I was in a very similar situation like miseryloveselders, I got appointed as an elder a couple of weeks before the light bulb went on which, in my case, was caused by the child abuse debacle. At the time, I didn't know whether to act or just to react, but it came to a point where I simply couldn't go on telling lies (lies to me because I didn't believe anymore) so I started asking questions. And the other elders sensed that something was amiss and really tried helping, but with their unlogical way of thinking it wasn't working, it was actually making it worse.
Then the situation at home where the wife was always accusing me of being an hypocrite and treating me like one. But not being willing to listen to my reasons. It all built up to the point where I had to resign and I did. Sent a letter resigning at a particular date. No explanation, no reason. Just I don't want to be an elder anymore. I think I attended the congregation for a month or so after that, and then just stopped, point blank. Of course, the hounders were trying to help, and were getting annoying, so I had to DA. That day, it all stopped.
Fast forward a year, still have a good relationship with my mom and brother, even though they both are 'loyal' JWs. And recently had to buy a airplane ticket for my son and it was all arranged by my ex. I was just supposed to pay, but I decided to call the travel agent, who is a brother, just to see how he would react. Hey, it was supposed to be a 'business' call, but it turned out to be a very nice 'we miss you' conversation where he stated that he's not buying the shunning thing the WTS preaches.
So, even though I lost most of my supposed 'friends', some of them let themselves be led by their hearts, the way it should be.
Basically what I want to say is that, as an elder, there comes a moment when you HAVE to make a move. There is no way around it!
Vivalavida