Hi Chris
Although not being in the same situation as yourself I thought I could contribute. My mum too is a dyed in the wool dub. When I knew that I could no longer pretend that everything was alright and go along with what she demanded it scared me more than the elders scare me! It took me about 3 years and then finally I worked up the courage to tell her. Her reaction floored me. She was more reasonable than I could have expected. Of course she was extremely upset over it and still is. Her reaction surprised me though.
Ultimately I wish you peace and solace on your path.