{{{{{Broken Hearted}}}}}
I feel like I am going in all kinds of directions and needing structure.
I believe this is normal. I felt similarly when I first started taking an honest look at my beliefs, where they came from, on whose authority I was accepting them, and why I held them. By unlearning old beliefs, changing your way of thinking, and learning new facts, you are literally blazing new trails in your brain. It can be disconcerting when you've got to re-draw the map from scratch, but it is an excellent work-out for your faculties of reason.
I was accused of looking for the negative, by being on this sight, I don't really think that is what I am doing just trying to get understanding of something I have never been exposed to and was raise to fear.
Your motives make sense. If you are using facts and being honest about your feelings, the accusations leveled against you only make sense to those whose minds are closed and/or motivated by fear themselves.
They do make you study and learn more about what they tell you that you believe, They know their scriputre and thier history.
As touched-on by lovelylil, JWs give the appearance of being thorough and impartial researchers, but I didn't realize this was only an illusion until I left. Since I left and did research apart from JW literature, I have discovered how often Witnesses ignore and/or re-write history and take scripture out of context. The world, the people in it, and its history are very different from what I was taught they were as a JW. Using multiple JW sources as the background of one's research makes it seem one has done the "footwork", but, having been raised a JW and living as one for nearly the first 30 years of my life, I've discovered how the Org mediates reality. They limit and shape their audience's understanding and make it seem one has done their research because they advocate trusting that the Org has done all the research necessary and have done so honestly (honestly = the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth).
He has suggested I call my local kingdom hall to get the answers maybe they could explain it better. Told him was not doing that, then I asked him if his elder father would be able to explain it a better way.
While it is commendable to ask for help from someone when we can't do something on our own, think about what this statement means. It means that a major doctrine and practice in a group which is not understood well enough to be explained to someone else is still accepted as correct due to the commands of men. If such a teaching - which has a major and irreversible affect on one's life no matter what the ultimate outcome decided by the elders - cannot be adequately explained and supported by a believer, what does that say about who is inventing these teachings, how they are being enforced, and the state of mind those with authority in the Org wish to maintain in the rank and file?
Guess I am looking for suggestions on how to not be negative on this research .
Sometimes, this is not possible. When one encounters something truly negative, it would be dishonest to attempt to make it anything else. It would be a form of denial. On the other hand, it can help to see isolated experiences as anecdotal until enough similar experiences are gathered to reasonably suggest a pattern is emerging. While recognizing that many things others say can originate from hurt feelings, extracting the main issue conveyed in another's experience and evaluating it seperately from the attitude of the writer can help in determining the "rightness" or "wrongness" of the circumstances in question. It's also good to evaluate the reactions you receive during your search: When you present information to someone, is the information itself discussed, or are you attacked personally? Is the issue at hand given the focus or are "strawmen" (non-existent or irrelevant arguments) used to distract from the main point of the discussion? And - a personal opinion - gut feelings can often lead to an intuitive but accurate assessment of the "attitude" being promoted, whether during an actual discussion or while reading an argument.
why does a JW when answering a question always have to use and anology to get their point across and not just answer the question at hand?
When I was a JW, I and other Witnesses used this method when we knew a straight answer would be offensive or would close someone's mind to our argument. It is a way of avoiding 'letting your 'Yes' mean 'Yes' and your 'No', 'No'" because you 1) don't want to be tied down to a specific answer and 2) you want to manipulate your audience into seeing your side and need them to remain open to your perspective. Manipulation isn't always a bad thing - we do it every day. But when someone isn't aware of the manipulation and the techniques used are designed to circumvent independent or contradictory thought, one moves into the dangerous realm of thought reform.
I know it's hard and exhausting, but keep at it. You will eventually become proficient at such critical examinations. Don't hesitate to just take a break once in a while, though. A period of shifted focus (onto something totally unrelated) can often help your mind process the material you've already covered and broaden your perspective.