adelmaal

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Posts by adelmaal

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  14

  Explaining Christmas to My 10 Year Old Daughter...

  by adelmaal in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  i was talking with my daughter yesterday about the memorial.

  it falls on my day with her and i previously noticed that christmas falls on her dad's day with her this year.

  i have never had any problem with my daughter attending the memorial with her dad on my day but he has had her the past 2 years for christmas and he has issues with me having her for christmas on his day.

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  adelmaal

  Elsewhere:

  Thanks! Love the info. regarding "Amen". Nice and simple. Easy for my daughter to understand.
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  14

  Explaining Christmas to My 10 Year Old Daughter...

  by adelmaal in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  i was talking with my daughter yesterday about the memorial.

  it falls on my day with her and i previously noticed that christmas falls on her dad's day with her this year.

  i have never had any problem with my daughter attending the memorial with her dad on my day but he has had her the past 2 years for christmas and he has issues with me having her for christmas on his day.

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  adelmaal

  In my opinion children should never be in the middle of parents, sacrificing yourself for your kids may be the right option. I make it a point now to let my kids know they will make the choice on what to believe, and how to believe it. Not me, and not the rest of their family. Their belief structure will be their own to make and cherish. Keeping the arguing between parents to a dull roar helps in allowing the kids to see respect for other belief systems from at least one parent, they will in time really see the difference on their own and make their own choice.

  Sounds allot like the way I have been trying to do things. I just seems I am the one doing all the sacrificing while she misses out because he is unwilling to sacrifice. We have had separate celebrations just us when she is at her dad's on the actual date of the celebration. But my entire extended family (aunts, uncles, grandmas, grampas, etc.) gets together for Christmas. I was raised a non-JW. She misses out on all that and she feels sad when she hears about it and could not go. I feel bad for her because her brother and soon to be new sister will be a part of that and I don't want to tell her she can't. It's drama...
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  14

  Explaining Christmas to My 10 Year Old Daughter...

  by adelmaal in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  i was talking with my daughter yesterday about the memorial.

  it falls on my day with her and i previously noticed that christmas falls on her dad's day with her this year.

  i have never had any problem with my daughter attending the memorial with her dad on my day but he has had her the past 2 years for christmas and he has issues with me having her for christmas on his day.

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  adelmaal

  Valis:

  You are correct. But what I want, which involves child custody and visitation, does require going to court in California.

  Concerns about child custody and visitation orders issued by the Family Court must be directed to the Family Court Services Office in the county where the orders were issued. Family Court Investigators, Child Custody Evaluators, and Family Court Mediators are available to provide dispute resolution in each of the 58 counties. The telephone number for Family Court Services is in the County Government section of the local telephone directory under "Courts" or you may also find custody-related information and county contact telephone numbers at www.courtinfo.ca.gov

  Yes, I can get a mediation appointment. Yes the mediator will probably try to strike a compromise, which he will not agree to (the word compromise is not in a JWs vocabulary) and yes I will have to go to court after that because mediation will do no good with him. He will have an attorney and I will not. His attorney will know the law and I will not.

  I have been there done that with her dad. He had a lawyer and I did not. I took him to court because he was living with his parents, making plenty of money and paying hardly any child support ($280.00/mo. when daycare for my daughter alone cost me over $500.00/mo. and I had her full-time). Typical JW-mo. In the meantime, I was paying over $1000.00/mo. in daycare alone for both my children and supporting two children full-time on my own in a 1 bedroom apartment. He hired an attorney and countered me with a joint custody suit for our daughter. We agreed to joint custody in mediation (I felt it was best for my daughter to have equal access to both parents) and we also agreed he would pay above guideline support so I would be able to afford to live locally and still support my children and provide adequate childcare for them. Bottem line is he lied. I got royally screwed when his lawyer stood up in court (outside of mediation) and said that any agreements reached between her father and myself were considered ex parte (mind you I was held to the decision regarding joint custody) and he just sat there quietly and let her screw me over when it came to calculating child support based on the joint custody agreement rather than based on our verbal agreement. He ended up with more time with our daughter because I followed through on my end of the bargain and I ended up with less child support! The bottem line is it was a bunch of stress and it ended badly for my daughter and myself. Communications were strained for a long time.

  All I want at the moment is to force his hand in agreeing to allow me to have her for Christmas. I'm not interested in another all out court battle until I can afford a high priced attorney.

  I appreciate your support though because I too would advise the same thing. Just not a battle I'm willing to take on single-handedly at the moment.
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  14

  Explaining Christmas to My 10 Year Old Daughter...

  by adelmaal in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  i was talking with my daughter yesterday about the memorial.

  it falls on my day with her and i previously noticed that christmas falls on her dad's day with her this year.

  i have never had any problem with my daughter attending the memorial with her dad on my day but he has had her the past 2 years for christmas and he has issues with me having her for christmas on his day.

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  adelmaal

  I agree that to take her dad to court would be the best option for many reasons. It is just not a realistic option at this point for my family though. We have debts to be paid and we do not have the monies to invest in an attorney.

  So for now I resort to tit-for-tat and hope my daughter sees that we are being reasonable while her dad is not.

  Anymore advice on specifics I can present to my daughter would be greatly appreciated... I'm currently doing online research.
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  16

  Question for Tepic or anyone else who has an answer.

  by loosie in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  tepic,.

  since you were an elder, didn't that one guy say for like a hundred years, i want to ask you a question.

  before i ask thought let me state this.

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  adelmaal

  loosie:

  i am not and never was an elder. just a humble little sister at one point in time.

  i do have a dear friend (who i only speak with every once in a while since i left the borg) though who went through a similar situation. she was a regular pioneer, her husband was a regular pioneer and an elder and they were 18 years apart in age. they got married and receive much flack from the elders because they were not "free from accusation" or something like that. they have been married for over 10 years as well and it was so ridiculous. he was removed as an elder at the time because of the whole situation.

  i think sometimes elders just get a wild hair up their butt and think it's ok to take their personal opinions and force them on the flock. if you are a sister you are not in any position to respond because you are supposed to be "in submission" to men. it's a lose lose situation for a sister if she disagrees with "counsel" even if it stems from personal opinion as opposed to solid Bible principles.

  JMHO...

  i've seen it happen more than once in various situations.
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  14

  Explaining Christmas to My 10 Year Old Daughter...

  by adelmaal in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  i was talking with my daughter yesterday about the memorial.

  it falls on my day with her and i previously noticed that christmas falls on her dad's day with her this year.

  i have never had any problem with my daughter attending the memorial with her dad on my day but he has had her the past 2 years for christmas and he has issues with me having her for christmas on his day.

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  adelmaal

  I have told her she is more than welcome to go to the Memorial and I have never given her dad issues with her going. She knows this.

  But he is unwilling to allow her to celebrate the holidays with us. The Memorial is important to him and Christmas is important to us. The only way I can see him letting her be with us on Christmas, which is his day with her, is if I present it as a trade off. I'm not sure how to present it any other way and be able to get her on Christmas (without a major court battle, which I cannot afford).

  I am sick and tired of it being his way only. The door should swing both ways. I don't know how else to present it.
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  14

  Explaining Christmas to My 10 Year Old Daughter...

  by adelmaal in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  i was talking with my daughter yesterday about the memorial.

  it falls on my day with her and i previously noticed that christmas falls on her dad's day with her this year.

  i have never had any problem with my daughter attending the memorial with her dad on my day but he has had her the past 2 years for christmas and he has issues with me having her for christmas on his day.

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  adelmaal

  I was talking with my daughter yesterday about the Memorial. She would like to go. It falls on my day with her and I previously noticed that Christmas falls on her dad's day with her this year. I have never had any problem with my daughter attending the Memorial with her dad on my day but he has had her the past 2 years for Christmas and he has issues with me having her for Christmas on his day. I really want her to be with my family this year for Christmas. Her dad is a stinker when it comes to my celebrating holidays with her though.
  

  I asked my daughter if she wanted to celebrate Christmas with us this year and she said she does. She also said, "Can you please not tell my dad though because he'll get all scriptural on me."

  I told her that I would need to convince your dad to trade the Memorial for Christmas so we can have you so I couldn't guarantee he wouldn't talk to her about it. I then told her that we could go over some information about Christmas and look at what the Bible has to say and then she can make an informed decision and she will at least be able to tell her dad why she feels it's ok to celebrate Christmas and why it does not bother her conscience. She then said, "Then I can tell him he's wrong!"

  I said, "I don't know it you should put it that way but you can tell him you do not agree with his opinion and you would like to celebrate Christmas."

  Anywho...

  I want to talk to her about the following:

  - Christmas having pagain origins

  - Why we celebrate Christmas (not for pagan reasons)

  - Other things that are of pagan origin (i.e. makeup, wedding rings, cremation (SP?), wedding practices

  - The June 15 pinata article (she says she remembers it)

  - How the WT/Awake! are just journals written by men. They are not inspired by God. They are merely the opinions of men. Only the Bible is inspired by God. And I want to share some scriptures showing how anything beyond the Bible is man's word and not God's.

  Any scripures, points, WT/Awake! articles, etc. you feel would be helpful in speaking with my daughter on this subject prior to talking with her dad?
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  37

  Branch Split in the Watchtower Kingdom

  by slimboyfat in

  1. watchtower
  2. scandals

  before you read anything, you should be aware that i do not know what i am talking about.

  it seems clear now that the watchtower religion has already started to decline, in the western world at least.

  how will this decline play out in the future - this is one of the most interesting questions relating to the watchtower at the moment: will the witnesses enjoy a slow leisurely decline over many decades, or can we expect a major split and disintegration in the near future?

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  adelmaal

  Isn't de-centralization a common practice in growing companies? I'm not an expert nor a supporter of the WTBTS but I'm thinking we may be reading to much into their de-centralization. To me it shows they are growing and must de-centralize to manage that growth more effectively? Just speculation on my part -- had to throw it out there...
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  92

  Trying to get to know people on the JWD

  by cindykp in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i havent been here that long, and just trying to get to know a little more about the people im chatting with.

  i know some dont want to share too much info, which i understand.

  so.............im divorced, have 3 kids, lived in florida for 15 years, now back home in wi.

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  adelmaal

  First name? Aryn

  Married? Yup

  Single? Nope

  Gay? Nope

  Kids? 6 year old boy; 10 year old girl; baby girl on the way

  Pets? 1 cute little black and silver mini-schnauzer and 2 white faced cockatiels

  Anything you care to add is great!!!!!!!!( I think) Republican, PC Tech/Software Developer, ex-JW whose been out for 6 to 7 years, married to a wonderful non-JW (thank God!), divorced from a JW whose family (mainly the ex-father-in-law who happens to the the PO of their congregation) is extremely difficult to deal with when it comes to our daughter and I love being a mom!
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  93

  What's Your Opinion of Michael Jackson?

  by minimus in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  is he a molester?

  a nut?

  a gifted musician??

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  adelmaal

  Michael Jackson started out as a poor black boy,and worked very hard to become a rich white woman

  C'mon now... He's certainly not a woman. Don't try to lump him in with our species

  I don't think he knows what he is...