Yeah, I've been there.
Sometimes with justification, like wanting to extinguish the fellow attached to the knife in your leg, or hoping your bullets find their mark and his keep wasting themselves if the cover you are behind.
One time just at the end of my first marriage we were laying these and she had crossed the line AGAIN and I remember wanting her dead so bad that I thought I might just roll over and take her stupid neck in my hands and crush it like an aluminum can. Of course, that activated my protective side, anyone who wants to harm my wife must die, and I undeniable wanted her dead, so...
Off the the bathroom with something very very sharp.
The white of the porcelain, the blood, so very red, the nice EMT's working so hard, it's all a blur.
When I got out of the hospital, the temptation had removed herself along with all the money we had and a box of checks she kited all over Iowa.
Side not: funny thing, she had me thinking that everybody else wished me nothing but harm and she was the only one I could count on, but laying there in the hospital, all stitched up, my family came to visit, and she ran off.
Hmm. just interesting is all.
All of this pain is long past now, it amazes me, as if it were someone else.
I mean, my life now is so good I can't imagine I'm the same guy.
Now, I tend to remind myself that Jesus dies as much for the other guy, no matter who he is, as He died for me. Kind of hard to hate someone in that light. Oh, except for HH and DF.
If I HAD to kill someone now, like the intruder in my home that wisely decided to run rather than face a shotgun, I think I might actually feel some regret. That is pleasing to me. I know I can kill if pushed to it, but the regret is something I never thought, back in the day, I could feel.
Just goes to show, we all grow and improve, if we survive long enough.
Roller (of the 'feeling better, staying safe' sheep class)