Posts by Check_Your

34

How many have wives who think it's the truth?

by drew sagan in

jw
friends

the idea for this thread was sparked by seeing that a lot of guys thought that the latest km article would be a great talking point.

there are a number of jwd poster who have lived through the hell of having a wife who thinks it is the truth.

i am happy to say that i have been through it and survived.

Check_Your_Premises

Drew,

Count me in. That is why I showed up here.

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/86473/1.ashx

So you are wanting to use this thread to get all your insights and ideas on having a jw wife out?

Long thread! Also I think every situation is different enough to be it's own book. My book would be How to Survive Being Married to Mrs. CYP. It helps if your jw wife is very dedicated to staying married to you. Having children makes sure that cooler heads prevail in such matters.

I guess it depends on what your goal is.

If your goal is to "get them out" I would say it might work, and has for some folks.

If your goal is to "not get divorced" then I would say that the key is figuring out how to have a respectful attitude. Realizing that, for me, was the key event. I also think it is helping in goal number one, but I don't really think about it that way anymore. I don't think people leave until they are ready.

I started with a Steven Hassan approach, but that left me with an attitude of a scientist studying some guinea pig. This was my wife!!! Not to say that Hassan's stuff doesn't have a great deal of merit.

What finally worked for me was to accept her cult involvement and see it as an affliction, like alcoholism. Once I did that I was able to inoke that model. I protect myself and the children first. I DO NOT protect her from the consequences of the life she has chosen. I will not pretend and play along that WT screwiness is anything credible. I absolutely love her. If she is ever ready to leave, she knows she would never get any crap from me, only my support.

Detente.

Reagan correctly hated that word, but this is not a victory we can win or a fight we should fight. It is to be left to God and to our spouses. If they never leave, oh well, there really are worse things.

Matt

1

It seems coverage of settlement isn't as widespread as initial abuse story

by Check_Your_Premises in

i remember when the dateline special hit.

i was a naiive ubm in waiting and the folks we were studying with made a special appointment with us to do damage control.

undoubtedly they were instructed to do so.

Check_Your_Premises

I remember when the Dateline special hit. I was a naiive ubm in waiting and the folks we were studying with made a special appointment with us to do damage control. Undoubtedly they were instructed to do so.

Then at the next convention following the special, the speaker made this remarkeable comment, "Unlike the Catholic Church, we made it clear from the beginning that abuse of children is WRONG!!!" (THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE)

My point is, that at this point, the coverage does not seem to rise to the level where the org feels they need to address it PUBLICLY within the org.

I really hope that changes. They are hoping that they get by unnoticed on this one.

BTW, do we at least have an unsubstantiated rumor as to the AMOUNT of the settlement?

CYP

229

ALERT: All Child Abuse Lawsuits have been settled. Millions cashed out???

by What-A-Coincidence in

re: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/8/116108/1.ashx.

a bethel insider in the know told me that all of the child abuse lawsuits where the watchtower bible and tract society was one of the defendants were settled back in the beginning of this year.

i questioned it and called napa myself and they were absolutely settled back then.

Check_Your_Premises

I have one question.... (and not enough time to read through ALL these comments)

Is there any EVIDENCE that there has been a settlement outside of rumor and speculation?

Because if there is... that is enough. Oh how I remember the way the jw's I know would pour their disgust on the Catholic CHurch and their incredulity on those who PUT MONEY IN THE PLATE TO PAY FOR THESE JUDGEMENTS.

A settelement is tantamount to an admission of liability. That is why when people are absolutely innocent, they don't strike a deal.

SO back to my original question. Do we KNOW that there was a settlement? If not, why not? I remember when Michael Jackson settled in the original child molestor case, it was widely reported. I mean, when there is a settlement, there are court documents produced... no? aka EVIDENCE.

Do we have any?

CYP

13

JW's to those who died in 'Jonestown'

by KW13 in

jw
friends

it frightens me to think there is even the slightest link.

i have doubts the society would do such a huge thing as passing the poisoned fruit juice but in many other ways they have followers ready to kill themselves for the 'cause'.. no blood etc.

then you get the explempary dubs who were killed by nazi's for their faith.

Check_Your_Premises

Actually, as a Christian I have thought of that very dynamic.

Christ said that he who denies me, so will I deny to my Father.

On the other hand, what if they day comes for me, where Christians are being fed to the lions. What if someone told me, "Deny Christ or we will rape, torture, and kill your children while you watch".

Do I refuse in order to guarantee my place with the Lord?

And if so, how does this reconcile with the command to "do unto others". I am quite certain that were I the small child on the receiving end of such an offer, I would want the denial to be done unto me.

Scylla or the Charybdis.

Bad or worse.

Such is the human condition.

CYP

11

Question on the new light regarding annointed and 1935

by Check_Your_Premises in

i see there is some new light out there regarding the date when the ranks of the annointed stopped being filled.

as everyone knows, this was probably the most untenable aspect of the annointed/two classes of christian doctrine because, tick-tock, the world hasn't ended yet and we are quickly running out of people who could credibly have been annointed and lived before 1935.. my question:.

wasn't this date given it's credibility (since there was no scriptural basis for selecting this date) by rutheford claiming that an angel told him?.

Check_Your_Premises

I see there is some new light out there regarding the date when the ranks of the annointed stopped being filled.

As everyone knows, this was probably the MOST untenable aspect of the annointed/two classes of Christian doctrine because, tick-tock, the world hasn't ended yet and we are quickly running out of people who could credibly have been annointed AND lived before 1935.

My Question:

Wasn't this date given it's credibility (since there was no scriptural basis for selecting this date) by Rutheford claiming that an angel told him?

Sorry if this has been beaten to death already. I haven't been around for awhile.

CYP

4

anyone know where we can download the "quotes" web site these days?

by Check_Your_Premises in

jw
friends

?

Check_Your_Premises

?

18

I am thinking of being up front to my family about my thoughts on the WT

by Check_Your_Premises in

i'll try not to make this long.. my wife recently told me that she thinks i act like "she has some sort of flaw that makes her need to be a jw" and i am "trying to figure out what it is".

i don't know how better to sum up my attitude over the last couple of years.

when she said it i just shook my head and laughed.

Check_Your_Premises

It has been so long since I talked to you jgnat. your last post just reminded me why I love and have missed you so much. I wasn't familiar with the alanon approach but it was one I was settling on once I modified my model of her cult personality to be an addiction rather than simply an abusive relationship. too much info alert!!! I am typing this on the crapper using my cool new phone

18

I am thinking of being up front to my family about my thoughts on the WT

by Check_Your_Premises in

i'll try not to make this long.. my wife recently told me that she thinks i act like "she has some sort of flaw that makes her need to be a jw" and i am "trying to figure out what it is".

i don't know how better to sum up my attitude over the last couple of years.

when she said it i just shook my head and laughed.

Check_Your_Premises

That is soo hard to do. Not so much respecting the life they choose, but giving up the fight to get them out. But if you are still fighting (however subtly) to get her out, that undermines the respect for her decision.

That is the challenge isn't it.

What do you do when someone you care about is being self-destructive? All sorts of people deal with this issue, not just ubm's.

CYP

18

I am thinking of being up front to my family about my thoughts on the WT

by Check_Your_Premises in

i'll try not to make this long.. my wife recently told me that she thinks i act like "she has some sort of flaw that makes her need to be a jw" and i am "trying to figure out what it is".

i don't know how better to sum up my attitude over the last couple of years.

when she said it i just shook my head and laughed.

Check_Your_Premises

Wow it is so nice to hear from so many old friends.

It has been awhile since I have wandered in here.

I have a basic approach I am thinking through. The big thing is to make a clean break with the wt. Up until now I have always kind of left it as a "I am looking at things and keeping an open mind"

I just don't think that is credible anymore.

ALso the kids just don't have the benefit of knowing all that is out there that can refute the wt. I wouldn't try to show them anything. I just want them to know that such things exist, and is available to them if they wish. The wt can put up their little wall to try to restrict information but that won't exist in my house.

I will fill you in when I get it worked out if anyone is interested.

Good to hear from you all and thanks for your thoughts.

CYP

18

I am thinking of being up front to my family about my thoughts on the WT

by Check_Your_Premises in

i'll try not to make this long.. my wife recently told me that she thinks i act like "she has some sort of flaw that makes her need to be a jw" and i am "trying to figure out what it is".

i don't know how better to sum up my attitude over the last couple of years.

when she said it i just shook my head and laughed.

Check_Your_Premises

I'll try not to make this long.

My wife recently told me that she thinks I act like "she has some sort of flaw that makes her need to be a jw" and I am "trying to figure out what it is".

I don't know how better to sum up my attitude over the last couple of years. When she said it I just shook my head and laughed. Busted.

I went on to describe it this way to MJ:

"I tell you that thing my wife told me about trying to psychoanalyze her really got me. It is like EVERYTHING I did just made it worse. I had a bit of an epiphany I think. One thing Hassan really emphasized is respecting the cult member.

I think my approach was fundamentally disrespectful. While caring for her deeply and acting out of concern for her, I was still approaching it from a point of absolutely NO respect for her decision.

I think as ubm's we have to give up our desire to control this outcome, and be willing to say that if they choose this life we respect it. As confounding as their choice is, we don't approach them as a person doing something completely self-destructive, but as someone making an informed choice... because that is how they see themselves."

So to that end I am considering actually coming clean with my feelings about the WT. I also think I need to get some of my concerns and issues out there for the children to see.

The trick is not to force it on anyone.

I always ask first, "do you want to know how I feel about that?"

And perhaps even more important, when I describe an issue I have, such as the control of information, I always preface it with "I dont expect you to see it this way, this is just my perspective, can you see why I would see it that way?"

Is anybody still reading this?

What do you guys think?

CYP

Check_Your_Premises

Posts by Check_Your_Premises