Posts by saywhat29

14

Witnessing- A women threw Awake back at me due to homosexuals article!

by Witness 007 in

out witnessing a year ago i left the awake in a letterbox since no one was home and i hate missing people and wasting time.

{good witness boy!

} later a women who had been jogging chased me down and returned my magazine.

saywhat29

*struts into the thread and finger snaps*

What is this "acts gay" you speak of?

20

Did I just get lucky?

by noontide in

jw
friends

first off let me apologize for the long post, but i really needed to talk about this.

ive been coming to this site for over a year now.

though i dont post much, i really enjoy the banter here and also enjoy reading about the events in your lives.

You know what this has been an issue for me at times as well. At times I feel guilty because subconsciously I wondered if I was just trying to figure out what was wrong with this organization just so I could do "wrong" a.k.a be gay. Like, it was my intentions of finding out the truth about the" Troof" that made me feel guilty and WANT to believe it again so I could be a 'good person', that I didn't want to be an evil bitter apostate. That I wasn't trying to hurt God or those I loved, I was just trying to figure out why some things didn't feel right, why I couldn't always agree with everything that was said at the meetings or even in the Bible.

Personally I always questioned what was sinful and I've always kept my questions to myself. When i was younger and things didn't feel right I would question... and then brush it off because it was God's organization and I was not Jehovah, and the Organization knew a lot more than I did about things. So I accepted that I was wrong and bad and sinful.

But you know, how you come across said knowledge does not matter- I think its what you do with said knowledge. There ARE people that wanted to "sin" or whatever and I guess you would be included in that. Hell, so would I. Maybe because they feel that what they were doing wasn't really "sinful" or harmful. Maybe they felt that "sin" wasn't real. You, as a young guy dated a lot and had sex and that is 'sinful' outside of marriage. You came across information that proved that everything about the Witnesses aint honky-dory as they make you believe. You have guilt because you now know this inforation that you aren't suppose to know and you are a "fornicator" as well. I can FEEL your guilt and I'm a damn virgin.

What I will say is that you should not feel guilty for coming across the truth- if you feel the need to change to make your life fit better with 'God/Jehovahs' commandments/the bible then that is your choice. You can STILL do that outside of the JWs because JWs do no not have the market cornered on christianity as you were taught to believe. And there are churches- many of them that have members who are Christian, who aren't so strict and have an understanding for people with healthy sex drives. But again that is up to you. But you should not feel ashamed for coming across the information you have because in the end, who isn't a "sinner" in the bible definition or the word? And sometimes I think to our conditionig we automatically think that learning abut the other side is a betrayal and just selfishness when knocking on doors early in the morning, being persecuted for doctrines you don't understand, and going to meetings three times a week just so you can live forever and not die so the God in the sky doesn't hate you, doesn't have a selfish aspect to it as well.

All a matter of perspective.

51

Jesus is bisexual according to the watchtower!

by 5go in

it just hit me 144,000 are married to the jesus christ yet it is made of men and women all kings.

so really he is technically gay.. .

so then why are the witnesses for not for gay marriage?.

saywhat29

Steve2 you are so bad.

But yeah every time I see Jesus pictured in the WT, I always say that he is getting hotter and hotter. Like maybe he's working out, seriously look at him in the past and now. total fox.

I'd hit it.

10

She Said It Again...

by saywhat29 in

she said that if i went out in that world and lived "like that" then she would never see me again.

instead, mine are of what is fantasy and what is reality.

reality is becoming more... "real".

saywhat29

Thanks everybody,

I know my situation is nowhere unique or that different from many gay people and that there are a lot of others who go through the same thing in different groups, but hey, most don't even know or get JWs or the ideology. But you guys do! So.. you must suffer with gay drizama!

Nah seriously, I think the rejection thing is really hard and is such a common thing for folks in our community. But just reading the post here and having folks to support me has been really helpful. And I just wanted to say thanks to folks, to this board.

18

Did you ever play 'WATCHTOWER HOOKY' ?

by AK - Jeff in

long before we 'figured it out', i think we were tiring of the whole routine and demands, though we could not admit such openly, even to each other for the most part.

but i recall occasionally 'oversleeping', and in some cases i had woke early enough but just intentionally let time go by and got up 'running late'.

our family 'tradition' was to stop for breakfast at a local restuarant on the way to the kh.

saywhat29

YES!

I play Hooky all the time. I don't pull the "sick" card anymore because it gets too suspicious after a while, but I will pull the- "Omg, my car isn't working right. OH my God, i almost had an accident!" card all the time.

10

She Said It Again...

by saywhat29 in

she said that if i went out in that world and lived "like that" then she would never see me again.

instead, mine are of what is fantasy and what is reality.

reality is becoming more... "real".

saywhat29

My mom. She said that if I went out in that world and lived "like that" then she would never see me again. "Like that" is what she replaces with gay or homosxual in mixed company because of the shame of a having a child that is not normal by even the world's standards. Before, it used to tear me down; I should be moping about, wondering about being lonely and not having a family anymore. I still do sometimes; I recently went to a wedding of a family friend and seeing the family, through all their problems and situations, how they posed together and the love they all shared. It almost made me sick to think about my family, how if I ever got married to a woman, it would be a lie that would fill them with joy, and if I eevr shared my lie with a guy, they would be nowhere in sight.

Again, last night she said it. "Live like that and I will not be able to deal with you." I used to think that maybe she would try, maybe- after time. Even after hearing some of your stories, I believed my mother -"No, not my mom. She's my friend" -would give me some sort of chance.

I'm starting to actually see reality. I'm starting to see the world a little like she does; stark, hard decisions and conclusions that draws lines down the middle of right and wrong. Instead, mine are of what is fantasy and what is reality. I love fantasy since I live in my head everyday and I romantisize most of the relationships I have, blowing them up to proportions that are far from real. I can't leave the religion doing the same thing that keeps others trapped inside of it. Reality is becoming more... "real". Yeah, that didn't make any sense- what I mean is that reality is becoming what I desire instead of the fantasy- of friends, of family. I can't have the conventional family that my own wants for me with a wife and kids. I don't know, maybe I could, but if I did it would still be the queerest conventional family ever. I can't give them what they want.

I have to give me what I want.

So, I know it is time for me to go. Again, my mother won't deal with a son like that, a son whose not a "real man". My therapist helped show me that she has every right as a human being to do what she wants, to react how she wants. She cannot change me from being gay and I can't change her from being in a anti-gay, void-of-anything-real cult. I know things I'm not suppose to and there is no going back, even if I sometimes wish I could be the good faithful JW son. My therapy has helped me see that I control my world, that I have a degree of control and that this is mine. And more than anything, this is all I have. My life and I want it. If any people still feel low, still feel like they aren't worth anything because their family will or are treating them like scum, then please seek out some counseling. It can't make all the feelings go away and I still and will always feel pain when I lose my own. But you have to speak to someone or else you will be stuck. If you moved on from this cult then move on from the pain because you are worth it.

I need to be stronger, stronger than I am. I will be, eventually. I have no choice since I won't take my life- not for them. I would die for them- any of them, but I cannot live a life that is a lie. That is worst than death. So even if my mom or the rest of my family won't dal with a son "like that", I will because I have to. I am "like that".And I know that I don't believe this cult anymore. I need freedom and that is not something this religion can give you. I'd rather die of AIDS then to live forever in some gardenlike place afraid of thinking and feeling what I want to in fear of the Sky God.

..Besides, have ou seen pictures of the new system? I swear, you can tel there aren't any gay people because all those sister with the big hair and those horrible sun desses from the 50's *shudders* It's like fashion and individuality die in the new system (unless you're a person of color then you get to wear kimonos and african garb all day)

8

When I am weak - then I am weak!

by slimboyfat in

jw
friends

i wonder how others cope with powerlessness?

as a witness i took great comfort from the thought that when i was at my lowest, that is when i could rely on jehovah completely: as in the saying, "when i am weak - then i am powerful!

" but i can't take comfort in that any more because that kind of attitude seems like mere wishful thinking to me now.

saywhat29

Hmm, to me this is all about how you feel and look at the matter- to me not believing in a God has made me feel better than believing in one- and maybe for you trying to not believe in one has led you to great discomfort and unhappiness. Like you seem kinda bitter about now being an unbeliever and that's not how it should be. I think like so many people, you are taught to believe the the WTBS is the ONLY way to god, or that Christianity is all there is when there are many paths to God or a higher being. I mean there is this tone in your writing that assumes that without God, what is there? To me I don't understand that because I see lots of things with or without God, but maybe because I HAVE to in order to be happy and have peace. I think maybe you should regain God or a sense of spirituality in order to find that- and also take comfort in what you DO have.

It is so easy to get caught up in what we don't have. Me? gay kid with a witness family afraid of being shunned, living at home because I'm afraid of losing them. Some days all I can do is dwell on the bad, dwell on the pain I'm one day goig to HAVE to face, dwell on not having the family I once had.

But I wake up (thankful for that, as being a witness has made me appreciate that no day is promised to you), I feel loved even with the restraints and unfair issues surrounding that love, I have people who give a damn about me even if they don't do it the way I want them to, I have a house, I get to practically do whatever I want, Going to school.... there is so much! I can't relate to your physical health concerns at the moment and I'm sorry you're going through them, but I bet if you actually tried to see all the good in your life, even when there is sh*tload of bad, it makes it easier. And sometimes it's the small things that you take for granted- I really enjoy the amount of time I spend with my family even if they are homophobic as hell and get on my last nerve. I appreciate my sister and her issues, my friends, even the mundane things of life.

I think appreciating the mundane little things is what helps beause there will always be uncertainty and pain in life and there's no avoiding it. I think being a JW protected you from something that most adults face early in life, like their mortality. Maybe I'm projecting bcause I went through it to, but I think you are grieving the death of your JWism- and that's okay to. But just know that there is a way out and that you can be happy, that you can be a believer in Christ without ever having to wake up on Saturday mornings and knock on doors or sit through hours of a 3-day convention.

Okay, did a lot of projecting here, lol. End of my rant. I hope you feel better slim.

25

when they ask Where will you go...........the answer

by purplesofa in

jw
friends

yep, everyone i have talked to -----first question they ask----but where will you go?

i tell them anywhere as long as it is away from the clutches of the wt.

the house is on fire!

saywhat29

"Where will I go?"

Well duh. I'm going to Disney World, silly! I'm surprise nobody has ever replied this way.. I think I'll have to one day.

38

There is ONLY ONE True Religion - It's fact

by FlipThis in

jw
friends

there is only one true religion - it's fact.

imagine for a minute, whether you believe in god or not:.

you die.. you meet god.. god says "there is only one true religion on earth today.

saywhat29

I'd want the door Madonna or Janet Jackson chose.

Just sayin'.

111

I REALLY DON'T CARE...............................

by Warlock in

i believe in god, but i also realize he may not exist.. if you don't believe in god, i really don't care, i'm just curious.. i don't have this need to start threads like "why you must believe in god", or other such nonsense, but some of you still have this "control" issue that you thought you left in the org.

it seems like you must still try to control what others think.

"think like me, or you are an idiot.

saywhat29

Hmm, you know I think this is really a matter of atheist/agnostics outnumbering theist or those that still believe in God (and if they don't, then its an issue of them just being more vocal about their feelings) on the board and I guess for some, in lashing out at the Watchtower religion, they may not know that they are lashing out at others who still hold a Judeo-Christian belief system or any system that believes in any God. I know that myself I am slowing sliding into atheism and at times lash out at the beliefs of the JWs or Christianity maybe because is been shoved down my throat so much and at times feel burned by it.

With myself, being a person coming from such a high mind control group, its sometimes easier to toss all of the beliefs away and dismiss them as phony and being gay its really easy to feel... uncomfortable about beliefs that don't fit/damn me, so if I ever have said or will say things that diss the WT or God in general, that's where it comes from. But I don't think people are stupid or crazy for believing in God- and I don't think most here do.

Its just that we've been burned and need to lash out about it.