Posts by Pwyrdan

47

Suicide or Real Freedom? - My Story As One Of Jehovah's Witnesses

by dubstepped in

"sometimes i think the only thing i could do that wouldn't upset someone would be to kill myself.".

those were the frustrated words of my friend as we stood out in his large yard in the country, just about to enjoy a nice bonfire on a beautiful night.

what was it that could have been a lesser evil than killing himself?

Pwyrdan

Your post is perfect! Very positive. It's easy sometimes to think of my teenage years and the "close" friendships I then had, and miss them. But it has all been worth moving on, and hearing about how you both bravely chose your course and stuck to it is so encouraging.

64

The poor and deprived life of JW children.

by Esse quam videri in

i find it hard to believe that adults on this forum make such a big deal about not celebrating birthdays, x-mas, easter, halloween, etc, etc, etc.

i grew up as a jw kid and it actually made me feel good, being different from the other kids in school.

we went to meetings.

Pwyrdan

I sometimes felt special and better than others for knowing not to celebrate, but sometimes I just soaked up the wonder of the holidays. Like the Christmas tree at the library. I stared at it for a long time. I loved the lights on the houses. I didn't tell anyone, of course. And I was completely torn up when my family had a turkey dinner with the grandparents on or about Thanksgiving, or when we ate "Halloween" candy on Halloween. I thought we were all in danger. It was just so unnecessary - all that fear and weirdness. I love that my kids just enjoy whatever our community is enjoying. I've told my son about some of the origins of holidays and traditions. It just doesn't matter, it's history, a curiosity. The present, our time together and enjoying life and love - that's important. So much of life sucks and can make you want to give up. Why add to the negativity? Especially for kids. My son is already a worrier. He'd have full blown anxiety if we were Witnesses.

47

Since you left, have you become more moral?

by Coded Logic in

respect.

sympathy.

gossip.

Pwyrdan

I see morals in a different way now, but I think I am a better person. I don't cheat on my husband because I love him, respect his feelings, and it would be mean. If I wanted to be with someone else, I'd leave first. He feels the same. I don't steal, because it's lowdown, and I don't want to go to jail. I'd like to be part of what little is good in the world, if I can, but that's just me. I don't tell others what to do or think.

9

Are you still programmed by the borg?

by asilentone in

unfortunately, my answer is yes, it takes time to deprogram everything, probably never to the fullest.

.

Pwyrdan

@ gubberningbody : You're right about a programmed person not being self-reflective, but that moment of "seeing yourself from the outside" doesn't instantly deprogram a person. It's that research and reflection that slowly work out the "kinks" that have been programmed in. I suppose that even after six years I still have reflexive reactions because of how I was raised, but when I see them, I counteract them. I celebrate holidays with a passion, even though I'm not now religious. I say "bless you" every time someone sneezes, and I read all the fantasy novels I want to. The fear of "what will people think" is still there a bit, but I'm working on it.

84

The Great Taboo Discussion---Suicides among former Jehovah's Witnesses

by The wanderer in

jw
friends

the great taboo discussionsuicides among former jehovah's witnesses to write about this discussion neither appeals to me nor does it make me feel comfortable to discuss it.. however, it is necessary to consider in light of all the trauma, negative experiences, and personal traged-.

ies that have happened to individuals on this board.

(what inspired me to write this subject was a bone chilling account .

Pwyrdan

For most of my childhood, the kindness of the Witnesses was a welcome relief from the emotional abuse of my stepdad. From age twelve, though, I was sexually abused, and I think the depression started then. I was determined not to let the abuse change me in any way. Then I decided not to grow up. I kind of didn't.

At age 25, I found myself working full time, so I couldn't pioneer. I was not even able to make ends meet, with no education or marriage prospects or hope of improving my lot at all. I was always closely watched by the elders because I lived alone. The dysthymia I'd suffered from for years spiked when I ran out of my Zoloft and couldn't afford it for a few days. I tried to commit suicide, but fortunately didn't know what I was doing and just missed work and meetings for a week or so. No one called me.

That was about 4 years ago. I left suddenly, soon after, and I'm now married, a mom, and I never dreamed life could hold so many possibilities. The Witnesses offer nothing but empty promises and a present life of oppression and toil. I'm not one who resented the hard work, and I never had doubts until I really started digging, but I was unhappy enough to prefer death to the long wait. I know I'm not the only one.

17

Another Nail in the Coffin of Lies

by Amazing in

jw
friends

the use of 1914 as the start of the last generation and jesus 2nd presence prophecy has been the biggest lie ever told by the watchtower society.

they have perpetrated these false prophecies with malice of forethought, with the deliberate intent of misleading people.

if anyone has doubts, or wonders if maybe, just maybe the society might have been right about the last generation prophecy, one only has to read the newspapers everyday to see continuing evdience of the lie:.

Pwyrdan

I remember that Sunday in 1995 when the Watchtower study introduced the "adjustment" to the meaning of a generation. Most everyone there was confused, and I listened to the conversations afterward. "Does this mean that the Tribulation could be decades or centuries off?" someone asked. "No, we still expect it any time, but the meaning of a Generation has changed, so we can't pinpoint a date. It doesn't change the timetable." I didn't understand the reasoning then, and I don't now. I think that was their plan. You can't properly refute what you aren't sure you heard correctly.

25

Overheard at the S.A.D.: Only Witnesses Understand Eph. 5:28-33

by under_believer in

jw
friends

at our special assembly day, there was a visiting speaker from bethel.

don't remember his name, but he was a humorless and austere gentleman who was very clearly a company man.

he said many questionable things, especially in the way he generalized about "the world" and "worldly ones.

Pwyrdan

About the second part - what's really sad: though plenty of kids probably secretly thought Disney World is far better as a vacation, you know there are a lot who are just as brainwashed as their parents and are torn on what they would pick because they would want to do the "right thing." I was one, as a child, and I've known plenty, most of them really mentally unstable. Not all of the kids are proof against their tactics.