Field service. You get up at 4:30 or 5:00 in the morning to make it to the Kingdumb Hell at 5:30 in the morning (since that Feb 2004 Kingdumb Misery, they want everyone to meet for street work at this time). A quick discussion of the text, misapplying it to fit the misery, and then prayer and we're off. Do street work until 8:50, screech to the hall, regroup for regular door to door at 9, regroup at 1, and then at 6 PM. Follow this with phone and letter witnessing, and then repeat next day. No satisfaction.
When things are going smoothly, there really is nothing good about service. But occasionally I have found things that were at least enjoyable to a degree. For starters, I liked it when the group would be interrupted by latecomers. Or, better yet, the phone would ring and someone needs to be picked up. Slow egress (needs for bathroom trips, grooming, picking up items, etc.) and confusion about who is going with who is always welcome.
Speaking of that phone call, I would like it even more if we get to the place and the person isn't ready. We might have to waste 15 minutes or more while they get ready. I would like it when their phone would ring and take another half hour more, only to have the mail come and waste even more time before we get out in the ministry proper. The longer the drive to and from the person and/or territory, the better.
Once on our way, I would like it when they would have trouble finding the street. I would shut up and see how long it takes them to find the street where we are supposed to be working, even if I know right away. Nice to waste their gas making them circle several times around a neighborhood looking for a street that I know at once where it is. It also means starting that much later, and fewer doors getting knocked on before quitting time.
Another funny is poor organization. I would like it when the conductor would get to the territory and realize he had forgotten his glasses, medication, or Bible at home or at the Kingdumb Hell and have to pick it up. And those errands where someone has to cash a check (hopefully there is a line of people taking out a jumbo home mortgage ahead of them) were fun time wasters. Then there is gas trips: the more time spent getting gas, the less time I have to spend going to doors.
Of course, we cannot forget those coffee breaks. I would like to see people get a Big Mac attack, and then have to wait 20 minutes in line for it. A simple donut break could run half an hour, and that's time where I didn't have to go to any doors. Whether or not I would need the break (I didn't drink coffee but I might have some orange juice), the time out is always needed so I wouldn't have to knock on those doors.
Calls provide even more fun opportunities. Of course I liked it when they coulnd't find the street or house. I also had fun if the drive was quite long (often, they would have a call out of the territory). And, I would like it if they had every traffic hassle (red lights, construction delays, having trouble finding the place, etc.) only to have the person not at home. A whole hour wasted for nothing.
The weather would provide entertainment that the Watchtower cannot ban. It was fun to watch it start raining when no one was ready. If it was cold, I would sometimes be left alone in the car and have fun steaming up the windows. Then they would have to waste a good 10 minutes clearing them before starting back up. Those warming up breaks were fun--even if I wasn't cold, I would welcome that many fewer doors to knock on. I would have fun letting the heat out of the car so those breaks would last longer. And snow would make parking harder, wasting more time finding a parking space and limiting how many doors we are going to get that day. Besides, I would like it when the wind picked up and people had trouble getting the tracts out without having them blow away.
Once in the territory, I would like to have some rap music blasting from one of the houses. Once someone was blasting the songs Always on Time and Down A** B**** (with the swearing included) where we could hear it on the whole street. Everyone else got a headache on it (they are not supposed to listen to rap, let alone Ja Rule who is an ex-Witless himself). And occasionally, we would get in and find the TV left on The Price is Right. I would get more out of that show than out of the lecture that I was supposed to be paying attention to.
I also liked it when they had a study that they were counting on, and the study is not at home. Or, if I have a call where the person turns not interested (perhaps he clicked onto www.sixscreensofthewatchtower.com or some other Web site, and learned the real truth about the organization's history and structure). When that happens, I would get out of giving another boring BibleWatchtower lecture. And often I would be spared the smoke and having to look at someone that is so ugly that he makes me want to puke, besides the stench and mess of the place.
Emergencies are always welcome. To see someone wet their pants, get stung by a bee, get a flat tire in the ministry, or split a crotch while in service always means time out. And that wastes more time, meaning fewer doors to knock on that day. Anything that limits how many doors we get is welcome. Just don't get me back home even a yoctosecond late!
Service is inherently a drag. But once in a while, something happens to liven it up. Invariably, it is something that wastes door-knocking time or provides a distraction. Of course, the same thing can be accomplished by just not going out in the first place. It is not worth it.
