BugEye

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Posts by BugEye

• 
  139

  Just a few more

  by BugEye in

  1. social
  2. humour

  joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

  the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

  i have the same problem with his father.

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  BugEye

  Way down in the deep south, in an area known as the 'Bible Belt,' there lived a Baptist minister with a very large congregation. One morning, after a particularly moving sermon, he announced, "Friends I have been hearing very nasty rumors!"

  The crowd fell into an expectant silence. The Minister continued, "One of you, here among us, has been reporting that I am a member of the dreaded 'Klu Klux Klan.' This, of course, is not true! I am asking that the guilty party confess and apologize now - right here - before my flock of loyal followers."

  A young woman quickly stood up blushing and trembling and pled, "Preacher, please, I don't know how this all came to be. I just mentioned to one of my close friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

  Dave
• 
  139

  Just a few more

  by BugEye in

  1. social
  2. humour

  joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

  the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

  i have the same problem with his father.

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  BugEye

  Joey's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls."

  The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father."
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  4

  Dr. Laura's Devoted Fan - posted by Patio

  by waiting in

  1. social
  2. humour

  hey y'all,.

  this joke comes to me by way of my fine sister, patio (a prime poster here i might add) who is older than me by three years, smarter, more articulate, but lacking in sufficient sarcasm.

  she is really my sister and i have the childhood battle scars to prove it.

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  BugEye

  Dear Dr Laura

  In the book of proverbs, it states that I must find my wifes breasts intoxicating,
  however I find that there is insufficient alchohol in my house for this to occur.
  Does this give me grounds to exchange her? And should I ask for a personal
  closeup preview of the breasts of her replacement before I commit?

  Dave
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  2

  Four Catholic Ladies

  by Scorpion in

  1. social
  2. humour

  four catholic ladies are having coffee together.. the first one tells her friends, "my son is a priest.

  when he walks into a room, everyone says 'father'.".

  the second one chirps up, my son is a bishop.

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  BugEye

  ROFLMAO
• 
  19

  Next Aussie BBQ in Sydney

  by OlderTom in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  free booze!!.

  now that i have your attention, well all you aussies anyway.. if you would like to come to the next sydney bbq, email me so that i can do some planning just in case ozziepost is too busy to organise the next bbq.. we were thinking of either late this month or early next month.. you will need to e-mail one of the group to find the details.. as always it's byo everything.. how about it younger tom?

  bring the missus and the youngens.. hope to see you there, older tom

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  BugEye

  Just let me know when there is going to be one in Bris, I've got 5 adults and 4 kids who'll
  join in.

  Dave
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  21

  UNWELCOME ONE? - OFFICIAL CHECKLIST

  by goo in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  ok all you unwelcome one wannabee's here it is - .

  unwelcome one at jw.com official checklist.

  1)has janh & comf overruled charter 19 of the universal declaration of human rights & run crying to simon posting a request for your deletion from jw.com because you expressed ideas contrary to their "idea" (singular)?.

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  BugEye

  Hmmmm.

  Current analysis of distant supernova through the Keck telescope has revealed that
  the universe appears to be accelerating appart rather than coasting or slowing down.
  To account for this, physicists have had to add into their calculations a new unknown
  force that they refer to as the dark force.

  To account for the holding of galaxies together, they have had to include an unknown
  dark matter.

  In galaxies, dark matter is said to account for 30 percent of the mass in an average
  galaxy, and in the universal acceleration the dark energy is said to be about 60
  percent of the total forces in the universe.

  To put this another way, for all the high talk and scientific posing that happens, it
  appears that we know bugger all about what is really going on.

  Since we know bugger all about what is really going on, it never ceases to amaze
  me just how arrogant and dogmatic people can be.

  Humility isn't just a moral ground, its a statement of fact.

  Dave
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  122

  Suzi Mayhem Outdoes John Cleese

  by AlanF in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  a critique of suzi mayhem's theory of god .

  i thought, when suzi first posted this, that it was a joke something like john cleese's classic "brontosaurus theory" skit in a monty python episode.

  but mr. "dark clouds" has sort of asked me to critique it as if it were a serious theory, so here goes.. i'll address this to suzi, but suzi dear, don't take this too seriously.

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  BugEye

  Hey AlanF

  Just wondering, what are the current penalties for disobeying a
  law of physics. Last time I checked, it was a $1000 fine and a
  good behaviour bond.

  Dave
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  23

  What to do...

  by onthefence in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  well im going to be unpopular here.

  i am still in jw orginization, in fact i just went to a meeting tonight and even had the privlege of caring microphones.

  i'm being set up as an example in the congregation...and guess what else...i dont believe anything!!

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  BugEye

  Hi Onthefence

  It must place you in a very uncomfortable position. However where you proceed from
  here is really a choice you should make based upon information and understanding. I
  agree with Tina, that you should build yourself a new knowledge and decide for
  yourself which way you would like to go.

  I think all on this site would agree that a rash decision is not the right course. You must
  follow your own mind, heart and conscience.

  I suggest not only checking out the anti-JW sites and perhaps reading Crisis of
  Conscience, but also other information which has points of view that you would not
  normally consider.

  For example, evolution sites, born again organisations, Zen buddism etc. Although you
  may agree with none of them, it will give your mind other angles of attack.

  If you decide to leave, then if your family shunning you is too much for you then I agree
  with Larc that an easy option is to slip out gradually.

  Just my two bob

  Dave
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  305

  Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread

  by Seven in

  1. social
  2. humour

  happy monday!.

  had no price tag.

  much to her embarrassment the cashier got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear: "price check on lane thirteen, tampax, supersize.

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  BugEye

  A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting.

  "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he says. The two Americans just stare at him.

  "Excusez-moi, parlez vous francais?" The two continue to stare.

  "Parlare italiano?" No response.

  "Hablan ustedes espanol?" Still nothing.

  The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.

  The first American turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language...."

  "Why?" says the other, "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."
• 
  305

  Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread

  by Seven in

  1. social
  2. humour

  happy monday!.

  had no price tag.

  much to her embarrassment the cashier got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear: "price check on lane thirteen, tampax, supersize.

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  BugEye

  The student, not necessarily a well-prepared student, sat in his life science classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: "Give four advantages of breast milk." What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever
  came into his head, hoping for the best:

  1. No need to boil.
  2. Cats can't steal it.
  3. Available whenever necessary.

  Umm ... So far so good maybe. But the exam demanded a four-part answer.

  Again, what to write? Once more he sighed. He frowned. He scowled. Then sighed again.

  But suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly he scribbled his definitive answer:

  4. Available in attractive containers.