my disfellowshipping
as with anyone associated with jehovahs witnesses the worst possible news anyone can have is being df.
it means a loss of everyone and everything you have known all your life.
Thanks for what you have done, Bill. It's gut-wrenching stuff being df'd and even though you are kept busy by your hard work pushing the issue you will be going through private moments of hell. Well we understand and are here for you just like you've been there for all those victims of abuse.
Free
ps I couldn't help but laugh out loud at the singing bit as well
as most of you already know, the jehovah's witnesses are covering an article in their august kingdom ministry to be discussed the weeks of 8/19 and 8/26 which details how they are to shun and avoid those who are no longer members of their organization, even immediate family members.. .
undoubtedly this article has been written to reinforce to the rank&file jehovah's witnesses the shunning policy, so as to tighten the ranks and prevent members from having the opportunity to learn the abundant contradictions and hypocrisies found within watchtower doctrine and practice from any who may have left.. this policy also serves to divide families and attempt to shame or abuse those whom have chosen to no longer be jehovah's witnesses, for whatever reason.. that much is obvious.
in recent days this topic has been discussed in detail in various threads.
I will never forget a visit I got from 2 elders to counsel me regarding my association with my brother.
He was only 19, had married and had a baby and responsibility wasn't sitting well on his shoulders. So he went off the rails and was disfellowshipped. We had always been close having been through a lot so naturally he turned to me. And naturally I didn't turn him away. He stayed at my flat in a terrible depression which culminated in him taking an overdose. The loving elders couldn't get to my door quick enough when they heard he was sleeping at my place.
So I'm explaining that my brother is very low and could take his life and I'm choking back the tears...
What kindly advice did the elders give? Exact words were 'you have to tell him he cannot step over your doorstep.'
HE CANNOT STEP OVER MY DOORSTEP.
So what did I do? I'd like to say I told them where to stuff their counsel but I didn't. Instead I waited for my brother to turn up and we ended up having a massive row and I told him to go and not to step over my doorstep again.. I really believed it was Jehovah's will.
I'll never forgive myself and deep down ,although he says it's ok,15 years on my brother won't forgive me either. I kicked him when he was down...but hey I did it for Jehovah.
Shunning is a terrible policy.
Of course I'm on the receiving end now with a lot of family I don't see anymore and who scuttle past me like they've a rocket up it!! My mum used to adhere strictly to the WT stance and I never saw her for a long time but recently we have got very close so I'm concerned this KM thing is going to force her into a corner again. The WT has caused enough damage in our family.
My heart goes out to everyone who hurts because they are shunned and hurts because they live with the guilt of being a shunner.
Free
when i first came here i was happy to find a place where i could laugh, get pissed off or just speak my mind on a subject.the people i have met here are some of the most,kind,careing,informative,helpfull souls.
i couldn`t have asked for a better group to be involved with.i do not always agree with my board mates.even with the ones who piss me off,there is still a comradeship(yk comes to mind,lol).finding this board has taught me one important thing.we are not alone,we have each other...outlaw
Has it changed me?
More than I could ever have imagined.
I've been out 11 years and about 8 years ago my bruv got a pc and started handing me long print-outs on Mexico/Malawi, blood etc. I was shocked and really thrown. Still got the Armageddon nightmares though. Then last May (2001) I got my own pc and started really learning EVERYTHING. I joined this forum and it was mind-blowing. I sat up all night reading posts from when Simon started it. I couldn't bear to miss anything.
It was a weird process letting go of your whole belief system and coming to terms with a future without answers. I felt angry, bitter, sad and disillusioned, especially when things got nasty in here sometimes . I had to mourn losing my religion all over again.
Now I feel healed and happy. I've let go and it feels GREAT. I want to shout from the rooftops. I want to blurt it all out when I get shunned by "friends" who think I really care and must be secretly aching to go back. I enjoy the confusion in their faces when I am happy and smiling looking directly at them instead of dropping my eyes in some sort of misplaced respect. I used to feel sorry for myself- now I feel sorry for them.
I still haven't found any spiritual answers. Don't need them. I'm happy just to live and get on with it. With the odd drop in to keep my fingers on the pulse so I can keep up the gentle work with a close relative still in.
Free (phew)
so how many here were pioneers?
ha ha ha.
i used up my teenage years pioneering, good thing i didn't go to college or university i could be well educated and in a good job.poo.
Regular Auxiliary straight from school because there wasn't an option unless you wanted to be classed as weak. Our elders made no bones about education being a no-no and I don't know one youngster who dared to defy them in the 20 years I attended.
So it was a shock to us pioneering pals when we started associating occasionally with our peer group in another city...they were all busy studying for A-levels and degrees with future careers all planned and a perfectly healthy attitude to weekend witnessing and doing their bit informally - hey how else could those worldly students get witnessed to? I was pretty gutted but still too scared to just do it so I carried on pioneering till I couldn't stand it anymore.
I must say though I enjoyed those times very much and we had a close, happy gang. Everyone was genuine even if the hours got fiddled a bit with 10 mile hikes between RV's and slotting a sample mag in a neighbours door before setting off for the group..
The one thing I regret is the attitude we had to other youngsters who went into FT work..we showed our disapproval by excluding them from outings and get-togethers considering them worldly. Who did we think we were?? One of my best friends to this day is one of those girls and I know she had a real hard time trying to associate socially with her own age and was pretty lonely.SORRY.
Free
Edited by - Free2bme on 31 July 2002 18:57:18
the congregation was always being told to root out any person who was engaged in wrongdoing.
if it was a best friend or even a family member, you were to inform the elders so that they could look into the matter and investigate any possible sin.
the elders pretty much told the brothers that those knowing of a sin and not reporting it were as guilty as the person that actually sinned!
Sadly I did.
I must have come across as a perfect ratter cos not once but TWICE I was approached by friends with sex confessions who asked me to tell the elders so they could get out of the religion. It was agonising for me - especially the shunning shit I did later.
I even ratted on myself once. I went to an elder to confess to SWEARING for ***** sake LOL.
Got ratted on for getting drunk on a Spanish holiday...well we all did practically every night. Had to have a private counselling session in a bedroom/study alone with an elder well into perving at young women...that was real weird.
The ratting leading to my JC was not a surprise. A word of advice..if you decide to launch into a sexual relationship and let the guy move in then moving next door to an elder's family isn't wise.
Free
last night at meeting they told us to just use our blood cards from last year.
in the past they've always told us how important it was to get it signed every year so that people could see our current views as jw's.....doesn't this new arangement negate everything they've ever said in regards to this?
absolutely nuts!.
SexyTeen & Dim
Seems the official lie oops line is that there is a printing error as told at my mum's meeting here in the UK.
It is incredibly naive of anyone to seriously believe that a printing hiccup could disrupt the well-laid plans of a huge PRINTING company like the WTBS.
Ballistic
Imagine the thousands of family members in the same position as yourself if the society relaxed it's blood policy. The shit will literally hit the fan. Rightly so. They know that and they are in knots.
They are going to get sued big-style and we all know that's where it hurts them the most.
Free
did you ever really believe armaggedon was just about to happen?.
maybe to such a degree that you were scared or made major changes in your life?.
i'm not old enought to remmeber 1975 but with the gulf war a lot of people got scared and believed the end was coming ( including me).. werent we doing the revelation book at the time?.
Yes I certainly did.
There was never any doubt in my mind even after I left - which is probably why I had some pretty gruesome nightmares about being crushed to death by tumbling boulders.
I still get the odd twinge of 'What if...'
Usually on stormy nights.
Hey, I was brainwashed for 20 years..
Free
now tell me why i believed this crap for so long?
i feel like kicking my own ass!!!
the truth (as i see it).
Wow
What a great summary !!
I'm going to save it to show my mum who is a dissillusioned JW.
Thanks
Free
for all who have, are, or will be shunned (which should pretty much be all of us), do you still have a deep love for those who now shun you...now, not familial love, but an active love that yearns for that person's companionship?.
i have several regrets; one of them is the friends that i've lost.
how about you guys?.
Good topic.
I've been on the shun list for over 10 years and found it easier 'cause I moved to the other side of the city and avoid accidental meetings.
Remembering how it felt to be the shunner I have to say it's a lot less stressful to be the shunned one. I actually feel sorry for them usually.
In my congregation a certain elder had to counsel me (yes, little me!!) once or twice and was my group study conductor for a while. He recently came into where I work with his wife for some advice and had to be dealt with by yours truly. There was an initial awkward moment and I sensed they wanted to flee right back out of the door but eventually they calmed down and we chatted about family stuff and this and that and it was all very friendly and civil. After they had gone I thought to myself I could easily walk into them in a few minutes outside work and despite our cheery chatter they would be obliged to ignore me. Imagine what my colleagues at work would make of that? Sad and bizarre.
Do I love my old friends? Some but not all. Bit like when I was a witness. I miss my best friend and her hubby and wish I could talk to her and appeal to her intelligence. I miss the old gang I grew up with.
I have to add though that on the odd occasion I have seen an old witness friend they have usually said 'hello' and smiled sadly as they passed. I was harsher than that myself when one of my friends was DF'd and I cut her dead believing I was doing it for Jehovah.
Free
if you are an ex-jw, how do you rate yourself as a jw opponent?.
are you totally live and let live?
maybe happy to chat to someone who has doubts?
Englishman
Good question...and it made me stop and think. I am held back from being more active because my mum is a JW going through major doubts and realisations and she has asked me to 'keep my head down' while she decides what to do. You can imagine the outrage if it became common knowledge I was an 'apostate' !!!!!
So if I had the freedom to go for it and make waves would I?
Half of me murmers 'no they stole my childhood' they raped my teens' they abused my early adulthood...why should they keep on ruining my life'.
On the other hand..
I'd like to start a campaign the elders in my area would never forget and try and open the eyes of just a few of those bleating sheep.
When the day arrives my mum relaxes her restrictions I hope she will join me in the latter course. But until the label 'apostate' ceases to be worse than rapist, murderer or even paedophile in JW eyes I just can't see my mum daring to 'come out'.
I can't blame her. After 10 years disfellowshipped I still cringe at the word. That's how much fear they instilled in me.
Free
