troubled mind I experienced similar feelings when my JW mom died 2+ years ago. I went through her things and cried like a little girl. Lots of photographs, assembly notes, and songs that she had written, one about me. It was devastating; I was heartbroken for months and thought I would never feel better. Eventually I put her things neatly away for another time. Now, almost 3 years later, I can think about her without breaking down. The tears still come unexpectedly, but time definitely heals. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Posts by evita
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28Past few days have been very emotional for me ,when will it get better ?
by troubled mind insince my mom passed in january my dad has wanted me to go through her things and clear out her bedroom.
i procrastinated long enough so the past two days i have been sorting through it all .
i feel like i have been punched in the gut .
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68
Were YOU Raised In "The Truth" or Did You Convert???
by minimus ini was raised a witness.
(so i have some excuse).
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evita
My mother began studying when I was 13. I rebelled against it for a while but finally was thoroughly indoctrinated and baptized at 15. Left at 22.
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344
Tell Us Something We Probably Don't Know About You
by minimus ini'll start.. i love the jerky boys and "prank" candid camera/punked types of humor.. i also love r&b, soul, funk and disco.. now what can you tell us about yourself that we might've never guessed?.
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evita
I was in a Bank of America TV commercial when I was 5. I received residuals for a few years.
I was a hippie child and often made and ate pot brownies.
When I was 12 I was obsessed with....Diana Ross and the Supremes! Even though I was a little white girl I was a major fan and collected loads of memorabilia. I was forced to stop this "idol worship" when my mom became a JW. -
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My granddaughter 5 mos old passed away today...
by Tatiana inshe was beautiful.
her name was aliyah.
she would have been 5 mos tomorrow.
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evita
Tatiana and family
I'm so very sorry for your loss.
Eva -
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evita
After I graduated from high school, I asked my JW mother if I could attend college. She replied, "not as long as you live here." It took me six more years to be self-supporting enough to begin college. I started at age 24 and graduated six years later with a B.A. in English Literature. It took me a long time because I worked and paid for the whole thing myself. I'm so glad I did as it helped me to shed many years of WT mind control.
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49
How Would You or Did You Leave The Organization??
by minimus inby choice, with a little help from the elders, faded slowly, disassociated????
how'd you get out?
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evita
I was in my early 20's and did a painful fade. I had not believed in the religion for many years but I had no place else to go. I did not know how to survive in "the world." Still, I got to the point where I had to leave or go insane thinking I would waste my precious life and never escape. I didn't have a plan or even know I was "fading". This board did not exist and I knew no one who had left.
I started by missing meetings for "work" reasons. Then I made friends at work and began to lead a double life. Ooh, that was scary. I nearly fainted a few times thinking that I would get caught and disfellowshipped.
I moved to another town a short distance away. Rumors started to circulate and an elder/friend called to ask if he and brother so-and-so could pay a visit just to "talk about a few things". I said," If you're visiting in your jeans as a friend, okay. But not in your suits". I never heard from them again.
Friends called to cry and tell me I was hurting them and Jehovah, and "breaking your mother's heart". It was a heart-wrenching time for me. I had to put on the facade of not caring when really I was breaking inside.
I struggled for many years to become "normal". I was riddled with guilt over hurting my mother. I was isolated from my family. I was still quite indoctrinated in many ways although I did not believe in "the truth" anymore.
The things that helped the most were: Moving to another, larger town. Attending college and getting a degree. Seeing a therapist during this time.
What I regret: Not having this board to help me understand what was going on. I was very hurt, angry, and reactionary. I did not know how to deal with my mom and all the guilt trips. I struggled to make a new life for myself. In the process I irreparably damaged my relationship with my mother. I know it is the religion that was the real cause of this but I blamed her. I wish I had been more mature. Would it have made a difference?
That was over 25 years ago and thinking of it still makes me cringe.
Eva -
9
"Little Boxes" - Theme to "Weeds" on Showtime
by Elsewhere inwhat can i say... i like the song.
over the years i have come close to buying a house in the suburbs a few times, yet there has always been this odd little bug in the back of my mind that kept telling me not to buy a house like that.
i never could quite put my finger on it until i saw this video today.
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evita
I think it was written by Malvina Reynolds. Used to listen to it all the time as a kid. My parents were really into the folk scene.
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34
A check in... Anyone here from NORTHERN CALIFORNIA...?
by Kudra in.
i periodically wonder if anyone here might have grown up in my neck o the woods... .
also perhaps some newbies who i didn't know of before might hail from the land of the redwood n such... .
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evita
I'm in Sonoma County.
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My Mum Would Have Been 66 Today...
by brinjen init's june 3rd, my mum's 66th birthday had she still been alive.... she passed away in 94 from cancer of the blood, she was diagnosed 3 weeks before.
she'd been experiencing severe pain in her legs and hips for months before hand.
but between taking care of her mother and the dub duties she couldn't get to see a doctor.
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evita
Brinjen
I'm sorry your mom died so suddenly and so young. The death of a parent is very difficult. My mom died in 2004 at the age of 69 and I still think about her everyday.
Beautiful picture.
Hugs, Eva -
21
I ponder on time with friends..
by Sparkplug inthe older i get the more i have to evaluate myself.
i have noted a loyalty to a fault with friends.
i truly have thought on that.
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evita
I was so amazed to see this thread today. I am also dealing with letting go of a friendship.
Even though we're not super close on a day-to-day basis, I did consider us caring friends. We met when our kids were in pre-school together about 12 years ago. We also have friends in common and belong to the same book group. We have supported each other through some tough times and I thought we would continue our friendship.
But she continues to hurt my feelings by having parties and not inviting me and my family. The first time I just chalked it up to whatever. I don't expect exclusive friendship and I'm not a demanding or needy friend. And yet, she invites the friends we have in common but never me. I'm sure the next time she has a crisis in her life she'll call me. Am I just the "crisis" friend?
No one knows what to make of it, our mutual friends are confused and feel bad for me. I guess I could ask her but I think I am just done investing the time and energy. I feel like it's a sign that there is no more energy in the relationship and it's time to move on. I feel a little sad because we do have some history together but I'm relieved to let it go.
I agree with co co about the book Necessary Losses. I read it for a Psych class right after I left the witnesses. It had a profound impact on me and helped me move on in my life.
Hugs to all of you who are moving through these transitions. It takes a lot of courage to let go in love.
Eva