Dear Dave
The way in which I can relate to your posts is the situation of having to face what you truly feel, acting upon it and admitting it to your nearest and dearest, knowing that you may have to face their disappointment or disapproval.
Leaving the JWs, a husband and splitting my son's family up for him, was not a comfortable time for me. Just to clarify, yes I was d/fed but I had made my mind up before the event, and in no way attempted to show repentance for my wrongdoing. It was a time of great upheaval, upset and sadness for all involved.
My background is not dissimilar to yours in that I was raised as a JW, but my parents split when I was 13, and life was quite tough. I will not bore you with all the details, but suffice to say, that on occassion my dad has punched me in the face, held me up against a door and threatened he would shoot us both. This type of behaviour was rare, but did happen and was 'complimented' by a bad temper that raised its head frequently. Other than that he was a charming man, who in the last years of his life, tried to make up for the wrongs he had done to his five kids. It wasnt until the last ten years or so that I recognised these events to be abuse. Its amazing how the brain can deceive you when you love someone.
So as far as having a messed up childhood and having to sort out this crap when your older goes; I know what it can take. Sheer guts, determination and good counsel, with your own big doses of reality checks will help. It is an ongoing battle that becomes easier with time and you will learn to understand yourself more.
I wish you all the best for now and for the future, the fight (with yourself) is worth it.
Fi