coffee_black

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Posts by coffee_black

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  69

  Thank You all

  by plmkrzy in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  especially stinky and six

  i am going back to the kh.

  i've been here 2 years and posted over a year trying to be supportive of everyone but some things are even too obvious for even me to not see.

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  coffee_black

  (((((((((Plmcrzy))))))))))))

  I know you have your reasons, but it really isn't any better back in the organization.

  I've been out for over 10 years, and it takes a while to get your bearings...I now have a life I could never have dreamed of when I was in the organization...a strong relationship with God, a man in my life who I adore, and a career that I really enjoy. I have real friends, who are unconditional... It took time to get to this place in my life. I had to believe that I deserve those things.

  Although the jws claim to be the happiest people on the planet, a huge percentage of them are on antidepressants...and most I have encountered in since my exit seem very angry and defensive. It really isn't all it's cracked up to be.

  Friends can be found in many places. We were robbed the people skills most "worldly people" develop. You have to reach out and learn to trust. I know that's a tough thing to do in your position. I know you can because I did. There is hope, and you can learn to have friends. Give yourself some time.... I don't want to see you hurt more than you've already been. Jws can be cruel.

  If you need to talk, pm me. I'll give you my email address or phone number.

  Please take care!

  Coffee
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  31

  Do you miss being part of something big?

  by sleepy in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  .

  at one time i was one of "gods chosen people", part of a special group of people who had exclusive access to hidden truths about the earth and its people.. now of cource i realise i'm just like everyone else and all the puzzles are still there.. kind of miss that feeling sometimes..

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  coffee_black

  I think that feeling is what keeps a lot of people in. The problem is, as an individual, you are not much at all in the org. If your talents are obvious, well then you are bosting. You can never do enough to measure up. But the feeling of being part of something we thought was so big...one of the chose few, was intoxicating.

  I can't say I miss it, because I am so much happier now. Every aspect of my life is better in every way.

  Coffee
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  9

  Governing Body...God?

  by integ in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i have run into the ultimate brick wall with a jw family member.....this person has listened to my spiel about false prophecies, un, pedophile cover ups, etc, etc.

  and after agreeing that there have been "mistakes", and "adjustments in thinking" etc, it has all come down to this:.... the governing body are god's representatives on earth, and regardless of the past mistakes they have made as mere "humans" they are still jehovah's channel of communicating with the congregation.

  when i asked why the gb differs so much from the first century cong., the reply was: 'yes in some ways, but this is god's organization, and if they feel like changing thing's it is jehovah's will'.

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  coffee_black

  It is the common minset among jws. They have been told this so many times they believe it as fact, but most will not even remember how they came to that conclusion, or what evidence convinced them of it.

  Just ask them how they know that the governing body is Jehovah's only representative on earth. Ask them to prove it from the Bible.

  Ask them why they think that the organization is the truth, when Jesus clearly said "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." Peter said "To Whom" (not where, as the wt has misquoted) shall I go away to...You have sayings of everlasting life". Jesus made it very clear. It's not an organization that brings salvation. They can't give it or take it away. God doesn't take orders from the wt society.

  Coffee
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  8

  Did your kids wise up before you did?

  by GentlyFeral in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  ....don't really know how to phrase my question any better than that.. see, i left when my daughter was 12 and my son was 19. but they were both ready to leave years before that!.

  at 17, my son heard a talk about conforming to the borg.

  "don't put any energy into being different," the speaker said.

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  coffee_black

  My daughter was about 13 when she started asking me, "Where is the love in the congregation? " She told me years later that she had already decided to leave by the time she was a teenager. She was treated very badly by the other teenage girls in the congregation. My son was 11 when he decided he didn't want to go to the meetings anymore. I was out by that time, but my ex husband wasn't. (still isn't) That was an awful struggle for everyone involved.

  Coffee
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  22

  First Visit to KH in 1 year - Observations...

  by Confucious in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  hey guys,.

  went to the kh for the first time in about a year.. i went in part because i have a couple of friends there (i'm not df or da).. good or bad, here were my observations.... 1) people were generally friendly, but it seems (and honestly) that most of the friendly ones were the ones considered "spiritually weak" by kh standards.

  2) it's pretty sad how much the "f and d slave" is actually worshiped.. it seemed that every other watchtower comment was geared toward praising, "jehovah's faithful slave., etc.

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  coffee_black

  Confucious,

  I'm so sorry for your awful experience. Grief is a normal human emotion. Normal human emotions are denied in so many ways in the organization. Many times I remember being told not to grieve when someone I cared about died....after all they would be back after armageddon. To me, this a callous view of life. You can never replace the years lost. I said once, to a jw that I really missed my parents. They died in the late 70s, still fairly young. The jw said I shouldn't feel that way. That I would see them one day. I was stunned. I said that you can't replace those lost years. I have 2 children who never knew their grandparents. They would have made really great grandparents too. They never saw their grandchilden grow up. My children never had the honor of knowing them. That my dad died due to a watchtower policy that has since changed didn't help the matter either.

  Coffee
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  67

  How Sad

  by Ariell in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i have a distant cousin, 15 and in a wheel chair.

  she's always saying how she can't wait until the new system comes when finally she'll be set free from her handicap and can run around with joyful glee.

  it breaks my heart knowing this is never gonna happen and makes me even more angrier.

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  coffee_black

  Northern girl,

  Check your pm.

  Coffee
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  67

  How Sad

  by Ariell in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i have a distant cousin, 15 and in a wheel chair.

  she's always saying how she can't wait until the new system comes when finally she'll be set free from her handicap and can run around with joyful glee.

  it breaks my heart knowing this is never gonna happen and makes me even more angrier.

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  coffee_black

  Northern girl,

  False hope is never kind. It focuses one in the wrong direction, and channels energy that could be focused on something real. One misses the here and now waiting for what might be. Awakening from an illusion, however well intentioned can be devastating. When one believes they will never die, for instance, and lives life focusing on a paradise earth instead of the one they are living in....how do you think it feels when they are in their 80s to have to recognize their own mortality for the first time in their lives? I know of elderly jws who are facing that right now. The promise of a future has robbed them of their lives, quite literally. Their talents and abilities...wasted. Some never had children because of wt teachings. Some never owned a home, or travelled or any of the things they might have done, had they not focused on life after armageddon. Hope is a good thing, but living in the here and now, facing whatever challenges may come up, and dealing with reality will make a person stronger and a more complete human being.

  I truly believed that I would never die. We were told that constantly. One of the hardest things for me to give up when I left the org. was that belief. I know now that I will one day die. I value my life all the more, because I know it is finite. I live a richer, fuller life because of that realization. If I hadn't come to that realizaion, I would still be waiting to live.

  Coffee
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  67

  How Sad

  by Ariell in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i have a distant cousin, 15 and in a wheel chair.

  she's always saying how she can't wait until the new system comes when finally she'll be set free from her handicap and can run around with joyful glee.

  it breaks my heart knowing this is never gonna happen and makes me even more angrier.

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  coffee_black

  Northern Girl,

  You were lucky...oops, I mean fortunate not to receive the treatment others did for getting an education. The society doesn't see the cost it demands in human potential. It's too bad really, but just another form of control. I'm very happy to be free of that control, and though it took me many years, I now have a great life, career etc.

  Strongheadedness is not bad, it just needs to be tempered with reason. You appear to be willing to admit that you were wrong about education in the society. There are other issues that you will find, just like many here have found, that you were wrong about.. Just be openminded enough to examine the evidence. There was a time that I defended the organization as strongly as you do. I have learned much in the years since then.

  Cat1759: What part of Mass did you go to in the 70s? I remember a group that came from California back then? I may know you. I'll PM you...

  Coffee
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  47

  brown paper on the mirrors at assembly

  by freein89 in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  this happened in the mid 80's at a circuit assembly in wisconsin.

  the "brothers" decided they had the solution to the long lines for the ladies room.

  they went in there and covered the mirrors with brown paper.

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  coffee_black

  I remember the brown paper over the mirrors. Remember it at Yankee Stadium and Fenway Park... I think in Toronto too, one year. I always carried a small mirror with me, so I felt I'd outsmarted the bathroom police. Who would want to stay in those awful restrooms to begin with? Just like the org. to try to make you feel guilty about the most normal things.

  In 1976 at the district convention in Providence, Rhode Island, (which was shortly after the birth of my daughter) they set up a kind of tent for nursing mothers. It was a new idea then, and I was really happy not to have to use the bathroom to nurse her. There we all sat, nursing our babies, in various stages of undress. (Being all women, no one tried to cover up) One brother walked in, and my jw sensibilities were shocked. I had just finished nursing and I was covered, but I looked around and no one else was. I told him he would have to leave. He was outraged, and said that his wife was in there. I said that didn't men he could come in. He was not entitled to see us all in that state. We were in the nursing room for privacy, and if we didn't need privacy, we could all nurse from our seats. He still wouldn't move, and told me not to get so uptight. I told him that if my husband went in the men's room, it didn't mean I could go in to get him. He had such a smirk on his face. I left the room and went to the sign dept. I knew the brother in charge. My mother had brought him in to the "truth". I explained the situation, and he made a sign and put it up that said 'Women only" That brother tried to enter later, but I pointed to the sign and would not allow him to enter. Told him I would be happy to find an elder for him to explain himself to.

  I'm really not prudish, but I felt violated by that guy. I really don' t think his wife was in there at all...he just wanted an excuse to look. This whole bathroom thread brought up some memories.

  Coffee
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  22

  First Visit to KH in 1 year - Observations...

  by Confucious in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  hey guys,.

  went to the kh for the first time in about a year.. i went in part because i have a couple of friends there (i'm not df or da).. good or bad, here were my observations.... 1) people were generally friendly, but it seems (and honestly) that most of the friendly ones were the ones considered "spiritually weak" by kh standards.

  2) it's pretty sad how much the "f and d slave" is actually worshiped.. it seemed that every other watchtower comment was geared toward praising, "jehovah's faithful slave., etc.

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  coffee_black

  No one ever made a shepherding call on me either. I hadn't attended a meeting in over a year, and received only 1 phone call, and that was to see if I had any time to report.. My son went to a birthday party, and someone told the elders. They suddenly found the time to contact me. Then they wouldn't stop contacting me until I agreed to meet with them.

  Their worship is structured because it is not worship at all. Worship comes from the heart, and it is directed towards God. In the organization it comes from policy and is directed towards the "fds" That's why it's empty. That's why there's no love..

  Coffee