I was really saddened when I opened some emails from some friends who are still JW's here in Peru and they were asking to help our "brothers and sisters" in the affected earthquake areas...I just thought to myself, wouldn't it be great if they just tried to help whoever needed without paying attention to whether they are witnesses or not??? Anyways, I'm glad that you brought that up. And it's so true about how witnesses pat themselves on the back for doing these things, but isn't it just as biased as only helping the whites, or the jews, or the blacks, or asians....I mean it is bigotry..plain and simple....
mentalclearness
JoinedPosts by mentalclearness
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78
We are free to love
by purplesofa inwhat i have noticed since pulling away from group thinking, mindsets, rules and superstitions, that i am open to a broader range of loving people.. i am not sure i can blame all this on the jw expericance.
as children we are taught from our tribe, (family and enviroment, church, school, extended family, neighborhood..........who to love and who not to love.
i used to believe as the witnesses taught, you have to "beat" the evil out of children.. have you ever watched a group of small children unattended?
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58
I just don't understand
by ttc99wilson inmy wife and i have been married for 8 years and we have 2 boys (8 and 3).
we are both unbaptized publishers and a few weeks ago she told me that she couldn't me married to me anymore and that she wanted her freedom and independence.
now we are pretty much separated and she has been pushing for divorce, she stays and home about 2 nights a week and the other nights she stays somewhere and doesn't tell me where.
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mentalclearness
I'm going through a divorce as well..I have three kids...My husband had the same avoidance symptoms as your wife...not wanting to spend any family time together..not wanting to go to meetings or go to elders for help..turns out he had cheated on me..was going out with friends from work and getting drunk and had some "encounters"...
At first it was really difficult...mostly because of the betrayal..I was married more than nine years..He was my friend and I would have preferred he just would have left and been honest instead of being disloyal and then fessing up..he did eventually and got publicly reproved, but hasn't been back to a meeting since...
in my case he wanted to get back together..he hadn't fallen inlove or anything..but i really couldn't imagine ever trusting him again..and all i could see was a future of misery next to him...now, we actually have a good relationship..i get along better with him now than i ever did married to him..go figure...
damage control for the kids is the key here..try to keep things controlled for the kids sake...and they need a strong father to look up to..you can't break down...they will need you...I'm so sorry this is happening to you..I really do know how painful it is..but someone once gave me some really good advice..they told me that sometimes you have an idea of how you will be happy...but circumstances change and you might be happier in a different scenario than you thought...
I am much happier now than i ever was married..sad but true...but if you would have told me that a a few years ago i would not have believed you...
be strong hun!!!!
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58
I just don't understand
by ttc99wilson inmy wife and i have been married for 8 years and we have 2 boys (8 and 3).
we are both unbaptized publishers and a few weeks ago she told me that she couldn't me married to me anymore and that she wanted her freedom and independence.
now we are pretty much separated and she has been pushing for divorce, she stays and home about 2 nights a week and the other nights she stays somewhere and doesn't tell me where.
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mentalclearness
I'm going through a divorce as well..I have three kids...My husband had the same avoidance symptoms as your wife...not wanting to spend any family time together..not wanting to go to meetings or go to elders for help..turns out he had cheated on me..was going out with friends from work and getting drunk and had some "encounters"...
At first it was really difficult...mostly because of the betrayal..I was married more than nine years..He was my friend and I would have preferred he just would have left and been honest instead of being disloyal and then fessing up..he did eventually and got publicly reproved, but hasn't been back to a meeting since...
in my case he wanted to get back together..he hadn't fallen inlove or anything..but i really couldn't imagine ever trusting him again..and all i could see was a future of misery next to him...now, we actually have a good relationship..i get along better with him now than i ever did married to him..go figure...
damage control for the kids is the key here..try to keep things controlled for the kids sake...and they need a strong father to look up to..you can't break down...they will need you...I'm so sorry this is happening to you..I really do know how painful it is..but someone once gave me some really good advice..they told me that sometimes you have an idea of how you will be happy...but circumstances change and you might be happier in a different scenario than you thought...
I am much happier now than i ever was married..sad but true...but if you would have told me that a a few years ago i would not have believed you...
be strong hun!!!!
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Is it SABOTAGE or HONESTY
by BCberean ini think i just lost another man because of the 'sex within the confines of marriage' issue.. my sister said i should wait til i have them hooked before i make it clear where i stand.. doesn't seem quite honest to me......but....i'm wondering if i'm somehow sabotaging the relationship.. .
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mentalclearness
I think their are some "straight edge" christian groups who also have those same viewpoints..although i think there are some loopholes..LOL!!
I think very very few men will wait till marraige to have sex...maybe you could wait till you really feel inlove with the guy...give him at least some hope for goodness sake!!!
and i personally think there is nothing wrong with "making love" not just having sex with someone who you love...it's a really beautiful thing where he and you can express yourselves in a more intimate way..it brings you closer together..maybe you should kind of rethink how you think about sex..it's about the intimacy...it's not just this physical primitive thing...
if he cares for you you can both go at a slow pace...but i wouldn't say such a cut and dry statement as you're waiting till marraige..you might change your mind as you get closer to him....
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has any1 been left with other issues(alchohol,drugs etc)as a result of life
by xnmad ini,m not making xcuses for the way ive lived my life, but have sunk myself into "the pleasures of this world"quite wholeheartedly.
mostly to escape my own demons, ironicaly due to serving god!just wondered if any of u guys went completely off the rails when u left n indulged in "unwholesome activies" like me.or maybe its jus me that ended up completely f**d up?
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mentalclearness
the first time i became inactive was at 19..and basically i was living by myself and far from family so i did a little experimenting with everything...i had already smoked pot and done acid as an adolescent but of course it escalated to cocaine...and i mean everyone around me was doing it..plus i felt alot of guilt..i basically had a life of going out and partying till 5,6 in th morning..the thing that actually saved me is that i met someone and they didn't do drugs, so i promised not to do them and since then I haven't..I also got pregnant and that changed my life completely...but i can see how you can get trapped in that lifestyle...have you gotten any help? AA?? NA???
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how many times were you disciplined???
by mentalclearness inwell i grew up in the organization..and i had several committee meetings..i was privately reproved at 17 (for pot) at 22 i was publicly reproved (for sex) and privately reproved again at 31 for sex again.... .
so who holds the record for the most discipline while still in the organization????
i know many cases (mostly friends) who were df'ed came back and then df'ed again...i even know someone who was df'ed three times......
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mentalclearness
i forgot...the first time i had to talk to the elders was for smoking cigarettes...nothing happened..but tey did relate it with spiritism...apparently smoking is a way to communicate with satan or something...
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20
how many times were you disciplined???
by mentalclearness inwell i grew up in the organization..and i had several committee meetings..i was privately reproved at 17 (for pot) at 22 i was publicly reproved (for sex) and privately reproved again at 31 for sex again.... .
so who holds the record for the most discipline while still in the organization????
i know many cases (mostly friends) who were df'ed came back and then df'ed again...i even know someone who was df'ed three times......
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mentalclearness
well i grew up in the organization..and I had several committee meetings..I was privately reproved at 17 (for pot) at 22 I was publicly reproved (for sex) and privately reproved again at 31 for sex again....
so who holds the record for the most discipline while still in the organization???? I know many cases (mostly friends) who were df'ed came back and then df'ed again...I even know someone who was df'ed three times...... -
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Email from my Mom defending WTS, Point/counter point/ Point
by Burger Time ina little back story; i have been having a lot of debates with my mom about society stuff.
anyways i directed her to the watchtower documents and the molestation charges.
she then sent me an email here is what she wrote, the orginal email was just a link to the site and i said something to the effect of, jehovah makes public the records that were supposed to be hidden!
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mentalclearness
I thought your response was incredibly eloquent and logical (she must be kicking herself for encouraging you to read)...I'm kind of surprised that as a mother herself your mom isn't more empathetic towards the victims...turning around the snowplow story was genius. I'll be checking to see how she responds next..
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37
so I told her that I'm in love with her....
by jaredg inbut she didn't reciprocate.
she held me tight and kissed me softly.
her body language says that she loves me and she's told me she cares for me very much, but she didn't say those magic words.
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mentalclearness
i had this happened a little while ago to me..so i can give you the other perspective...i was dating this guy who told me he loved me after three months of dating...while i had strong feelings for him, i didn't feel like i was in love with him.. and i didn't want to say something i didn't feel...so i didn't answer back..but then i explained to him later on how i felt, that i was apprehensive about falling in love again..it's kind of a scary thing when you've been really hurt before....and especially if their are children involved it's complicated..because you're not just looking for a partner but for someone that will get along with your kids and be a good model for them..we continued to go out for a while, but the relationship fizzled out because it didn't progress....i would say wait a while, don't say i love you anymore (it might scare, or pressure her) and let things flow at it's own pace..if you see no progress then cut your losses...every situation is different but trust your instincts..if something doesn't seem to be right..it's probably not..in my case, with this guy..the circumstances were wrong..and i couldn't visualize myself with him in the future..we had a great time together in the moment..but there was no future there, so eventually i cut it off.
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ok so i have a bit of a dilemna, advise needed.
by free2think ini was just on facebook, and somone sent me a pm saying they knew me from school.
so anyway i sent a reply saying how are you?
etc.. she then sent me another message to say how she was doing and then finished it with 'am i remembering correctly you're are in the truth?'.
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mentalclearness
I think I would say that I've been having some doubts about the witnesses...some things I'm not in agreement with..then wait to see what kind of response you get...if she asks questions than inform her..and then tell her not to mention your name or discussion to anyone else..if she's your friend she'll respect the confidentiality thing.