purple,
My thoughts are with you. I've never been in but those close to me are about to be baptised and I feel ill and obsessed with doing something to help them. The harder I try, the deeper I seem to push them in.
Please persevere with ISofCF. Its one of those books that has some difficult chapters, then when you press on some simple truths just hit you. There is so much in it that I have read some chapters three or four times and still see amazing new points. Take care, stay strong.