I have meditated to understand my heart and why it is void of 'thankful'. It reveals that responsibility is what stops me feeling thankful. Responsibility to resolve things my heart took upon itself to help others with but which has been taken out of my control. I am unable to help but still feel the badge stuck to my heart which is so loyal. It is my absolute commitment and loyalty which it finds it hard to let go of till I am no more! It is my enormous trust in others which has seen no equal which has brought me down. It is this which mothers breed into men the world over - along with the men whose mothers did the same - to stand up for your people, for your family, for those you love till your life is on the line. Maybe that is where such a powerful emotion was born - which lets me see myself go down without any care for myself. But it is betrayal that one feels for all that your life stands for when your heart stands for people who you realize do not have those same feelings. Ones who have been conditioned that it is not their place to take up such a stand but to look out for themselves or even to reject family when they see fit or God demands it. Ones who have done very little for you when you did much for them. Ones who see the world only through their own eyes and not the eyes of others as you do so often. Maybe this is it - I am not sure but my heart is feeling this! And I know if it is truth others will know it!
R.Crusoe
JoinedPosts by R.Crusoe
-
26
Happy Thanksgiving! What Do You Feel Thankful For in Your Life ?
by flipper inhello all, and happy thanksgiving wherever you are !
i know other people started threads on this, but you know me, mr. analyze this, analyze that , what do you guys feel personally thankful for in this time in your life ?
lots to be thankful for , to be sure.
-
-
-
18
Are There Similarities With JWs & ExJWs?
by minimus indo you think believe that once a person leaves the organization that they are all that much different from what they were as witnesses?
is there still a "cult mentality" in the exjw community?
are there some that still want to feel "special"?
-
-
R.Crusoe
Many of you have so much insight that it is amazing others can come here and see that all their feelings that have been making them suffer for years on end must exist in thousands of others as well. But there are still some understandable gaps because we are all individuals - gender gaps - age gaps - JW experience gaps from lifetime JW to convert to pub to sister to elders wife to PO etc etc. still exist even though there is this added JW cloud. So each of our journeys through JW land will have been from different angles and only by listening to each other will we see what the differences might be and what common ground exists - and this has been programmed out of us so long it's no wonder some overdo things whilst trying to work out their life balance. But I think most of us have been through that many windmills of our mind that we try to see each others perspective when a regular non-JW would maybe have an ape-shit mind blow-out!
-
26
Happy Thanksgiving! What Do You Feel Thankful For in Your Life ?
by flipper inhello all, and happy thanksgiving wherever you are !
i know other people started threads on this, but you know me, mr. analyze this, analyze that , what do you guys feel personally thankful for in this time in your life ?
lots to be thankful for , to be sure.
-
-
R.Crusoe
It really is a searching question and to be completely honest I spent so much of my life being thankful for next to nothing and being told to do so that now that's the place I've reached - being thankful for nothing. I just don't feel it anymore. What I don't feel is any part of any family - a feeling that was born at 11 and has hovered nearby from time to time but never settled in my life. I gave it my best and that wasn't enough. So I'm done! Whatever occurs does so with a sense of purposelessness which never leaves me. It is because from childhood my thoughts were in tune with those of a man who is now dead, whereas the rest thought like a person who still lives and with whom I have no allegiance. It is like looking back on a JW type psychology before moving into JW proper and then breaking free into a similar zone. From one tunnel into another and I am complete in my emptiness. And all I want is to be completely empty. It is enough! My one regret is that the force within me which was strong to stand up for those I love was taken from me by those whom I once fought long and hard for and so now I am left empty of force or responsibility and seek no where. That will be enough when I arrive!
-
30
Is Smoking the practice of Spiritism?
by freedomfighter inhi guys,.
i was raised as a jw and was baptised when i was 16. i am now 35 and have finally realised that "the truth" is actually the opposite.. my family has a long history of mental illness and i am "lucky" to only suffer deppression and panic attacks.i believe what i was taught as truth has effected me adversely.
e.g " you won't have to go to school son, armageddon will be here before then.
-
-
R.Crusoe
That many things are put down to one bad thing or another in the WTBTS that it piles burdens upon your shoulders greater than you can bear. So my advice is work it out for yourself as to whether God is bothered when another million humans will die in the next week of all sorts of premature disease etc. Have yourself a smoke and go help somebody so you can offset your sin-footprint!
-
24
Those That Hate God For Suffering
by writetoknow inglory in tribulations.
060905 tuesday, september 05, 2006 daily devotional.
by brent riggs .
-
-
R.Crusoe
If suffering takes a person to the point where ones heart becomes a black hole for hatred and judgment and revenge then I understand suffering. If everyone had that heart condition, all these things would be absorbed. Mankind would return evil for evil to no one on an increasingly declining gradient until nirvana was realized. But most are seeking, or being forced into, other avenues! And so those seeking nirvana have more than they can take to absorb which results in occasional explosions or near-permanent weakness. And the weak, throughout history, have been subjected to unprovoked and unexpected attacks which they probably expected, given their knowledge of humanity as a whole.
-
26
Happy Thanksgiving! What Do You Feel Thankful For in Your Life ?
by flipper inhello all, and happy thanksgiving wherever you are !
i know other people started threads on this, but you know me, mr. analyze this, analyze that , what do you guys feel personally thankful for in this time in your life ?
lots to be thankful for , to be sure.
-
-
R.Crusoe
That I no longer consider myself important enough to be loved by a creator and that I feel, in living, as if death is a breath of wind into a happier nonexistence that I am waiting for and can look forward to with every waking hour.
-
18
Are There Similarities With JWs & ExJWs?
by minimus indo you think believe that once a person leaves the organization that they are all that much different from what they were as witnesses?
is there still a "cult mentality" in the exjw community?
are there some that still want to feel "special"?
-
-
R.Crusoe
Judgemental and superior? Are you sure Abandoned? I've learned that regular folks on the street are far more that way than I ever was or will be. And that they think it the opposite and will argue it to be that way almost till you accept that's what you were - more judgemental and superior than them. This is what makes for the antisocial in some of us. Feels like being preached to about the way you were by a crowd of regular folks who think they know exactly how you think and what motivated your heart. Instead of just accepting you and your past as just another 'regular' person trying their best to be that way!
-
26
Watchtower website
by cooler inmy dad was looking and the official watchtower website and he said it has such a truthfull and genine look about it and how i should'nt read the forums because people's opinions on there are misguided and they dont know what their talking about.
has anyone said anything similar to you?
-
-
R.Crusoe
The fundamental psychology of all JWs is to convince you to think for yourself until you get to the point that you agree with them that you shouldn't - then you're ready for baptism. Nothing to do with God really - He's just a catalyst in order to impose upon you a regime. Otherwise you would be encouraged to continue to think freely and explore your spirituality. And God will still be there for those who leave. He aint goin nowhere ( and I know that's a double negative but you'll know how that feels)
-
18
Are There Similarities With JWs & ExJWs?
by minimus indo you think believe that once a person leaves the organization that they are all that much different from what they were as witnesses?
is there still a "cult mentality" in the exjw community?
are there some that still want to feel "special"?
-
-
R.Crusoe
I think if you're a person already on a quest to find a state of nirvana then you will sponge everything JWs feed you that is there for the soaking. In that sense you will become Jesus like in many ways but under a set of regulation which leads to a destroying of ones free thought and esteem because it places a person in conflict with every other system of thought on planet Earth. When one falls into dark places as many inevitably will by virtue of their lamb like demeanor under such a regime, further problems are inevitable. And those dealing with them are far from lamb like in their general outlook on life, irrespective of whether they claim to follow Jesus or not! There will be many victims of their own experiences in a cycle that promotes a personal 'history repeating itself. It is my guess that a large number of souls who fall into JW baptism have been preconditioned by parents/guardians to be lamb like in some core aspect of their psychology to an extreme where personal demise is viewed as acceptable.
-
18
Are There Similarities With JWs & ExJWs?
by minimus indo you think believe that once a person leaves the organization that they are all that much different from what they were as witnesses?
is there still a "cult mentality" in the exjw community?
are there some that still want to feel "special"?
-
-
R.Crusoe
Missed the 'special' element to being a witness. The feeling just never surfaced! So in that respect no. But as respects feeling you think the way you were taught to think - then yes - it's a psychology which entrenches itself in every aspect of your being for years down the line. And safeguarded by a heavy duty filter which only lets in information that can be emptied out at the other end.