Posts by firefly

74

my JW boyfriend wants reinstatement. What do i do

by worldly girl81 in

for the past 5 months i have been in a wonderful relationship.

he and i had started out as friends a few years ago, but realized that we were attracted to each other while he was going through his divorce earlier this year.

he and his now ex wife are both jws .

firefly

sixofnine, you're entitled to your opinion but i don't know what i've said to cause you to want to label me as a "troll". I"m a good and decent woman who unfortunately was taken for a horrible emotional ride by someone that i thought loved me. Heck, i had not even wanted a relationship, but he pursued me until i gave him a chance. My only mistake was that i ended up falling for him.

74

my JW boyfriend wants reinstatement. What do i do

by worldly girl81 in

for the past 5 months i have been in a wonderful relationship.

he and i had started out as friends a few years ago, but realized that we were attracted to each other while he was going through his divorce earlier this year.

he and his now ex wife are both jws .

firefly

Hi sixofnine. in reply to your last statement,

I had honestly thought that i was going to spend the rest of my life with my ex bf. I've always believed that a husband and wife should have a shared belief. I was born and raised as a Baptist, but had loved him so much that i thought that changing my religious affiliation would be no big deal. I had no idea just how different the beliefs actually were until i started researching.

74

my JW boyfriend wants reinstatement. What do i do

by worldly girl81 in

for the past 5 months i have been in a wonderful relationship.

he and i had started out as friends a few years ago, but realized that we were attracted to each other while he was going through his divorce earlier this year.

he and his now ex wife are both jws .

firefly

Her knowing the terminology may not mean much. Heck i know it myself. I can't begin to tell you how much time i put into researching this religion to try to be able to keep my ex boyfriend. At one time i actually even considered joining just so i wouldn't lose him. Thank GOD that never happened!!!

74

my JW boyfriend wants reinstatement. What do i do

by worldly girl81 in

for the past 5 months i have been in a wonderful relationship.

he and i had started out as friends a few years ago, but realized that we were attracted to each other while he was going through his divorce earlier this year.

he and his now ex wife are both jws .

firefly

actually Gopher, from what i've read, he went from his wife to a live in girlfriend, back to his wife, then ANOTHER girlfriend, then back to the wife and now to worldly girl, and he claims he's loved her the whole time. I'm seeing BIG red flags all over the place here!!

74

my JW boyfriend wants reinstatement. What do i do

by worldly girl81 in

for the past 5 months i have been in a wonderful relationship.

he and i had started out as friends a few years ago, but realized that we were attracted to each other while he was going through his divorce earlier this year.

he and his now ex wife are both jws .

firefly

hi there. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I myself have been in the same situation. I've never been a jw, but was in a year long relationship with a df'd witness. He told me how very much in love with me he was and wanted to be able to marry me. He too is a 2ng gen. jw and has a young child with his ex wife. To make a very long story short, after a lot of flip flopping between his love for me and his loyalty to the jws, the jws ended up winning and my heart was shattered.

My advice is to please get out of this relationship. You're fooling yourself on a couple of different levels. first of all he started seeing you a month into his divorce which sounds like he's rebounding to me, and secondly if he's wanting reinstatement then he will most likely let you go anyway. Do yourself and your daughter a favor and cut your losses with this guy. you will be much better off.

Good luck to you

31

I know for her it is complicated

by oblivious in

"my girlfriend was raised jw she was'nt allowed to use the phone, and was brought up very strict to say the least.

she has a 4 year old daughter, and recently moved back home with her family were she lives in their living room.

she can't call me and our only communication is through emails, when she can sneak to the computer.

firefly

I'm so sorry for what you are going through, but let me say that as hard as it may be, you may have to just let this woman go.

I was, up until recently involved in a serious relationship with a second generation witness (i myself am of the baptist faith). he was disfellowshipped shortly before we met, and His family and the church elders put a great deal of pressure on him to break off his relationship with me. I was very much in love with him and had grown to love his 5 year old son, but the inner turmoil that my ex was being put through caused him to end things with me and leaving my heart shattered.

If you would stay with her it would never get any easier. You would most likely never be accepted by her family and she would be living with a great deal of guilt and constantly struggle between her feelings for you and her association with the JW's. From what i've ever read, the JW's usually end up winning.

I really think that there should be a support site for us "wordly" people who either are or have been in relationships with JW's. There seem to be so many of us and the situations never seem to be good ones.

I wish you the very best of luck in whatever you decide to do.

2

hi all, just an update on my JW ex BF

by firefly in

hey everyone.

i just wanted to give an update on whats been happening with my ex beau.

anyone who dosen't know the story so far should read my post "i don't understand this man".

firefly

hey everyone. i just wanted to give an update on whats been happening with my ex beau. Anyone who dosen't know the story so far should read my post "i don't understand this man"

well, apparantly my ex was disfellowshipped. I'm guessing it has a lot to do with me. since then from what i've been told he's been sleeping over a lot at his new gf's place. she shares her home with her 6 year old daughter and with with two friends that help share the bills. unfortunately she and her two roomies are big into recreational drug use. I don't know if my ex has been using, but i know that it goes against everything that both he and i thought to be right and responsible. I don't claim to be the worlds best person, but i can't believe that he would want to be with someone like that, especially having a 5 year old son that spends time around her.

His reasoning for breaking things off with me was to supposedly get back in good standing in his congregation and be a spiritual guide for his son. So what does he do, he starts seeing someone who's standards of conduct are lower than mine could ever be. I really feel sorry for him, but i especially feel bad for his son. He deserves so much better than that. I guess all i can do is pray for him in the hopes that he's not on a path of self destruction.

All i know is that if he felt guilty for being with me, i can only imagine the inner turmoil that he's going through right now in being with her!

12

i don't understand this man

by firefly in

this is my first time on this forum, but i need some input on a really confusing situation and i thought that this would be the best place to get it.

this is a long story, but there is much that needs to be explained and i really need to get this off my chest.. in dec. of 2005 i was a regular at an 80's dance club.

i would go there on weekends not to meet or go home with anyone, but just to hang out with friends and dance (dancing is among my favorite of hobbies).

firefly

thank you so much Mr. Flipper (i love the picture by the way). your reply made me cry. i'm so glad to know that i didn't do anything wrong. i was so good to him and thought he really loved me. i'm going to concentrate on healing myself emotionally before i think of dating again (i wouldn't want to risk anyone being a rebound for me). My now ex-husband has been a real support for me as have my friends. God bless you for helping me understand.

12

i don't understand this man

by firefly in

this is my first time on this forum, but i need some input on a really confusing situation and i thought that this would be the best place to get it.

this is a long story, but there is much that needs to be explained and i really need to get this off my chest.. in dec. of 2005 i was a regular at an 80's dance club.

i would go there on weekends not to meet or go home with anyone, but just to hang out with friends and dance (dancing is among my favorite of hobbies).

firefly

sorry about that. i was trying so hard to get out everything i wanted to say that i wasn't even thinking about my formatting.

12

i don't understand this man

by firefly in

this is my first time on this forum, but i need some input on a really confusing situation and i thought that this would be the best place to get it.

this is a long story, but there is much that needs to be explained and i really need to get this off my chest.. in dec. of 2005 i was a regular at an 80's dance club.

i would go there on weekends not to meet or go home with anyone, but just to hang out with friends and dance (dancing is among my favorite of hobbies).

firefly

this is my first time on this forum, but i need some input on a really confusing situation and i thought that this would be the best place to get it. this is a long story, but there is much that needs to be explained and i really need to get this off my chest.

in Dec. of 2005 i was a regular at an 80's dance club. i would go there on weekends not to meet or go home with anyone, but just to hang out with friends and dance (dancing is among my favorite of hobbies). one night a young man came in and seemed to take almost immediate notice of me. we made small talk but that was as far as it went. the very next night he came back hoping i would be there. again we talked but nothing else. the next week he was back again and i jokingly told him that if he came back the next night i would have to give him my number. well sure enough he was there the following evening looking for me. it was new years eve. he told me that he didn't celebrate new years (at that time i didn't know why) but really wanted my number and so i gave it to him. we talked for a while after the club closed and realized that we were both in a very unique situation. we were both seperated from our spouses but still living with them as roomates, me for financial reasons and he because of his young son. he told me that he was born and raised as a JW and that was how he met his wife. she was a sister in his congregation. she was 8 years older than him and he married her feeling that was what he was supposed to do. they had been married 12 years and had never really been emotionally close to each other and over the years she had grown cold toward him. well probably against my better judgement we started dating. it didn't take long for the relationship to become serious and for us to fall in love. he treated me like a queen and made love to me in a way that i had only ever imagined. we started spending more and more time together and he started talking marriage. according to him i was everything that he ever wanted. something however was not right. he had met my family and spent time getting to know them. he had become a part of my world. on the other hand i felt that he had two seperate lives. one that involved me and one that i was no part of. i never met any of his family other than one of his brothers. after 9 months he started to get more distant and seemed to pull away. although he told me that it was the hardest thing he'd ever have to do he broke up with me. he said that even though he loved me and wanted me, he to be a better father to his son and get back in good standing in his congregation. i was heartbroken but knew i had to let him go. 2 months later he started coming around the club again. he had missed me and wanted to spend time with me. he wanted to divorce to be free to be with me but didn't want to ask me to wait for him. after 3 more months with me his wife decided to file for divorce on the grounds of infidelity. suddenly he felt that he needed to try to do the right thing and save his marriage. he wanted to do right in Gods eyes and be a positive image for his son. again my heart was broken. 3 months passed during which we spoke on occasion but didn't see each other. in April he surprised me by coming to the club to see me. he and his wife were unable to reconcile and divorce proceedings were to start at the end of April. he was confused and was afraid of the change about to take place. He started talking about how he knew that it was not right to be with me but that i made him want me which was very hard for him. he talked about the paradise on earth that he wanted to see and that he would have to make himself get over me. i didn't see him again until mid June at which time he dropped a bomb on me. He had moved into his own place at the end of April when the Divorce started and by mid May he had fallen in love with his best female friend that he had only ever thought of as a sister and was dating her (she, like me is not a JW). he told me that it had taken him by surprise but that he was very happy. he also told me that he didn't think that he and i could be friends because i still had feelings for him and since he had a girlfriend thought it would be best for us to not contact each other anymore. i was left in a total state of shock and became an emotional wreck to the point of having to be put on antidepressants. I had loved him so much. i guess what i want to know is why, knowing the guilt he felt being with a "worldly" girl like me and knowing the pain and heartache that i went through, would he less than a month into his divorce start seeing another "worldly" girl and talking about how in love and happy he is with her knowing that being with her is against all of his beliefs? Does he not care that he is going to cause another woman heartache and pain? She is a young single mother of a 6 year old girl and i know that she won't convert to being a witness. Why would he play with other peoples emotions that way, loving someone so much and then suddenly not loving them anymore? When i first started seeing him i told a friend of mine about him being a witness. my friend told me point blank to get out quick! i wish now that i had listened.

I know that this was a long story and i thank any of you who made it through to the end of it. i feel a bit better just typing it all down. i just need help in trying to understand. any insight i get is greatly appreciated.