Good topic
Now I know why (whithout realising it) my parents actally (un)culcated me ... (too busy and f*cked up from being incultcated in very different ways - one would bow to anything looks holy to her, and the other one about anything devilish and I'm talking about an other religion here = Sorcery) ... I guess I've decided to think for myself since I was a bit over 7 (it was all too freaking crazy).
Posts by RAF
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8The Art of Inculcation
by garybuss ini'm not sure where i got this or who wrote it.
i like it and thought i'd post it for the forum.. *************.
the art of inculcation.
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RAF
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75
Not allowed to sleep over - is that weird?
by collegegirl21 inokay, so my guy and i have been together for 10 months and we usually are ok together.
but there is something that has been getting to me and i think its unusual, but please correct me if i'm wrong - he won't let me sleep over at his house.
and he hardly ever stays at my house, he's maybe stayed here 3 times in our whole relationship.
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RAF
No balance - no real chance ...
you can use the "being away" for a while to see if he misses you ... ok ... But I hope you really do it for yourself regarding to him (to know more about what you really want and can bear on the long run and if he worth it) and not as a way to get what you want (also his parents are not him, and they won't be the one you have to deal with anyway - Do not count on them at all).
I mean I hope for you, that this relationship won't turn around some kind of ultimatums : If you don't give me this you won't have that (that's not a loving attitude - that's control freak attitude whatever reason is involved).
If you are ready to leave, leave - if you can't don't (you'll come back anyway as soon as he calls you and that's when you'll really get traped into this awful game) regarding to your all your needs you might able to give up only when you'll meet someone else or when you will have take too much BS for too long to the point to not being able to bear it anymore. so leave if you are ready - stay if you're not.
Anyway, you won't be able to forget about your needs and if you can't get what you need in this relationship it will only drives you frustrated nor crazy. (how good is that for both of you?).
Also you have to know something ... A frustrated woman don't look good (even if she is beautifful) and is either harder or easier to manipulate ... being free/single can be frustrating (if you are a kind of girl who need to be with someone at any rate) but at least you are open to whatever pleases you.
The reason why most people are frustated is because they are looking for something that they can't get from those they want to get it, or the way they want to get it ... So at some point you have to realised how much being frustated doesn't help you to be able to give up about what you are expecting from the other, or the way you are expecting things form the other one means either in accepting that you won't get what you want, or just forget about that person.
Instead of waiting to know more about him (his reasons) you need to know WHAT YOU REALLY WANT, WHY and if you can get that only from HIM? (but still does it worth it) so it's all about :
How long have you been single in your life? How did you feel when single? (I mean do you need some kind of permanent attachement? Why do you love this guy? (what drives you to him?). Also What's wrong with not having to sleep over for real, when you can have good time together anyway in other ways? WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT that HE CAN'T TAKE and GIVE YOU right NOW for ANY REASON? Can you accept those reasons? how do they affect you?
I mean if you force this guy it won't be about love, this will be about feeling obligated - how do you feel about someone who makes you feel obligated? So where do you think this can lead?
My take is that you are 22 (that's very yound now a days to get into a serious relationship with already such frustration) you might really want or even need to have fun and more experience before to get involved with some kind of insecure controle freak which have such issues which gets so frustrated and feeling insecure because of it).
Take care !
Best wishes -
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Man oh man, Americans; We should have listened to this guy!
by SixofNine inclick: prescient warning on iraq, given in 1994
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RAF
OY !!! ... (interesting)
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32
I'm in love and ... scared !!!
by RAF insorry need to share and to talk about it and maybe in giving me your opinion, talking about your experience, i'll find other ways to deal with it.. .
i just turned 40 (does this have something to do with it) never been scared about the matter ... but now i wonder what kind of love i've really experienced before (any kind of appeals like complicity for instance, the need to share something in particular with someone, the need to give someone some love?
) i dunno for real .... i'm trying to get this out of my head but i can't, i can't, i can't - i'm trying to get interested in other guys but it's just not the same ... and i even wonder how i came to the conclusion that i do love him !!!.
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RAF
... ninja
To be honest by now (and if this goes farther) I don't think I am ready to live with someone I have such involvement with full time ... I'm more for "you stay in your home and I stay in mine" (and maybe even with a kid it could stay this way, I guess it would more depends on the kids needs and his for me to really want to get into this).
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32
I'm in love and ... scared !!!
by RAF insorry need to share and to talk about it and maybe in giving me your opinion, talking about your experience, i'll find other ways to deal with it.. .
i just turned 40 (does this have something to do with it) never been scared about the matter ... but now i wonder what kind of love i've really experienced before (any kind of appeals like complicity for instance, the need to share something in particular with someone, the need to give someone some love?
) i dunno for real .... i'm trying to get this out of my head but i can't, i can't, i can't - i'm trying to get interested in other guys but it's just not the same ... and i even wonder how i came to the conclusion that i do love him !!!.
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RAF
I sure fell that you are romantic and very sensitive in heart Codeblue ... and in fact I'm very romantic too, I mean this is not the first time, I feel good and even in love with someone, but it's the first time I feel very different (maybe because the specific feeling that I have is new).
About myself (being revealed - it will happen) and it is an issue to take into consideration here ... even if I don't think I need to be the most interesting person in the world at all, since I just feel good being myself ... Of course I'm far from being perfect (more over about what a man could expect from a wife), I'm trying to not regress though about what seems really important to me, but this only depends on my personnal values which can change.
If you meet me in real life for only lets say once to 3 times for a few hours you'll only see a quiet or (depending on the context) a kind of childish woman (and somehow I'm really still 12 in many matters in my ways).
So now even if we saw each other way more than 3 times + the phone call (I don't think it's equal as to sharing enough time to have an idea of who I am) I mean he sure doesn't know yet who he is dealing with (as well as I don't know about him) and if he only saw the childish woman in me, that could explain a lot of things.
To be more explicite (in being professionnaly an accountancy expert - that's why we've met) he runs his own every saturday Party club - located on a boat (the one my sister and I are going most often on saturdays since he invited me and that it's close, that we really do appreciate the music and ambiance there).
But what do I do there ? ...Just having fun ... So what he sees the most is probably the childish woman in me. And the funny part of this, is me being sensitive to his ways related to the feeling that it gives me, it's getting me confused to the point I'm probably reacting in a childish way with him (being confused to the point to not find my words on the phone for instance, really, that's not me - What else have I done exactly which looks like that? I don't know).
So ... Maybe he sees a woman that he might be able to mold his way (not really my type - and this is not the kind of man I want) ... if it's related to that dissapointement is on the way ... but at the same time him being able to make me feel good to the point I've considered huge involvements (like marriage and a kid) talks about his potential on being able to get way more than I thought I could give ... but we are not there yet (really NOT).
That said he also have some childish ways and it's cute as hell !!! I can also see and feel a lot of defaults in him but that doesn't bother me at all ... it just looks like part of him ...
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32
I'm in love and ... scared !!!
by RAF insorry need to share and to talk about it and maybe in giving me your opinion, talking about your experience, i'll find other ways to deal with it.. .
i just turned 40 (does this have something to do with it) never been scared about the matter ... but now i wonder what kind of love i've really experienced before (any kind of appeals like complicity for instance, the need to share something in particular with someone, the need to give someone some love?
) i dunno for real .... i'm trying to get this out of my head but i can't, i can't, i can't - i'm trying to get interested in other guys but it's just not the same ... and i even wonder how i came to the conclusion that i do love him !!!.
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RAF
Thank you (((Codeblue)))
I agree with that ... I know being scared won't help
I have to get prepared cause I'm leaving with my sister in a hour or so ... will take my time to answer ... cause you brought an interesting question here ...Love ya
will get in touch with you maybe before ... (If I'm not sleepy when I'll be back tomorrow morning and if you are online)
have nice evening !!!Thanks a lot to those who PM'd me too : Smootches !!!
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34
Shattering the Sacred Myths
by nvrgnbk inenjoy!.
evolutionary metaphysics means to contemplate the existence of the universe in light of the theory of evolution.
natural evolution depends on random mutation, and some people believe this proves that consciousness has no higher purpose.
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RAF
Wow Tetra : Now that was very well balanced !!!
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32
I'm in love and ... scared !!!
by RAF insorry need to share and to talk about it and maybe in giving me your opinion, talking about your experience, i'll find other ways to deal with it.. .
i just turned 40 (does this have something to do with it) never been scared about the matter ... but now i wonder what kind of love i've really experienced before (any kind of appeals like complicity for instance, the need to share something in particular with someone, the need to give someone some love?
) i dunno for real .... i'm trying to get this out of my head but i can't, i can't, i can't - i'm trying to get interested in other guys but it's just not the same ... and i even wonder how i came to the conclusion that i do love him !!!.
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RAF
Changeling :
by all means explore this situation!
Believe me I will ...
He called me yesterday night (he have my phone number since we exchanged our business cards the 10th may - so it took time for him to call) - to tell me he was going on holliday and be back the 25th - he was asking lots of questions too - couldn't find my words I fell like a kid - to the point I fell the need to cut this conversation short saying "have fun, see you the 25th" ... LOL ... I guess I'm messing up here but that's all I could do - so no regrets anyway) ...
About Terry (yeah ... that was truly spiritual)
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25
Adam & Eve question...
by tan inmy young daughter asked this question regarding adam & eve:.
if they were perfect, why did they need to eat from the tree of good and bad anyway?.
we eat to nourish our bodies, we eat to replenish, we eat for energy....they were perfect and would not need those things.. from the mouth of babes.... what's your thoughts....
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RAF
Coaster !!!
Awakened07 : free will? Free!?Well when do people take responsability if it's all free?
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On Faith
by BFD inthis is something that my sister sent me out of the blue.... on faith faith is a state of openness or trust.
to have faith is to trust yourself to the water.
when you swim you don't grab hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown.
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RAF
Yeah ... I like it too !!!