Posts by martinwellborne

in a few hours.. to a new life, a new adventure.. thanks to the board for helping me to get to the place i am now in life.. it feels great...it's taken alot of time, thinking, pain, overcoming fears, communication and a good dose of reality.. believe me, .

it's been worth all of it.. hope everyone has a great life.. purps.

.

martinwellborne

all the best

48

Do you hate elders and ex-elders?

by nvrgnbk in

jw
friends

do you think they all ended up being elders because they were ambitious and loved to exercise authority over others?.

or do you realize that each elder has his own story and that some became elders under great pressure?.

do you really think that all of the elders enjoyed participating in judicial committees?.

martinwellborne

thx for your post - i got to the point where i was about to be appointed an elder 15 odd yrs ago. At the time an overwhelming sense of unworthiness overtook me, realising the gravity of what i was approaching. from then on i knew that there were so many that took that step without even a blink.

sorry to say

hell mend them

8

Donations - child abuse compensation pay-outs.

by jambon1 in

do you think any active jw's realise that their money has been used to compensate abuse victims and not for the world wide work?

martinwellborne

i know taht my mother does not know!!

18

mental health

by martinwellborne in

sorry if i seem a bit outta sorts, but +#'* me i have had a bad time these past months.

i honestly thought i was condemned to die (deep down i still think i am).

i left the borg about a year ago with my wife and family all intact (or so i thought).

martinwellborne

PART-2

I have at times tho-t I have left this behind but somewhere deep down inside i "know" that it is right.

i have known this knowledge for morethan 30 yrs, does it matter?

i hope someone out-here may understand what i am going thro..........

maybe they have already gone back..

oh well

18

mental health

by martinwellborne in

sorry if i seem a bit outta sorts, but +#'* me i have had a bad time these past months.

i honestly thought i was condemned to die (deep down i still think i am).

i left the borg about a year ago with my wife and family all intact (or so i thought).

martinwellborne

thx jamie

read it, but a bit complicated

thx

18

mental health

by martinwellborne in

sorry if i seem a bit outta sorts, but +#'* me i have had a bad time these past months.

i honestly thought i was condemned to die (deep down i still think i am).

i left the borg about a year ago with my wife and family all intact (or so i thought).

martinwellborne

thx wing-co

Oh- yes I still know there is a god and that his name is JHVH yahweh or whatever language suits you best. I was not mad at people or God I suppose I really was mad at myself (and still am) ....."My God, why have I forsaken you". if you get the twist.

shoot, i am in a bad way

thx for your interest

MW

18

mental health

by martinwellborne in

sorry if i seem a bit outta sorts, but +#'* me i have had a bad time these past months.

i honestly thought i was condemned to die (deep down i still think i am).

i left the borg about a year ago with my wife and family all intact (or so i thought).

martinwellborne

Sorry if i seem a bit outta sorts, but +#'* me i have had a bad time these past months. I honestly thought i was condemned to die (deep down i still think i am). I left the Borg about a year ago with my wife and family all intact (or so I thought). We have had no words with anyone at our former KH. We had 4 or 5 cards from some elders and their wives (usual apologists for the w-t 100% point of view, not an ounce of sincerity, or should that be honesty) . We did actually receive one card from a close friend of a few years ago that told us in the words of a C.O. they knew "not to let the b<+#*rs grind us down". I thought that was some admission and was for a change a breath of fresh air.

All that aside I met up with a brother that I was really close to but who had been disfellowshipped 10yrs or more ago. It was great to see and talk to him again, but I was not prepared for the range of emotions that all of this was releasing. The long and the short of it was I ended up off work for a month, suffering a severe nervous anxiety that hit from nowhere. I went back to work having been put on a betablocker by my Doc, sorry to say I did not last long back at my Job, and again was off for another month.

The anxious feelings were unbearable, but next came the sleepless nights and total exhaustion, I would have pressed a button to end it all immediately if I could have. Then came the guilt, shit, every sin I had ever committed came flashing into my mind condemning me!!! Why now? I had never worried about them before leaving the Borg. Next I started trying to be more perfect than I had ever tried to be as a witness.

I had to see a therapist next, shit. Oh boy did she get it in the neck with all my neuroses spilling over. She told me i had deconsructed my world having left the witnesses and she really felt sorry about my condition. I told her that that was not what I wanted to hear. It seems that it is impossible to explain to someone who aint been a witness how it feels to have abandoned GOD (or so i was trying to convince myself, it is a fight).

My doc next put me on anti-d pills and only now after a month of being on them have I finally felt some kind of relief from the relentless self-persecution.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhh

love@ you

MW

18

Suicide story - How many times does this happen.

by Witness 007 in

a pioneer couple were obviously poor so they shoplifted some meat from the supermarket...they were caught and charged and being a small town everyone would know about it, so they killed themselves before the elders could organise a linch mob.

sad story.. another brother just drove off a cliff....brothers would later say how he must have felt guilty over something...idiots!

not nice....he may have been mentally ill or had other issues.. does this happen alot around the world with witnesses under so much pressure to be perfect?.

martinwellborne

so sorry to think of these poor folks, i have been through the mill lately after leaving and feeling in a real dark black mood, beginning to feel better now, only through the pills though. MW.