dezpbem

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Posts by dezpbem

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  75

  Please Welcome The Infamous One!

  by misspeaches in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  .

  our creepy new guy .

  welcome the infamous one!!

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  dezpbem

  Pools?

  If I clean yours will I get showered with this poetry Misspeaches speaks of so?

  Will I get my very own beanie of mystical power?

  Hey, much better pic dude!

  I must say, you don't look creepy at all.

  ...the name still stays though
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  75

  Please Welcome The Infamous One!

  by misspeaches in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  .

  our creepy new guy .

  welcome the infamous one!!

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  dezpbem

  Oh.. I wasn't invited...i'm so hurt

  What's this about creepy critters?

  Mezmerized by the beanie of world conquest?

  Hey Napoleon had that huge hat so why can't another world conquestador sport a strange beanie!

  I'm all for it. Beanies rule! Rock on!

  Dez
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  36

  What was your favorite thing about being a witness?

  by dezpbem in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  while i didn't like being a jw there were 1 or 2 good points.

  what was your favorite thing about being a jw?.

  mine was all the parties and social gatherings we had.

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  dezpbem

  While I didn't like being a jw there were 1 or 2 good points. What was your favorite thing about being a jw?

  Mine was all the parties and social gatherings we had. The barbeques were outstanding and we had them alot. It was like one big family...ok, on second thought, one big disfunctional family, lol. But that was fun. I miss the big social group. Anything else you found enjoyable?

  Dez
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  9

  Ozziepost - Shiraz

  by stevenyc in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i am currently drinking a bottle of the black chook, shiraz viognier 2004. its fantastic!

  and it came with a screw top?.

  steve

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  dezpbem

  I see you have a pic of the pirate costume from the party. I was hoping you would put it up on the board! I can't wait to see what you look like without it. I may not figure out who you are next time, lol! I remember the whiskey you shared with me right before I left. Wow that was good. I don't recall the name but it was very smooth.

  Dez
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  39

  Do you have an Evil Streak?

  by misspeaches in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  sometimes people do things too me that just rub me up the wrong way... and out comes evil miss peaches....!

  i can't help it... this weird evil side of my personality displays itself.

  for example if i'm in traffic and someone is tailgating me i deliberately slow down to a couple of kms per hour below the speed limit.

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  dezpbem

  Why have you something insightful to share with me??

  Hehe! Maybe. If you are in fact a "giver". Here's a TON of basic info on a giver.

  Givers are one of three personality types that focus on the emotional center. The primary dillema of the emotional center is shame. This can express itself as not feeling worthy enough, feeling like others don't love me as I am, etc. If it could speak it would say "Well i'm just not good enough for others to love me as I am. So I need a way to be more loved and needed by others." And so the 3 emotional types are 3 different strategies for filling this need to be more liked and loved. They are the giver, the performer (achiever), the romantic/artist.

  The giver attempts (unconsciously) to get love by being so helpful to others that you couldn't live without them (at least in the mind of the giver). The performer fills the gap by gaining achievements to make themselves more wanted/liked. The romantic (aka tragic romantic/artist) thinks "If only I could find that special someone to complete me, then I would be happy." These are 3 different ways of filling the void of low self esteem. There are 3 intellectual types and 3 instinctive (body centered) types. The other centers have a different central issue for their types.

  It's not that a giver has no self-esteem. It's that self-esteem is conditional. The condition is "I must be a good person; I must be helpful to others; I must deny my own needs".

  Here are some descriptions of givers;

  If you play the part of the Giver, your life will revolve around people and relationships. You will move naturally toward others, empathizing with them, supporting them and being helpful. You see the best in others, both as they are now and as they could become. While noticing the needs of others, you may have a sense of not having any needs yourself. What could you need? It is others who need you. This is your passion of independent pride. But underneath your pseudo independence, you may discover that you are seeking the approval of others. In fact, there may be times when you recognize how needy and dependent you really are. Even your identity and your generally high self-esteem comes from the opinion of others. In a relationship with that special person you may become like them, sharing their interests and activities, merging with their likes and dislikes. Later you may question who you really are and what your true identity is. You are often upbeat, emotional, and enthusiastic. You may be the center of a social scene or philanthropic endeavor. On the high side you are genuinely helpful, caring and supportive. You are the power behind the throne. On the low side you tend to be needy, clinging, manipulative, even hysterical. Some Giver images include Daddy's girl, the classic Jewish mother and obsessive lovers.

  Twos are driven by a need to be loved, to be needed, to be appreciated. To get that love, they express love and devotion more freely than most: they become helpers," interested in the welfare of others, and in doing things for others.
  Their love, however, is not truly free; they expect repayment. Often they establish dependency relationships which art in effect, a form of bribery to get the love they so badly need. Twos are usually unwilling, even unable, to acknowledge that all their efforts to please and gratify are motivated by their own strong needs for love and approval.

  Possible origins. Twos were the children who were loved for being pleasing. They quickly recognized the qualities in themselves that were appealing to the different adults in their lives and learned to put on a performance that met those needs. Another common scenario is reported by Twos whose sensitivity to the needs of others developed because they had to support their parents emotionally. Others recognized the manipulative possibilities of becoming indispensable and loved, and used their seductive abilities to extract what they needed from other people.

  Flawed Twos become too involved, over-extend themselves in the service of too many good causes, befriend and advise too many people and wind up feeling burdened and physically worn out. They may feel that they are not properly valued. Twos are attracted to power and do not waste time developing relationships with those below. The need for love can degenerate into a need to control, expressed in the form of manipulation. Twos are masters at creating guilt in others while maintaining their own righteous positions. They may martyr themselves, ostensibly putting themselves in the service of others while unconsciously resenting those others.

  As managers they will alter temperamentally, at times wanting to be liked by employees, at times feeling burdened by their presence.

  Well-Adapted Twos, those who have learned to love without necessarily being loved in return, are unselfish, considerate, and genuinely loving. They are altruistic and frequently serve real needs in the world. They will be found serving on fund-raising committees, working with charitable organizations. On a personal level they are compassionate, thoughtful, and ready to help.

  Well-adapted Twos see the potentials in people. They are sensitive to bringing a new person into the group. They draw people out. They also become capable of accepting anger in themselves when it occurs and using it as a basis for asserting their own needs. They stop cloaking themselves in selfless and powerless virtue, and free themselves to use power directly. They become less likely to do a slow burn and more likely to surface problems as they arise.

  Generous, Demonstrative, People-Pleasing, and Possessive
  Giver, Caretaker, Helper, Nurturer, Advisor, Manipulating

  Pride with the fear of being
  worthless, useless, dispensable or inconsequential.

  In a search for higher will, the attention of the Two goes to flattery,
  other's needs, the one who can meet their needs and being helpful.
  Basic Fear: Of being unwanted, unworthy of being loved
  Basic Desire: To feel loved
  False Claim: "I have no needs. I only care about yours."
  Four Adjectives: Caring and generous, but possessive and manipulative.
  Self-image: "I am helpful."
  Compulsion: To help. Always giving to others
  Avoidance: Their own needs
  Paradox: Giving more to others does not bring freedom and fulfillment for yourself, and being cut off from an awareness of own needs prevents you from obtaining the freedom and fulfillment you desire.
  
  Healthy, average, and unhealthy givers (aka "the two personality type");

  Healthy: Empathetic, compassionate, feeling for others. Caring and concerned about their needs. Thoughtful, warm-hearted, forgiving and sincere. / Encouraging and appreciative, able to see the good in others. Service is important, but takes care of self too: they are nurturing, generous, and giving — a truly loving person. At Their Best: Become deeply unselfish, humble, and altruistic: giving unconditional love to self and others. Feel it is a privilege to be in the lives of others.

  Average: Want to be closer to others, so start "people pleasing", becoming overly friendly, emotionally demonstrative, and full of "good intentions" about everything. Give seductive attention: approval, "strokes," flattery. Love their supreme value, and they talk about it constantly. / Become overly intimate and intrusive: they need to be needed, so they hover, meddle, and control in the name of love. Want others to depend on them: give, but expect a return: send double messages. Enveloping and possessive: the codependent, self-sacrificial person who cannot do enough for others — wearing themselves out for everyone, creating needs for themselves to fulfill. / Increasingly self-important and self-satisfied, feel they are indispensable, although they overrate their efforts in others' behalf. Hypochondria, becoming a "martyr" for others. Overbearing, patronizing, presumptuous.

  Unhealthy: Can be manipulative and self-serving, instilling guilt by telling others how much they owe them and make them suffer. Abuse food and medication to "stuff feelings" and get sympathy. Undermine people, making belittling, disparaging remarks. Extremely self-deceptive about their motives and how aggressive and/or selfish their behavior is. / Domineering and coercive: feel entitled to get anything they want from others: the repayment of old debts, money, sexual favors. / Able to excuse and rationalize what they do since they feel abused and victimized by others and are bitterly resentful and angry. Somatization of their aggressions result in chronic health problems as they vindicate themselves by "falling apart" and burdening others. Generally corresponds to the Histrionic Personality Disorder and Factitious Disorder.

  Don't let the "unhealthy" giver description throw you off. All the types have various levels of functioning. An average giver is unconscious of their motive for giving. The motive id to get in return. But consciously they tell themselves "I give out of the kindness of my heart". Also a major problem for givers is the repression of negative thoughts and feelings toward others. It comes out as either stress/anxiety or passive-aggressive expressions of anger.

  Now that i've given you a book to read, lol, i'll end this chapter. What you wrote just made me curious about what type you are. There are 9 basic personality types and 3 instincts.

  Dez
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  39

  Do you have an Evil Streak?

  by misspeaches in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  sometimes people do things too me that just rub me up the wrong way... and out comes evil miss peaches....!

  i can't help it... this weird evil side of my personality displays itself.

  for example if i'm in traffic and someone is tailgating me i deliberately slow down to a couple of kms per hour below the speed limit.

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  dezpbem

  Hi Misspeaches

  You said"My friend wants to leave him around 50% of the time but then he gets all schmoopy and stuff and she forgives him." Good idea to keep watchful. That getting "schmoopy" stuff after mistreatment is a classic way abusers keep themselves "in". It doesn't have to mean he is one though.

  Would you say the following sounds like you?

  Many people depend on my help and generosity.
  I take more pride in my service of others than in anything else.
  I need to feel important in other people's lives. I like people to need me.
  I seem to have personal radar for the detection of moods and preferences of others.
  Each of my friends brings out a different part of me.
  I am attracted to difficult relationships.
  I don't feel that I have that many needs.
  I believe that gaining approval is equal to gaining love.
  When I have time off, I frequently spend it helping others.
  Having a sense of personal freedom is very important to me.

  Dez
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  42

  What is wrong with me?

  by Crumpet in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i just went out for only the second time in the last three months since i broke my leg - to socialise - for a meal with a girl i haven't seen for a year.

  she kept saying nice stuff about me and how she liked me and so on.

  so why do i feel so dreadful and didn't believe her..

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  dezpbem

  Find a point in your conversation where everything felt fine. Then find the point where you started to feel that she didn't like you. What was going through your mind before you felt that way and then when it started?

  Dez
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  11

  Sabotaging one's life...

  by Frog in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i think that if i don't take the time to post this one out of me i may very well implode:(.

  gosh i feel so bloody awful at the moment, and i apologise for laying this on my friends here when i know you all have your own ordeals to deal with.. i've been feeling intensley anxious lately about going home to visit my family at the end of the year.

  there's going to be a bit of a family reunion in my home town, which will mainly consist of my immediate family (my never been baptised brother, my disfellowshipped self, and my fence sitter baptised father) and my uncles family (once an elder of 20years, my aunty, their two 20somethings sons who've never been baptised, and my cousin who like me was diss'd a few or so years ago).

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  dezpbem

  There's no need to add on to what TS said. It's all said already. I couldn't have put it better.

  Dez
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  39

  Do you have an Evil Streak?

  by misspeaches in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  sometimes people do things too me that just rub me up the wrong way... and out comes evil miss peaches....!

  i can't help it... this weird evil side of my personality displays itself.

  for example if i'm in traffic and someone is tailgating me i deliberately slow down to a couple of kms per hour below the speed limit.

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  dezpbem

  The boyfriend is not a nice person. He is agressive. He intimidates my friend with physical force (not hitting her but grabbing her and shaking her.) He yells and screams at us when he doesn't like things. You can't reason with him. He takes illicit drugs and drinks too much and the problem escalates...

  This sounds like a bad situation. Is the lease in your name? Does your roommate want to stay with him? Or get rid of him but is affraid?

  If she wants to get rid of him too then another option is to call the police, tell the situation to them and your landlord, and have them assist you in kicking him out. He won't do anything stupid with them there. If she doesn't want him to leave then I would get rid of both of them . The idea you have about saying your moving out may work. But it sounds like you need to do something. I'm concerned for your friend. Especially if she wants to stay with someone like that.

  As far as "Evil Miss Peaches" and the question on evil streaks goes...

  Everybody has a negative side. Most others would hesitate to call it an "evil streak" because of the negative connotation from the use of the word "evil". I think the way it was worded stops people from admitting their negative side. Everyone has them but they express themselves differently in different personality types.

  I'm curious, are you the type of person who is very giving and helpful to others? The type of person who may be described as a "giver"? Or maybe more of a "thinker"/"observer"?

  Dez
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  21

  Melbourne Cup - I didn't win...

  by misspeaches in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  well while all our american friends are off celebrating halloween in various shapes and forms down under everyone is gathering to watch the biggest horse racing event of the year... .

  the melbourne cup!!!

  well i placed my bets and was very optimistic about them as i had recieved a hot tip.... .

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  dezpbem

  Now that's ironic!