Posts by bythesea

24

A Friend Needs Advice and Help--NOW!!!!

by whyizit in

jw
friends

a good friend of mine is a former jw.

she is married to an active jw and her children are still jws.

her husband has demanded that they discuss why she is no longer willing to go to meetings, etc... she is wondering what subject would be the best to approach him with first.

bythesea

Actually, Osmosis, I do have a copy...and its sequel, ISOCF...they are hidden in a box in the back of my closet!! He does know I've read them and its one of the things that I asked that he not reveal to the elders...he doesn't believe I can be DF for reading it, but I don't think I could get him to just because its written by someone now DF...and considered apostate. I DO like the idea of until we're on the same page(so to speak) then its difficult to have any kind of sharing of thoughts...it will just end up being another session of "I'm right and you're wrong!" I guess all I can do is ask him to read it...he can only say NO!

btw, my shoes are Birkenstocks! hahaha

24

A Friend Needs Advice and Help--NOW!!!!

by whyizit in

jw
friends

a good friend of mine is a former jw.

she is married to an active jw and her children are still jws.

her husband has demanded that they discuss why she is no longer willing to go to meetings, etc... she is wondering what subject would be the best to approach him with first.

bythesea

Thanks McKay, you make a good point!

Among the books I've read is the one called "Captives of a Concept" by Cameron...he zeros in on the JWs being chosen by Christ in 1919 to be his channel of communication...the whole FDS thing and Matt. 24:45. Because I know the arguement and can tear that whole idea apart using their own literature, does anyone think that might be a place to start in trying to e xplain why the whole thing doesn't make sense to me anymore?? I don't know how any JW can defend against what was REALLY going on with the JWs at that time in their history....

There are so many good statements people have made to me here...I am just confused as to which direction I should turn...but I don't think I can get by any further with silence on this...and he deserves to understand why I want out, even if he doesn't agree with me! We've been married over 30 years, he's been a very good husband and mate...I don't want to continue to drive a wedge between us on this issue of religion!

24

A Friend Needs Advice and Help--NOW!!!!

by whyizit in

jw
friends

a good friend of mine is a former jw.

she is married to an active jw and her children are still jws.

her husband has demanded that they discuss why she is no longer willing to go to meetings, etc... she is wondering what subject would be the best to approach him with first.

bythesea

Some clarification, since this is ME we're discussing here!!

Hubby DOES know other ways to live, we were not always JWs...I was baptized in 82 and he in 88...we came out of the "hippie" generation and while our lifestyle was not full of "sex, drugs and rock n roll" at the time we studied, he still feels that if not for studying the Bible he wouldn't have made a good husband and our marriage probably wouldn't have made it. We have always had a much freer relationship than many couples in the WTS, probably due to the fact that I am a strong independent person, not reliant on my husband for too much in terms of approval..but then I never asked for too much that was out of line. He has stated recently that I wouldn't WANT him not to be a JW, that it wouldn't be good for either one of us...I guess that means he thinks he'd turn into a drunken sot if he wasn't a JW??? He seems to feel it is what keeps the reins on him....

I have avoided having a discussion with him about my feelings about the WTS for over a year now...I really don't think it can continue to be avoided!! He deserves to know what's going on with me and why...I understand the cognitive dissinance deal, I've been facing it when we have tried to talk during the past year! Attempts to discuss things ends up being an emotional trauma for us both! But, how does this get resolved if not by finally CALMLY sitting down together and picking it all apart? He knows I go online, he knows I'm in touch with people online, he knows I've read CofC and other books...he knows I am dreadfully afraid of losing my kids over this whole deal... He is just soooo sure that it IS "the truth" because he feels the Bible has proved to him that it is...as interpreted by the JWs, of course!! He has a whole long list of things he can spout as to why they, and only they, are the true religion.

I don't know if any of this helps, but I figure I have about another 2 hours(West coast time) to figure out what to say to him when he gets home!! Any and all comments are appreciated and taken into consideration! Thanks!!

20

Do you appreciate the beauty of still, calm, silence?

by nicolaou in

jw
friends

.

bythesea

Absolutely!! I can hear the ocean from my house, its such a peaceful calming sound...and makes for the perfect background for listening to your own thoughts and to contemplate and to just BE!!! But I'd be ok with absolute utter quiet too....

Sitting at the beach all alone brings me so much closer to God than sitting in a KH ever did!!

Bythesea

25

My Secret to a Joy-Filled Life

by jgnat in

jw
friends

here is a question i received from an anonymous poster.

getting this pm made my day.

he asks a universal question, so i decided to answer the best i can in public.

bythesea

jgnat...GREAT post...great encouragement for those of us who are still struggling with the whole exit thing!! Thanks!!!!!

bythesea

42

Well, my wife flipped out.

by rassillon in

jw
friends

i hope i don't go too long with this.... last night my wife and i were talking about her day in service.

we talked about several things of little consequence and then i made mention of a point out of the reasoning book to underscore the importance of our need to be well versed in the facts that support our beliefs.

said point is on 416 of the rs book.

bythesea

I'm reading these posts with great interest...the situation is going on in reverse for me and my husband...I'm working at fading and he's the committed JW. I have shared a great deal about how I feel, of why I want to leave the WTS, and he is determined to keep me in! I have given up on trying to reason with him on anything spiritual, it just ends up a battle between us...and having peace in the home is far preferable than having to be RIGHT about who's feeling are the most valid! I am finding, however, that by my refusal to continue a debate on doctrinal things that it only makes him more angry...he WANTS us to talk, but why should I engage that when it only pits us against one another?? I am trying to find some common ground for us to talk about things of a religious nature...maybe that's something that would help??? Obviously pushing it with him on the failures of the WTS isn't/won't get me anywhere... So, I feel for your situation, I'm in a very similar one myself!

Bythesea

2

All that Witness potential

by mjarka911 in

jw
friends

i just had an opportunity to donate to a friend's avon breast cancer walk and i was reading her reasons to get involved.

it made me think that not getting involved in charities was one of the things that never sat right with me when i was in the org.

but since then, i've loved donating and being active to help others.

bythesea

I agree with you. And since my fade is in progress I am finding ways to redirect my own charitable works...I now volunteer with a hospice group and when I have the opportunity to contribute to a worthy cause I do it! It feels great! I even gave $$ recently to a young kid who came into my place of work selling coupons for a local pizza establishment as a fundraiser for their youth group at church! They have a drug rehab house where they get kids off drugs and help to retrain them for holding down decent jobs...it seemed like a good deal to me!

I remember being embarressed several years ago, when I was very active as a JW, when my employer asked me about our "churches" community involvement with soup kitchens, helping out the needy or what we did along that line...I hated admitting that we, as a religious organizaation, didn't do any of those things to help in the community...that we just went door to door, bugging the crap out of people!! Yeah, its fine and good to be willing to help out a neighbor when they're sick, but how many JW's even do that??

19

Reasoning with the Witnesses - for newbies.

by FreeWilly in

jw
friends

after reading experiences and correspondence that some have posted on this site i think it might be a good idea to share what has been somewhat effective in conversations with entrenched jw family and friends.

when i was just "waking up" my mind was so occupied with the things i learned that i paid little attention to how i presented my point of view to jw's.

i often employed the "shot-gun" approach using the research i unveiled along with a healthy dose of outrage.

bythesea

Free Willy...hey! I wish I'd had this firmly implanted in my head this past weekend...I spent 2 horrible days arguing with my devout JW husband...all to no avail, of course, and even as I was in the throes of pleading my side of things I knew and could see that it was having absolutely no effect! It is soo absolutely frustrating to have information that has been so monumental to me mean nothing to him!! How can he not see what is going on, I wonder!! I also knew from reading other posts on JWD that arguing is NOT the way to try to get through to them...but once you're embroiled in the debate its sooo hard to just shut up! I will try and approach things differently next time.... altho my hubby is rrequesting another go around in order to "win me back to the truth" HA!

Scully....love your approach too and will definitely use it in the future with family and hubby ...you're right, few will argue over a person feeling that their Bible trained conscience is telling them to do/not do something! And if it can leave an impression even better then!!

Wanda....that was some interesting information!!!

This is an awesome thread, I hope to read more good info to be able to use with my mate and family! I'm waiting for the curtain to go down around me and family to start not wanting to talk to me about anything spiritual...some are asking questions now about why I'm not getting to meetings anymore...its always so hard to know how to answer those kinds of questions and still leave the door open for future conversations!

Thanks again, FW for your post!! I've not forgotten your other advice in your pm's to me...I've just been a slacker on answering! Hope the ocean is treating you well!! Bythesea

98

Wow that UN scandal really DOES work wonders

by osmosis in

jw
friends

i'm totally amazed.

i gave that un report to my (hardcore jw to the extreme max, but in a nice way) aunt, and she didn't speak of it for several days.

when she said nothing, i knew i'd gotten somewhere.. today she finally spoke up.

bythesea

IP-SEC

Maybe you did a copy & paste when you offered your great info in the above post...but there were a couple of uncompleted sentences I'm very curious about...could you give us the rest of the sentences for verification purposes of the material? That would be great!

#1....As you note from the letter to all elders in.........? (This is under your LIE#1 line)

#2 .....there are at least 5 such depositories in......? (above the bold word HYPOCRISY)

The information you offer under Lie #1 that is in quotations...I am assuming this comes from the letter to the body of elders? I would like to print your information off to add to my UN/NGO file but want to be sure where it comes from. Thanks, IP_SEC

Bythesea

14

Oh, I really screwed up on this one. What should I do?

by stilllying in

jw
friends

ok, here is a quick synopsis.

i was born and raised "in the truth".

i was df when i was 17 and moved away, got married, had kids etc....i came back into the "truth" at around 27 out of guilt and a strong need/desire to speak with my mother, father and sister again but since they lived back east and i lived out west they didn't really know that after a few years i became inactive again and now that dad's passed away and mom is sick i don't have the heart to tell them that i haven't been to a single meeting in over 10 years (except for the ones i go to when i go back to visit them and pretend like everything is aok and i am 100% yada,, yada, yada) any way, i just told my mom that me and the family are going on a cruise over spring break and you guessed it, she says, "oh no, you are going to miss the .....memorial!!!!????

bythesea

I agree with the others that saying you'll attend Memorial in Puerta Vallarta while in port is the way to go...Iits seen as kind of cool to celebrate with our bros and sis in other countries...and actually they would LOVE to have you join them!!

I've been to the KH there and its actually quite nice!! If you have the chance and want to carry the charade a little further you could go by and take a picture of the KH and send to your mom!!

bythesea (btw, Welcome to the board!!!)