Wow, I was just thinking about you the other day wondering how things were going for you. It's been a long time since you've posted.
I'm sorry that the shite is hitting the fan for you in this way. I don't think we really have any control over how things in this religion happen. Either you play the game or you leave for your own sanity. You have to choose what's more important to you. Your sanity and a happy life or playing the game, and being two faced.
For me I couldn't stand it, couldn't be one way in front of the JW's and parents and myself when I wasn't. The possibility of loosing my family and "friends" that were JW's didn't compare to being miserable and playing the game for them. I left with my infant son and my life has been filled with joys and pains, ups and downs just like anyone else but at least I called the shots for myself. I didn't allow anyone else to dictate for me how to live my life, who to love, who I should have as friends.
My parents eventually came around and at times I wish they would go back to shunning me, their lives are full of drama as usual and I don't have time for it. Now I keep them at arms length and I don't allow anyone to cross my boundaries. To this day if I allow it my mother will try to make me feel ashamed because I'm not serving Joe Hoover, Oh how I let her down, she so wanted me to marry in da troof and be submissive elders wife, blah, blah, blah. My dad feel like a failure becuase as an elder he couldn't keep his own children in line with the JW's (all except two) and it makes him sooo sad. I know it's all bullshite so it doesn't affect me. I do a fine job creating my own drama thank you very much and I don't need anyone else's help.
It may be time to make a stand for who you are and how you wish to live your life. I wish you the best kid.
nj