight. I can't get it to turn off.

40

How many ways can a man romance a woman??

by dancnfool_60 in

jw
friends

hi everyone.i just wanted to see if i could get some help here for a male friend of mine.

he is having a hard time with the romance deptartment.

i gave him a few ideas of my own but i thought if i threw the question out there maybe i could get him some views on how to romance a woman..... thanks for any sugggestions.

BeautifulGarbage

Hell if they like you, you can piss in the sink and they're OK with it.

Uh...I really like my spouse, LOTS, but if the guy (and he's a MAN, alright) ever pissed in MY sink, well, MOMMA GONNA KICK SOME ASS!

Otherwise, your post was hysterical.

40

How many ways can a man romance a woman??

by dancnfool_60 in

jw
friends

hi everyone.i just wanted to see if i could get some help here for a male friend of mine.

he is having a hard time with the romance deptartment.

i gave him a few ideas of my own but i thought if i threw the question out there maybe i could get him some views on how to romance a woman..... thanks for any sugggestions.