Man, is it true about jw sports. I could never believe how a bunch of guys who were trying to out-righteous each other at the hall would all of a sudden be swearing like sailors and body checking each other as hard as possible, using fouls as an excuse to try and sneak in an elbow punch or other painful move. But of course, when worldly people showed up and wanted to play, they never let them. I realize now it's because those worldly guys wouldn't have put up with the way the jws were playing.
atypical
JoinedPosts by atypical
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94
Guys ONLY... Hear me out, but did you notice...
by upside/down inthat most guys in the borg were .
i mean, i don't know about you, but i remember countless times that situations would develop involving young to old men alike, where me and other non-dub-raised "dudes", would comment that.... what that guy (bro) needs is a good ass-kicking!
i mean a good old fashioned beat your ass whoopin... i mean learn some real "humility" at the hands of your "friends".
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So, are you, by nature, and introvert or extrovert?
by onacruse inmulan's thread, and simon's post thereto, got me to thinking about this, especially in terms of what i might be today, minus the influence of the wts.. by nature, i was always an introvert.
early on (age 10 or so), i immersed myself in mathematics, physics, chemistry...the "pure" sciences, devoid of "worldly" meaning...just the plain and simple facts, thank you ma'am.
i'd stay in my room and study stuff until my mom had to literally grab me by the ear and say "craig, go outside and blow off the stink!.
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atypical
I am definitely an introvert. On my first day of school, I wanted to cry, die, and run all at the same time. I have never liked groups, and I have always shied away from attention. On the other hand, because of my upbringing, I can make conversation with anybody, literally. I can keep up the charade for an unlimited amount of time, after which I will go home and need a very long time by myself to recover. I have noticed this has gotten worse lately, I have had less tolerance for social formalities. On the other hand, I can spend the evening with one of my longtime friends (they are no longer part of the borg) and not need to recover. I think the expectation aspect of socializing has clouded my outlook on people.
I'll add it to my list.
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What silly rules did your congregation make up?
by weinermcgee inelders were famous for making up stupid rules with no bible base at all as an ego trip i guess, what were some of yours?
i am not talking about the stupid rules that we all had to follow, just the congregation specific silly ones.. 1. having to button your jacket while on stage (this was later changed due to all the elders having a beer gut).
2. suits only or no privledges.
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atypical
I got removed from handling the microphones for not having 10 hours or more each month. The elder who decided this made the MS in charge of sound tell me. I asked him where that was in writing. He looked confused and said that he thought that was how all congregations did it. I told him that there was no rule, and he went back to the elder (the MS was a nice, normal guy, just quick to believe anything he was told). It was pretty funny, because when he questioned the elder, the elder had to change the reason to keep from looking stupid. So the MS came back to me and said that it wasn't about how many hours I got, it was just that they didn't see me at enough service meetings. So I said, what if I went out for a 10 hour day once a month? He hung his head a little and went back to the elder. This went back and forth several times. Interestingly, the elder never did talk to me about it. The funny thing is, at the time I was regular at meetings and in field service. Now that I am there maybe once a month with no jacket and zero hours in service, they keep putting me on the list to handle microphones.
It is also a rule in my hall that you have to be an MS to read the Watchtower or be an attendant. Interestingly, anyone is allowed to clean the bathrooms, sweep the parking lot, or donate money. I personally do none of the above.
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Does it bother you to realize that life is normal for those left behind?
by free2beme inyou know when you leave a religion or a place you worked at for a long time.
you want to feel that perhaps there will be a missing irreplaceable piece, that represents the effort you put into the work.
you know what i talking about, the comment at work of "this place would be lost without me" or in the religion "i am the main person who encourages field service around here.
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atypical
It bothers me. Especially when I ask a witness how so-and-so is doing, maybe a person that moved away and I haven't seen in awhile, and I get the answer "Oh, they aren't doing anything in the truth". As though that answers everything; nothing is going well for that person who is not active as a witness. That makes me hurt for all the people who have been discarded so casually. I try to reply with something like, "That's not what I asked. How are they doing?"
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The reason I arrived, and why I'm still here...
by OldSoul inthanks to lilycurly, i don't think i will be able to even nominally remain a witness for much longer.
the whole "fading" thing goes against the grain anyway.. i arrived here, as my first venture into ex-jw land, as a lurker.
within a few hours, i spotted two people i knew whoto my surprisehad not yet become ex-ex-jws but were still posting here.
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atypical
Old Soul, your posts are really great. I arrived here by accident. I was agonizing over the fact that I seem unable to fit into any congregation well(I too, have become a 30 year old non-elder; actually for the last few years I have had no responsibilities in the congregation, mostly because I stopped answering at meetings and dropped off the ministry school) , and just surfing the net looking for some kind of answer. I saw many sites that were just too angry, and several that were just trying to indoctrinate me out of my fire and into their frying pan.
The thing that really got me was to read posts about other people who also suffered because they were not exactly the same as their peers. It was refreshing and made me feel like it's not just that there's something wrong with me. I'm still not sure how I feel about the doctrine, but I am sure that I think the social atmosphere of the religion can be very harmful to some, if not many.
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Limping on two opinions - mine and theirs!
by atypical ini have been lurking at these sites for a while and have finally decided to post.
forgive me for not wanting to give any clues as to my identity, but i am still struggling as a fence-sitter - knowing how i feel but not wanting to be cut off from my family and friends.
so my meeting attendance is sporadic; when i go to the meetings i am told "i'm worried about you" or "where have you been, your wife has been coming by herself".
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atypical
Thanks Old Soul. That's interesting that you study the Revolution. I have turned to studying world religion and religious history, but I think it is really for the same reasons - fascination with the social pressure that can literally break huge numbers of people, and even more fascination with the few who take their stand against popular opinion. And you are right, it does feel good to actually say how I feel, even if it is from the safety of my computer. Baby steps, Bob, baby steps
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Limping on two opinions - mine and theirs!
by atypical ini have been lurking at these sites for a while and have finally decided to post.
forgive me for not wanting to give any clues as to my identity, but i am still struggling as a fence-sitter - knowing how i feel but not wanting to be cut off from my family and friends.
so my meeting attendance is sporadic; when i go to the meetings i am told "i'm worried about you" or "where have you been, your wife has been coming by herself".
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atypical
Gary, I read your website and all of the content on it today. I admire how far you've come and I think your info is helpful to others. I can't imagine how hard it must have been to confront your family, but I can see how that must have really been like knocking out that anxiety bully. I especially appreciated your thoughts on those of us who were raised this way and can't just peel away the affects. Your approach really got me thinking.
I can honestly say that I suffered no abuse within my family, and I have no ill feelings towards them. The problem is, I want to preserve my family situation and at the same time distance myself from the rest of the group. It's starting to seem like it isn't possible. I think even if my family could see things how I see them, they maybe couldn't handle the reality, after having so much of their life invested.
I am actually thinking of moving out of state, just so I can start fresh without constantly running into people I have known for so long. I'm just not sure if that would be a cop out.
Ron, I think you are right. It is like a warning sign. I personally believe it has something to do with not being able to say what I really think. The panic attacks are almost like I'm choking on what I really want to say.
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Limping on two opinions - mine and theirs!
by atypical ini have been lurking at these sites for a while and have finally decided to post.
forgive me for not wanting to give any clues as to my identity, but i am still struggling as a fence-sitter - knowing how i feel but not wanting to be cut off from my family and friends.
so my meeting attendance is sporadic; when i go to the meetings i am told "i'm worried about you" or "where have you been, your wife has been coming by herself".
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atypical
Yes, the "you must have a secret sin or a guilty conscience" spiel. Even way back before I started having doubts, it was easy to see the flaw in that argument. I personally knew many who were guilty of various "crimes" which would have been punishable by committee, and yet they seemed to have no trouble getting on the platform. If anything, they seemed to enjoy any chance to grab the limelight. It's funny though, when you feel you are the one with the problem. I remember thinking to myself, "Is there a secret sin I'm forgetting? Do I feel guilty because I own that Fleetwood Mac CD? I did say a curseword once under my breath, maybe I am being punished!" How superstitious, really!
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Limping on two opinions - mine and theirs!
by atypical ini have been lurking at these sites for a while and have finally decided to post.
forgive me for not wanting to give any clues as to my identity, but i am still struggling as a fence-sitter - knowing how i feel but not wanting to be cut off from my family and friends.
so my meeting attendance is sporadic; when i go to the meetings i am told "i'm worried about you" or "where have you been, your wife has been coming by herself".
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atypical
Thanks everyone for your warm comments. I was feeling a little embarrassed after posting, wondering if I got too personal, but reading your comments really lifted me up. It is amazing to be able to share a problem and not be told that I am not "spiritual" enough. To answer one question, Balsam, the anxiety started only in jw situations, but it rapidly spread to other areas of my life. I got to the point, while I was still trying to pioneer, that I could not even leave a message on anyone's answering machine. I also avoided many meetings at work where I was afraid I might be asked to read or speak. I do think you are right, that I maybe need to talk to a professional to help me work things out. It's hard to get out of the mentality that says you don't need professionals if you are busy enough in the congregation, even when you know that's a load of crap.
Old Soul, I think you are so right. Not being able to say what we really think, not allowing ourselves to be an individual, can have a very damaging effect. Gary, I really identify with what you went through. Even going to someone's house for dinner was enough to cause nightmares, worrying that I would be asked to say the prayer. I wonder how many others have dealt with this problem.
Thanks again everyone. I really can't tell you how much your replies mean to me.
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Limping on two opinions - mine and theirs!
by atypical ini have been lurking at these sites for a while and have finally decided to post.
forgive me for not wanting to give any clues as to my identity, but i am still struggling as a fence-sitter - knowing how i feel but not wanting to be cut off from my family and friends.
so my meeting attendance is sporadic; when i go to the meetings i am told "i'm worried about you" or "where have you been, your wife has been coming by herself".
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atypical
Hello everybody. I have been lurking at these sites for a while and have finally decided to post. Forgive me for not wanting to give any clues as to my identity, but I am still struggling as a fence-sitter - knowing how I feel but not wanting to be cut off from my family and friends. So my meeting attendance is sporadic; when I go to the meetings I am told "I'm worried about you" or "where have you been, your wife has been coming by herself". I try to answer with a positive: "Why would you be worried about me? I'm doing great.", but of course that only seems to increase the curiosity.
Just to give a run down, I was born into "the truth". I have been on several assembly parts, I pioneered for 3 and a half years, read the watchtower, gave impromptu's, etc, all before I was twenty. My change of thinking has been slow and a long time coming. I guess it started at pioneer school. I was asked to give prayer unexpectedly in front of the class, the two circuit overseers, and also the two service meetings which had joined us. After years of being on the platform, I suddenly broke down and had a severe panic attack. It was humiliating to say the least. I barely got through the prayer, and everyone acted kind of like they had just seen a freak show. To be fair, the one CO gave me a hug afterwards and told me I did a good job. From there on out, I started having the same problem, sometimes while trying to read the text at a service meeting, sometimes while trying to give a talk on the Ministry School. I eventually started avoiding any public speaking or reading. (Can you imagine doing this as an active JW?) Well, I pulled it off. I even kept pioneering while finding excuses to leave hundreds of service meetings when I thought I would be called on. I eventually dropped off the list when I just couldn't handle the pressure anymore. I also started drinking - only binging once in a while with my pioneer partner, but then slowly and steadily turning to alcohol to try to lessen my anxiety. I even tried having a few drinks before meetings so I could get through my responsibilities. It has been a long and destructive process. I have been told I didn't have enough faith, or I just needed to study more, or that I had a guilty conscience. Of course, it only showed me that I was not dealing with anyone who was qualified to speak on my problems. Eventually, I started wondering why I was having such trouble fitting in. I wondered how the one true organization could not have room for someone like me. I started purposely associating with ones who seemed to be avoided by the rest of the congregation. I got disciplined for eating publicly with one of my friends who was disfellowshipped.
At this point, I am suffering from severe anxiety, to the point that I avoid any situation where I even feel like people are looking at me. I also struggle with my drinking problem, and I feel that I am losing the battle most of the time. As silly as it sounds, I am reluctant to make any permanent break with the group as a whole. I don't blame anyone for my problems; I think I am responsible for my own actions, but I can't help but wonder how many people have left feeling depressed and unhappy with themselves simply because they couldn't fit in to this particular and peculiar social setting. I plan to write more - right now it is late...
I do appreciate all the posts I have read and the individuality I have seen on this board and others.