Posts by AlmostAtheist

63

any former elders have an answer for me?

by helricha in

jw
friends

so i was df'd for living with/having sex with my boyfriend for 3 years and then not ending the relationship and moving out within the week between the first meeting of confession and the second meeting where they tell me what their decision was.

i did move out 3 months later with the intent of being reinstated over a period of time.

well i couldn't cut off the relationship with my bf even though i did move out, so i married him after a year and then 2 weeks after that i slept with someone else.

AlmostAtheist

>>I don't want to end the marriage with my husband if I can avoid it.
>> as far as maintaining that relationship - it's pointless, even with a marriage counselor.

I'm confused as to your intentions. Are you saying you'd like to stay married, but you simply are not going to be able to do so because of your husband's reaction to the adultery? Or are you considering not telling him about it, and staying married based on a lie?

If YOU want to be married to him, and you intend to be faithful from this point forward, and you think you can live with that secret, then not telling him is an option. I'm sure not everyone would agree with this -- it's just my opinion. Some people are -- I agree with your term for it -- unreasonable. It's one thing to "live a lie" and sleep with several people behind his back. It's another thing to have done it once, know you won't do it again, and not share that information because you think his reaction will be out of proportion to what was done.

We're not talking best case scenario, we're talking about survival. Moving forward with the least damage.

>> Even though I do appreciate the advice of the counselor, my husband is unreasonable.

Don't write the counselor idea off entirely. It still couldn't hurt to get their expert opinion.

>>My husband told his brother that he's not happy about me going to the hall

Why does your going to the hall make him unhappy?

Dave

63

any former elders have an answer for me?

by helricha in

jw
friends

so i was df'd for living with/having sex with my boyfriend for 3 years and then not ending the relationship and moving out within the week between the first meeting of confession and the second meeting where they tell me what their decision was.

i did move out 3 months later with the intent of being reinstated over a period of time.

well i couldn't cut off the relationship with my bf even though i did move out, so i married him after a year and then 2 weeks after that i slept with someone else.

AlmostAtheist

Wow, your relationship is on such uncertain ground right now. I'm sorry you're going through this. Yes, you made the choices and yada yada, but the fact is that you're here now and you're dealing with it, and it sucks.

Will you just never tell him? Are you willing to live in that sort of "I hope he never finds out" sort of environment?

Consider this: Your relationship is SO rocky and SO fragile right now. Do you really want the elders involved? I don't personally know of any JW couple that actually benefited from "assistance" from the elders. They aren't trained at all.

Rather than telling the elders, perhaps you'd be better to keep it to yourself for now and go see a marriage counselor. You could go alone, lay it all out for the counselor, and see what their recommendation is.

Pulling for you.

Dave

63

any former elders have an answer for me?

by helricha in

jw
friends

so i was df'd for living with/having sex with my boyfriend for 3 years and then not ending the relationship and moving out within the week between the first meeting of confession and the second meeting where they tell me what their decision was.

i did move out 3 months later with the intent of being reinstated over a period of time.

well i couldn't cut off the relationship with my bf even though i did move out, so i married him after a year and then 2 weeks after that i slept with someone else.

AlmostAtheist

Hi Helricha,

I was a JW like you -- in it to serve Jehovah. It didn't matter exactly what the "rules" were, I wanted to know what it took to please Jehovah. Not "satisfy" him, but actually make him happy.

There is a significant number of JW's that don't feel that way. They are in it more for appearances. So you're going to hear from both types of ex-JW's here.

When I was DF'd while still a believer, I found the process absolutely grueling. And utterly unloving, unscriptural, and un-Jehovah-like. Still, I suffered thru it to the point of reinstatement because I believed that while the Watchtower had the disfellowship/reinstate process wrong, they were still Jehovah's organization. I felt that Jehovah still wanted me to follow the rules his organization set out, even if they were wrong. Their job to get the rules right, my job to follow them.

But I couldn't help noticing that they were completely missing the point of the "prodigal son" illustration. I was returning! Where was my robe, my rings, my celebration feast? Worst of all, I didn't think I deserved any of those things, just like the prodigal son didn't think he did. But his FATHER knew better -- and treated him not like a sub-person to be shunned, but like an honored child.

I didn't get it then. It took me a few more years to finally walk away. You might just save yourself some years and consider if this is what you really want to do. You're here -- look around. Ask questions. Gather information. If in the end, you still want to be a JW, go for it. You will STILL BE WELCOME HERE.

But to answer your question -- if you want to be a JW again, you should tell the elders everything. Otherwise, being the kind of person you are, you will never feel "clean". It'll eat at you and eat at you. Just lay it all out and get it over with. HOWEVER, they probably will require you to tell your husband about the adultery. This is likely to be a necessary step in their eyes. So consider carefully whether you actually want to open that door. Once opened, it can't be closed. You can't really ask what the "rule" is, because every body of elders is different. (The "unity" thing isn't quite all that)

This is another thing to consider -- where in the Bible does it say you have to admit adultery to your spouse? Maybe it's a great and honorable thing to do, but where is it specifically required? Nowhere. So how can the elders require it of you? Answer: They just can. See? It's not a "Bible" thing, or a "Jehovah" thing. It's a Watchtower thing.

I hope the best for you. I really and truly do.

Dave

17

A decision...

by changeling in

jw
friends

first of all, let me assure you that i am in my right mind and am not at all depressed.

in fact i feel a deep, quiet, inner happiness.. this decision has been running around my brain for a couple of weeks now.. my decision is one that honors how good and how beautiful life is.. i am deeply appreciative for life even though i do not know it's exact source.. my decision is to live a full, productive, and happy life.. my decision is to never be a burden to my family.. my decision is to terminate my life if at any time i do become a burden.. i hope to live to a "ripe old age", and to leave this life kicking and screaming for more.. but if at any time my life is marred by an accident or disease that is crippling, physically or mentally and that requires the sacrifice of my family to sustain my life, i will terminate my life.. i will make space on the planet for another person.. i will give my family the gift of freedom and of remembering me as a vital and healthy person.. i will not plague my family with having to force me to take a bath, or having to clean my excrement.

i will not burden my loved ones with having to rearrange their lives to sustain my misery.. i will leave a letter in which i will tell how much my family means to me and how i want them to live their lives to the full, just as i did.. i will tell them to move on and remember me fondly and be grateful they did not have to see my physical pain or mental anguish.. i will assure them that i died happy and fulfilled, that i have no regrets.. i hope never to have to face my decision.

AlmostAtheist

Amen, sister.

18

I never thought I'd live to see the day...

by Abandoned in

...when you'd talk about "that annoying jared" commercial and not be referring to one about subway.

AlmostAtheist

The best I could find was this YouTube parody, but it's pretty much exactly how the commercials run. Essentially, some chick shows off her ring, while a series of people whisper or rejoice to one another, "He went to Jared's!" (meaning, Jared's Jewelry Store)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y41XIDq-O1A

Dave

18

I never thought I'd live to see the day...

by Abandoned in

...when you'd talk about "that annoying jared" commercial and not be referring to one about subway.

AlmostAtheist

Oh yeah, I'm with ya. They're trying to come off sort of over-the-top-and-we-know-it-so-it's-ok, but they miss it by 20% or so and you're left thinking, "This is supposed to PROMOTE my visiting your store?!?"

Dave

45

purpledoodles strikes again

by purplesofa in

jw
friends

some recent stuff.........kinda like the wt, same old stuff!.

.

the twelve apostles!.

AlmostAtheist

>>kinda like the WT, same old stuff!

Except your stuff is GOOD and makes us HAPPY!

Truly "happifying"! :-)

Dave

37

Somebody hurt my baby! :S

by Elsewhere in

jw
friends

once again someone hurt nancy, my little mini cooper.

this time they popped the front driver side window, broke it all out, stole my tomtom gps, ripped apart the center console and tore up the 12 volt plug while ripping the gps power cable out.

the police came out and did the whole fingerprint thing and got a few bits and pieces of some prints, but we won't know if anything will come of it.

AlmostAtheist

Have you been letting your contributions to the World Wide Work slip again, Else? Sounds like you may have gotten on Yahweh's bad side once more!

Dave

46

Is There Anybody That You KNOW That You Can Implicitly Trust?

by minimus in

jw
friends

is there a person or persons that you can trust 100%?

?

AlmostAtheist

By trust, do you mean "trust them to act in your best interests? Trust that they wouldn't try to manipulate you into doing something that only benefited them?" If so, then yes, I know several people like that.

There are many people I trust 90%, and several I trust 95%.

Right now I only have 1 or perhaps 2 I'd place at 100%. (I'm not one of them)

edited to add: Piss-poor timing of this post was purely unintentional! And it appears I don't have the power to delete it. So...

Dave

10

Have a new job that I hate... advise please

by shell69 in

jw
friends

guys,.

i changed my job four weeks ago.. i work for the same company but have just taken up a position at another site which, i hoped would allow promotion and prgression within the business.. but i am hating it!

i feel like i walked into chaos!, thats the only way i can describe it!

AlmostAtheist

Four weeks isn't very long, especially if you're in a management position. I don't think I'd suggest bailing out this early. If in 4-6 months you can't seem to make any improvements, then I might consider it.

Despite their attitudes and such, is whatever they are meant to be doing getting done? If not, are you in a position to propose a plan of action to revitalize the place?

Dave