someone mentioned to me the other day about going door to door back when i was a jw.
"weren't you scared to do something like that, knock on a stranger's door?
actually it's been so long that i had almost forgotten.
[sent me, about 12 years old, and another young girl, about 16 years old, i]
i forgot, how many times in the 80's, when my friends and i were like 10 years old, they'd send us to do a whole territory on our own. i doubt that would happen now, but who knows.
someone mentioned to me the other day about going door to door back when i was a jw.
"weren't you scared to do something like that, knock on a stranger's door?
actually it's been so long that i had almost forgotten.
1. every time i met someone from school when i was out in service. dad was a prick who made me go out every saturday from age 6 - 18. not that i wasn't bought into the 'truth' at the time, i just hated going out in service.
2. i left for about 18 months @ 20, came back and was given a 'love' study, i had a RV on a guy, one time went to his house and his girlfriend turned out to be a girl i dated when i was inactive.
3. i was at the donut shop for coffee break when i saw another girl i dated when i was inactive...i was actually starting to fall in love with her when i had to cut off all 'worldly' ties. she was there and saw me in a suit and asked what i was doing. i teared up and said 'i couldn't talk about it' and walked away.
4. i went out with a brother when i was in high school to one of his business return visits...which happened to be a deli owned by an iranian guy who let all the kids that his daughters knew from high school buy beer from him. we'd be in his place twice a week getting beer. i was found out and reproved later, but my heart thumped in my throat when he introduced me and the owner said, yes, i know him.
so, so, so, so great that part of my life is long over.
teleportation has been invented and proven to work and be safe.
no leaving of limbs in one town while you go to another.
what is more the governments are cracking down on vehicle travel to help slow down climate change.
lunch in los angeles with some friends, afternoon beach hang out w/ jim, dinner in czech republic @ a pub, some film fest or band @ a club in berlin, down to tunisia to rest my hangover in a warm climate, back to san francisco to change clothes,
if linn ullman is availabe for lunch, i'd head over to oslo, dinner with my friend kris in sydney, then hang out w/ him for a while, nurse hangover in bali or indonesia somewhere, then head up to bangkok and lock myself in a hotel to write a bit, then absorb the bangkok scene before heading to turkey for lunch.
after i got all that out of the way, i'd hang in manhatton for a week or so, then hit chicago and minnesota.
i'd probably buy some cheap property in czech republic or mexico, then teleport back to san francisco when i needed to for work and pick up work in other cities as well.
actually wouldn't have to worry about ever buying a house in the usa b/c i'd just buy where the dollar was strong and teleport to work every morning.
yeah, i could live a teleporting existence extremely well.
if you got married while a witness... did any of the elders come to you and talk to you about the right and wrong sexual acts you can perform??
just curious.
.
we eloped since the df phasers were set to kill when i met my wife and fell in love...then some psycho fat pioneer chick who pretended to be my friend for years, but was actually in love with me, tried to break us up via the elders. i only knew my wife for three months and knew enough about her that if i had to go through a messy divorce in two years and get my heart ripped out through my throat, that i wanted it to be by her.
12 years later, psycho fat pioneer chick still talks shit about me and is self righteous like always, and is even married. i was thinking about calling her husband anonymously and begging him to go down on her so she'd forget about me. but it's best not to engage stalker psychos. i can't believe she thought she had a chance with me w/ such a bitter dark heart....and she pretended to be our friend after we were married to use my wife to further her career, which went nowhere b/c psycho stalker has no talent except for making elders think she's righteous. well, she is righteous, she's just not a good person.
so, no, didn't have to. i had been through so many witch hunt committee meetings where i hadn't done anything wrong and the elders were so mean to me for years, just b/c i was good looking and sisters liked me, but i never took advantage of that....i was done, had enough, and would never accept 'loving counsel' from jealous short shit janitors again. would their wives please suck them off to get their minds off of me? it would make the world a better place.
just closed your eyes, threw a dart at the world map, and would have to take the 10 million, get on a plane within the hour, move to that location, and never look back, contact your friends or relatives again.
no rule changes.
you can take your mate and/or minor children, but can tell no one else.
sure, but what i'd do with the money would be too public that my old friends and fam would figure out where i was in time.
literary and film interests, those sort of things get into newspapers, with your photo, especially when you're throwing money at things.
to just live the "high life", no. it would have to be used for the arts.
i interviewed an author yesterday who is working on a novel about people who win the lottery and in her research, she told me that people who win millions of dollars and aren't educated or schooled in how to handle money have an excessively high suicide rate.
unfortunately, that's b/c those people work dead end jobs and think money is the answer.....the problem is they haven't found the joy of life already and aren't doing what inspires them, they aren't doing what they'd do anyway if they had 10 million bucks.....too many people have limited dreams and imagination.
this hasn't happened to me in a very long time.
i was in the kitchen fixing dinner for the kids not really thinking about anything other than dinner..then bamm i was overwhelmed with a panic feel and very bad thoughts that i'd rather not discuss.
i dropped what i was doing and went into zach's room just to get a bit of peace and recollect myself.
i suffer from anxiety attacks, and actually there are times when my only exercise is a good panic attack.
i can't remember what book i read it in, but it's very common that people who suffer from anxiety attacks were brought up in a strict religious home.
i was good for a while, then a few months ago, i started to really lose it again, and my world shrunk and now, while i'm better, it still takes xanax for me to get across town to see my therapist....and, i do interviews in downtown high rise hotels as part of my living, there are times i need to bring someone along so i can be stoned on xanax enough to get through the interview and have someone else drive in case things get bad.
anyway, i feel your pain. anxiety sucks. i'm working hard to get over it....there is added pressure b/c of a project that i'm working on that i'll be able to discuss more in these forums later.
one of my favorite metallica song.
"spineless from the start, sucked into the part.
circus comes to town, you play the lead clown.
perfect song. i put it in my top 10 on that other thread.
i periodically played metallica when i was a college dj but was more into punk at the time...there was always that punk / thrash scene that seemed separate. i have so much respect for metallica after seeing 'some kind of monster'. well, i always had respect b/c they could sell records w/o air play and mtv, who jumped on the bandwagon after metallica was successful. the napster thing, lars really lost a lot of cred for them.
anyway, wish i wasn't the elitist teen punk i was when metallica was playing smaller shows and didn't realize until recently how great 'master of puppets' is.
we all know that once this happens it will ring a loud cry from the wts to how it is "growing".
when do you think this will happen?
["soft" inactives (that is, those who have drifted away and still haven't turned apostate or started doing things for which they could get disfellowshipped for). ] their numbers don't count inactive publishers, right? i mean those of us inactive for years, they count publishers even if they're not baptized wits if i remember....so actively in service, at least one month of the year gets in, but otherwise not.
correct me if i'm wrong, i'm curious.
so i posted a while back about my marriage problems.... whole new gambit thrown into the mix.
i've had suspicions all along that something like this might be happening... but only just not confirmed that she's been cheating on me... with another jw that she works with!
she could have been more discreet about it rather than leave all the text messages on her phone.
i'm sorry about the situation, that really sucks.
it's a blessing that it happened two years into your marriage....i've seen it happen 20 years, and that's messy.
your decision to leave is a good one.
because i still want my family to speak to me, i decided to fade.
it was quite easy to do, i dont live near them so there was problem with meetings and field service.. the problem now is , after 3 years of fading, it having quite a detrimental effect on me.
i have said things to my family about the child abuse stuff , lack of love that sort of thing and they realize i dont go to meetings anymore but because i just cant leave it alone or keep my mouth shut, i end up talking about the org to them when i promise my self not to.
i know your feelings. i just stay off the subject w/ my family that's still in deep.
fortunately, my dad was an elder for nine years and has been out for about 15 years, so we have some pretty deep discussions and he gives me the low down on the bad shit that happened in the back room during his tenure.
actually, with my family still in deep, i probably see them once every two years.
sometimes, processing all this crap we've been through, there are times to take a break from it and throw yourself a curveball, like take acting classes or something...anything you're passionate about that's positive....not to completely deny getting over this stuff, but for me, sometimes i just need a jw brain break.
and, really sucks b/c the novel i'm trying to sell is jw themed, so the rewrites are really draining and i've been on this project for two years. it's to the point when i work on it, i sleep about 12-13 hours a night b/c it's emotional right now.
good luck, i have no advice b/c i know the feeling of just wanting to shake it out of 'em.
