TJ, I'm glad you posted this, as it has been a concern of mine also. I posted this same question on another exJW board, but didn't get very many responses. It's tough when we were raised with 'the rules' regarding sex and now there are no 'rules', so it begs the question: how do we help our kids have a safe, healthy, enjoyable sex life without using religious rules and guilt to try to enforce it? And how do we help them make a good decision about when to have sex for the first time without making 'rules'? The post I made on the other board mentioned the common teaching of Christians: wait until marriage. I was listening to two Christians talking about their sexual experiences, having sex before they were married, etc; they were laughing & talking about it and yet at the same time they teach their kids to wait until marriage. WTF?? Their kids are most likely going to continue the pattern here in middle America: do it behind your parents' backs. That's what they all do and then they get a disease or get knocked up. Everyone teaches it to their kids, but no one actually does it. It's a crazy, hypocritical circle.
I have a 14 year old son (and a younger daughter) and I have worked hard to have an open, honest, 'not-uncomfortable' dialogue about the subject. His dad is still a JW, so I have to counter what I know he's being taught on that side....I do not want him feeling guilt about normal things like masturbation and the desire to look at a naked pic of a woman, and I don't want him to feel that morality='waiting until marriage' to have sex. We've talked about these things often and he knows my views on them, that they are normal and nothing to feel guilty about. I want him to have a healthy, normal view of sex, definitely NOT to wait until marriage to have sex, and have a healthy enjoyable sex life when it happens. But when should it/will it? Obviously, I would prefer it to start when he's closer to adulthood, however I know that ultimately it will be his choice when it happens; it's not something I can control. So, arming him with information and logical thinking is my job. I do (and will do) that, but I also hope that if it happens before the age I think he's ready, he would still feel free to come to me if he needed to. I don't want to come across as arbitrary. Does that make sense? One recommendation I got was to let the kids know that there will always be a supply of condoms, no questions asked, in a certain place at home. Hmmm.... I do want them to be safe and prepared if it happens, yet I don't want to encourage it too early. Any thoughts on this??
Cognizant, thank you so much for your post! Good information! I think it is an excellent idea to tie in their readiness to have sex with the responsibilities involved. I appreciate the suggestions.