I'm loving these polls, but I don't quite qualify to answer them as I'm the former witness, freshly married to my favourite thing, my ubm. So I'll answer from that point of view.
1. When one of you changed your beliefs, did it change the level of intimacy in your marriage, and if so, was it for the better or the worse ?
n/a - my beliefs were already changing when we hooked up, and it was fabulous to be with somebody who was open to hearing it.
2. Can you share your innermost religious feelings with your partner?
Early on I was very cautious about what to talk about. Didn't want to give a 'bad witness'. These days
I think I bore him with it! I try not to use him as my sounding board too often, but his insights and new perspectives are very refreshing. My faith has morphed, and it's so liberating.
3. Does being able to share your religious feelings impact your ability to be intimate overall?
While I was changing I was very frightened, and it got in the way of a lot of joy. These days, not a chance!
4. I have used the analogy of the "other woman" when describing the influence of the Watchtower Bible and Tract society on our marriage. Hubby also consults "her" whenever he is making a decision. Would this analogy fit your situation, and if so, how does it affect intimacy?
In my first non-witness relationship all of my reasoning would default to my JW training. I am still overcoming that but it took a lot of patience on hubbie's part - having to learn how much I could give up at any one time. I can see that if I ever decided to play the spiritual widow game, it would destroy our intimacy; there would appear the new, 'third thread' in the marriage rope. In the wedding talk, they say that it is Jehovah, but that means anybody who thinks they represent him.
5. Does your partner bring Watchtower materials to bed?
No, and now that you mention it, I'm going to make sure that I never let it happen.
sass_my_frass
JoinedPosts by sass_my_frass
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30
INTIMACY Poll...UBM's I'm asking you
by jgnat inintimacy in a mixed marriage
ok, time for my second poll.
the first one on secrecy struck a chord with many of you.
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sass_my_frass
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63
SECRECY, Pros and Cons...UBM's, I'm asking you
by jgnat in"unbelieving mates" (ubm's), this is for you.
i'm compiling a tips sheet for brand-new ubm's to help them deal with the stresses and strains of being in a religiously mixed marriage.
help me out by giving me your experience, both good and bad, about secrecy.
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sass_my_frass
Thanks jgnat for this thread, I look forward to the next instalments.
Tetra I hope it works out for you with a low damage count. Like jg, I couldn't be with somebody with whom I had no emotional connection. It's sad that your wife has denied herself this need and replaced it with the need to be an elders wife. How empty the JW life is.
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29
Would you give blood now? Would you accept it?
by sass_my_frass inhow do you feel about blood now?
the thought of taking a blood transfusion still gives me the creeps... but now i know that i'd take one if my life was on the line.
i'm thinking about giving blood too.
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sass_my_frass
How do you feel about blood now? The thought of taking a blood transfusion still gives me the creeps... but now I know that I'd take one if my life was on the line. I'm thinking about giving blood too.
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63
SECRECY, Pros and Cons...UBM's, I'm asking you
by jgnat in"unbelieving mates" (ubm's), this is for you.
i'm compiling a tips sheet for brand-new ubm's to help them deal with the stresses and strains of being in a religiously mixed marriage.
help me out by giving me your experience, both good and bad, about secrecy.
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sass_my_frass
Thanks to everybody for what is to me brilliant insight on how NOT to behave!
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6
Drama script for the next convention
by sass_my_frass inmy non-jw hubbie wrote this last night, whose sole exposure to jw gatherings is a couple of hours at the last convention..... .
[setting: the present day.
a father is in a comfortable chair in his lounge room, reading a copy of "awake!
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sass_my_frass
You're a dark man, aren't you infamous?
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6
Financial reasons for being a Dub
by pratt1 in.
how many of you stayed in the "lie" longer than you believed it was true because you needed financial support from someone in the borg.. i know i stayed longer than i wanted to so that i could become financially independant from my parents and therefore i could do as i pleased without the financial ramifications.
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sass_my_frass
I postponed for a while as I couldn't afford my own place, and didn't know what to do about my JW housemates.
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29
they just called on me
by pc inan older woman and a younger woman with a baby in a stoller knocked on my door.
my house is so decorated with spider webs,pumpkins,skulls,gravestones, etc.
when i opened the door the crawling hand and candy dishes started thier seperate sounds and music, i just started to laugh.. she didn't introduce herself as one of jehovah's witnesses, she said she was doing volunteer work.
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sass_my_frass
Undercover, that was brilliant. If only I can get my dried-up brain to remember it.
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7
WOULD U BELIEVE I HAD TO WORK AT A J_DUB WEDDING????
by theinfamousone inso i get to work on saturday (i wait at a banquet center on weekends) and my boss tells me to keep the jokes and fun to a minimum that day....i asked why, and he says because jehovahs witnesses are getting married.... oh damn, and i know em all!!!!
wow, it really sucked to be honest with you!!
the people are all like i know your father and he gives such good talks... hows your congregation and bla bla bla... omg, rough night, so i went and got drunk, at work that is... i spilled drinks on two of em, and i swore at em and called em names, and still they tipped me... alot of money!!
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sass_my_frass
Did the other waiters notice any subtle over-eagerness on the part of some witnesses to be friendly and welcoming?
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6
Drama script for the next convention
by sass_my_frass inmy non-jw hubbie wrote this last night, whose sole exposure to jw gatherings is a couple of hours at the last convention..... .
[setting: the present day.
a father is in a comfortable chair in his lounge room, reading a copy of "awake!
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sass_my_frass
My non-JW hubbie wrote this last night, whose sole exposure to JW gatherings is a couple of hours at the last convention....
[Setting: The present day. A father is in a comfortable chair in his lounge room, reading a copy of "Awake!" His son enters...]
Son [in irritatingly enthusiastic mid-west US accent]: "Hey Dad, guess what? I just got home from University, where they taught me that I should critically examine the claims of my Elders, rather than mindlessly accepting them as unchanging Dogma!"
Father: (visibly shaken) "Well son, let's see what the publications have to say about this situation..."
[They move to a bookcase stuffed from floor to ceiling with back issues of "Watchtower" and "Awake!"]
Father: "Hmm, well son, according to this 1967 copy of "Watchtower" I have to take you outside the city and stone you for Heresy. Just wait here a moment while I fetch my hat..."
Son [anxiously riffling through his own copy]: "Err, wait a second, Dad! It says here in the July 1981 issue that you just have to bend me over a barstool and bugger me!"
Father: "Oh well, if that's the current situation, I guess you'd better assume the position..."
[Son gets a barstool from the next room, and leans over it. Father starts removing pants. Mother enters.]
Mother: "My! What's going on here?!"
Father: "Oh, just a little discipline. Junior here has comitted the terrible sin of Heresy, and we've discovered that the punishment for this transgression is buggery."
Mother: "That can't be right, surely you're supposed to take him outside the city and stone him?"
Father: "Apparently that went out in 1981. Well, bottoms up, son..."
Mother: "Wait a moment, have you checked the most up-to-date publication?"
[She takes out the latest issue and riffles through it. Triumphantly, she points to a page.]
Mother: "There, I knew you shouldn't have been so hasty! It says right here that the punishment for heresy is actually to be put in a straitjacket with your eyelids propped open while you sit through a 18-hour session of endlessly repeated video of the most recent Bethel convention, while someone sits next to you putting drops in your eyes and slapping your cheeks to make sure you keep watching!"
Father: "But... how does that differ from any other convention?"
[the drama continues... feel free to write the next act]
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40
HEN'S NIGHT PHOTO'S (girls night out before wedding)
by Es inhey all, heres some pics of my hens night...(girls night out before wedding).
had a blast.
enjoy .
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sass_my_frass
Top photos Es! How's that hangover? :D