Did anybody else notice the January, page 6, under the announcements category it names several languages including Chinese and Simple Chinese that are changing over to a monthly instead of bimonthly editions. Is this new? Have we already posted about it on this site and I missed it? I am just curious because often times when they make major changes they start them of in other lands and then bring in the U.S.
hungry4life
JoinedPosts by hungry4life
-
31
'OUR KINGDOM MINISTRY' . . . . . . . . . . [scans]
by nicolaou inwell he's always asking for them so, kent, here they are.
i'll add the new ones each month as i receive them.. i've got most of the km's going back a few years but please don't ask me to scan the lot!
if there are specific issues you need however, just let me know.. posting them here so everyone can grab 'em as opposed to emailing out dozens of copies.. nic'.
-
-
-
25
please help my friend know she is not alone.
by hungry4life ineveryone on this board has always been there for me when i needed help and i appreciate it so much.
now it is my friend that is in trouble.
(the same one that i wrote about in most of my other posts particularly the ones about ray franz and coc).
-
-
hungry4life
Adonai 438 thank you for the links this is what I was hoping to be able to share with her. Safe4kids thanks for your encouraging comment and you too dmouse I wish she could come on this forum but her husband has made her cancel her internet service so this will not be possible. Larc, the library suggestion would be a good one except she lives 50 miles from the closest library and she has a toddler. She only gets to come to town about once every two weeks and that is just a big grocery trip. However I will put some stuff on a disc for her.
To Everyone else who shared their concerns I whole heartedly agree with you that this is a terrible and dangerous situation and she needs to get out soon for her and the kids. However I am not her. I can not do that for her. All I can do is be there to encourage her and be there when she is ready to make that choice.
To answer a few of your questions 1-800-WHY-1914 is not a sexual abuse line,it is a place for people with questions about the witnesses or those trying to leave. They have information packets and cassetes, they recomend books and they give you peoples numbers you can call if you need someone to talk to about these issues.
As far as the kids growing up without a dad that would be easier than the reality. In California it can be very hard to sever parental rights and except in the absolute worse cases (extreme abuse and it takes lots of documentation) he would be allowed to see the kids with no supervision about every other weekend. If she refused she could lose custody completely. I know it's harsh but it is a reality.
As far as other professional help she did call mental health in two different counties the prices were more than they can afford (1,000 plus copay). I know this seems unreal but it is the system. I called a friend of mine that is a professional counselor looking for resources,I am waiting for a call back from him.
Once again I want to make clear that I too strongly believe that she needs to get out of the situation, I have offered her a place to stay and help locating resources. She is psychologically imprisoned if the elders were called he would tell them she has been on the internet. He would try to get her DF. She is terrified of that it will cut her off from everyone she knows and loves. We all know that no one will listen to her if she is disfellowshipped for apostasy. She would be even more alone (in her view). Sure I would be there for her, but why should she trust me? no one else has ever been trustworthy in her life.She has been betrayed by the people who claimed to have the truth.
Their are some very deep psychological issues here (we have all been through them many of us are still healing, then hers are compounded by the abuse issue). If it was me I would get out, but can you please understand that I cannot make those desicions for her. Even if I call the police, they can deny it happened and that is the end of it. Then as soon as they leave she has to put up with his new rage because she told. I am not saying that it is an impossible situation, their is a way out but that choice is for her to make not me.
In the meantime I will continue to be her friend and lend her support in any way I can. I will share any encouraging links or stories of people who have overcome similar situations with her. If you have articles or sites on abuse and seeking help I will share those also.
I am in it for the long haul I realize that this will not change overnight.I know that many of you are outraged and think that more should be done. However please remember that this is our perspective looking in. Her reality is much different. And if that is all she has ever known (an oppressive religion and an oppressive family life)_then change is much more difficult for her, than for us.
Their are so many dynamics that go into these kinds of situations. I have known her for 8 years and this is the first time she has ever mentioned this to me. I think she is getting stronger. But she needs support. I don't want her to see me as the enemy or someone she can't trust then she will be completely alone.
I have a friend who is a crisis counselor for WEAVE (Women escaping a violent environment) I will call him as soon as I post this and try to get more information.
Thank you all for your concern. When I spoke to her today on the phone the last thing she told me was " I am so angry this is what the teachings of men have led to"
-
25
please help my friend know she is not alone.
by hungry4life ineveryone on this board has always been there for me when i needed help and i appreciate it so much.
now it is my friend that is in trouble.
(the same one that i wrote about in most of my other posts particularly the ones about ray franz and coc).
-
-
hungry4life
OUTLAW thanks it is a good idea except her husband told her that she has to get rid of her internet service TODAY! I mean he is really upset it is a bad situation but I can't divulge all the private details. That is why I am sooo worried. She had only had the internet for about a month but it had helped her so much. She lives in a very isolated mountain community (pop.500 if that). This is why I am asking people to post their support and encouragement. I figure if I print it or put it on a disc her husband won't know about it.
-
25
please help my friend know she is not alone.
by hungry4life ineveryone on this board has always been there for me when i needed help and i appreciate it so much.
now it is my friend that is in trouble.
(the same one that i wrote about in most of my other posts particularly the ones about ray franz and coc).
-
-
hungry4life
Everyone on this board has always been there for me when I needed help and I appreciate it so much. Now it is my friend that is in trouble. (the same one that I wrote about in most of my other posts particularly the ones about Ray Franz and COC). She has been making steady progress out of the Borg, she even got hooked up to the internet and has done lots of research on her own (calling 1-800 - WHY 1914 and other places, Randy's site, Silent Lambs etc) this research and what she has seen in the congregation has convinced her that the the JW's are wrong about many things. She has 3 young kids and she does not want to see them grow up oppressed an indoctrinated so she has been trying to quietly fade away.
Meanwhile her husband is still studying and he has become more and more convinced it is the truth (his dad died a year ago and he is really searching for some hope of seeing him again). The thing is her Husband doesn't realize what it really means to be a JW (I guess nobody does going in) He agrees that there are problems, but says they are issues with men and they should not be stumbled by these (my friend has tried to tell him that the fact that they are mans teachings is the real problem, but he can't see it).
He is getting angrier and angrier everyday (she hasn't attended any meetings in over a month). The last week has been the worst he has abused her physically and threatened her severely. A little while ago she called me very upset. He had called her from work and told her that she is never to talk to me again since this is all my fault, and he told her to cancel her internet connection, today.
She is so scared, she can't talk to the elders (and wouldn’t want to anyway), all her family are witnesses (and it is a very small family. her mom died when she was a young child). She has always been a stay at home mom and has no education beyond high school. I know she feels so trapped. Nobody from the congregation has been visiting her and she has no friends besides me. He doesn't know where I live, and I have told her that if she ever needs to get away she can come stay with me and I will help her get on her feet. (I don’t want to break up her marriage but she needs to know she has options). But what she really wants is to make her marriage work without having to sacrifice her conscience. She does not want to be a JW, and she wants her kids to have a normal life (guilt free celebrations, sports, college, and friends).
Then as if that were not bad enough she allowed her kids to celebrate Valentines this year. She bought them cards and let them stay at the party. Well her kids are the only JW's at the school but there is a woman who works there that is a JW. Friday when my friend went to help in her daughters class that lady told her that she had spoken to an elder N about valentines day and he had agreed that celebrating it was wrong. My friend is worried that this was a non subtle way of saying she had tattled on her (the lady is probably covering her bases in case the elders ask her if she has approached my friend about the situation). So know she is worried that the elders are going to pay her a visit and that her husband might spill his guts (he promised her he wouldn't but as I said he has become increasingly agitated). She is trying to bide her time and I am going to send her the other a copy of "The Stars" thread where many of you suggested ways of doing this.
I know this is a long post but what I am asking is for you to please type her an encouraging post to let her know that she is not alone. That we have also shared pain similar to hers and that she will be O.K. She just needs to know that there are supportive people out there and that she is not insane. I will print out the posts and send them to her PO box. Also if you have encouraging site pages I can save them on a disc for her and mail those too. Even If you don't have a lot of time to type something up ,give me the link to an old post (maybe an experience that you posted or read) that you think might help and I will put a packet together for her. Thank You all sooo much.
-
-
-
hungry4life
Well lets see my dad is Mexican and my mom is Mexican and I was born in California so I guess that makes me Mexican-American.
Si hablo espanol.
-
24
Post your worst date story!
by hungry4life inwith all the nice guy/bad boy and do looks matter posts doing so well i thought it might be fun to do a worst date ever post.. so here goes mine: about 3 years ago my married friend had a neighbor she was good friends with he was a young widower with 2 kids and she thought we might like to get to know each other.
so we agreed to meet for dinner at his apt (he lived 2 apts down from my friend so it did not seem awkward or unsafe).
he cooked spaghetti and afterwards pulled out the old photo albums.
-
-
hungry4life
with all the nice guy/bad boy and do looks matter posts doing so well I thought it might be fun to do a worst date ever post.
So here goes mine: About 3 years ago my married friend had a neighbor she was good friends with he was a young widower with 2 kids and she thought we might like to get to know each other. So we agreed to meet for dinner at his apt (he lived 2 apts down from my friend so it did not seem awkward or unsafe). He cooked spaghetti and afterwards pulled out the old photo albums. The next 2 hours were spent with him talking about his life. Complete with photographic detail. This guy was not a good conversationalist and had a very boring life. the highlight was his highschool football career (I mean the guy was 38). It was sad, I could barely stay awake. Then he showed me pictures of his late wife who had died in a car wreck 2 years before. As if that wasn't bad enough he started to tell me how she was nuts and her death was the best thing that had ever happened to him. Because right before she died she had accused him of molesting their two boys. Then he invites me out to the Jacuzzi with him. I say not thanks I dont have a suit he offers to loan me one of hers, I decline again and tell him I need to go it is getting late (it was 9:00pm). He said ok gave me a slice of pumpkin pie in a tupperware container and drove me home. When I got out of the car I shook his hand and said thank you. He gave me a ribbon rose in a tiny glass container(needless to say I did not go out with him again, I did give my friend the tupperware to give him) She could not believe he had been so creepy, less than 2 months later he married another girl he had just met. UGGHHH
edited to delete a duplicate sentence
-
72
Nice guys left in the cold
by Elsewhere inbutalbee started the thread "do looks really matter?
i started wondering about the "nice" guys (such as myself).... it's been my experience that women tend not to go for the "nice" guy who has a lot to offer - big heart, kind, good income, etc.
they seem far more likely to go for the aggressive "jerk" or "rebel" who treats them like dirt.. why is that?.
-
-
hungry4life
Dear Elsewhere I sympathize with your feelings on this post. I am a 32 year old female and have dated nice guys all my life. Looks have never been important enough to dictate who I dated. Instead I have made my desicions based on personality. I have had many wonderful relationships and am on friendly terms with nearly everyone I have ever dated.
My girlfriends do not understand this I often hear comments such as "you can do better than that" or "what do you see in him?" or "you must have bad self esteem", nothing could be further from the truth. I have good self esteem and do not define who I am by the physical appearance of the guy standing next to me. What I see in him is a good heart, thoughtfulness and generosity, a good sense of humor, fascinating intellect,and/or great conversational ability.
These same friends who are baffled by my choice in men would have never taken the time to get to know anyone that is not typically good looking or else rich. What have they gotten for their efforts? Heartache and misery. I have often been the recepient of late night phone calls with a girl crying on the other end of the phone about how he hasn't called, used her, cheated or otherwise abused her.
I listen patiently but when I have suggested setting up my friends with a great guy who doesn't look like Brad Pitt they decline. Instead of spending a nice evening going out with someone who may turn out to be great company they would rather stay home and replay their sad scenarios again and again.
Geez girls wake up (hey the same can be said for guys who will only date women with perfect faces and figures). Many times their reasoning will be that they could never become physically involved with someone they weren't attracted to. But they are missing the point dating someone does not neccesarily mean sleeping with them and once you get know someone wonderful they become gorgeous to you.
I have one close friend who married a heroin addict in October he steals from her (including selling their wedding set), cheats on her, he has forged her checks and he quit his job a week after they married so while she is at work all day he loafs and parties coming home at all hours of the night. She is a beautiful drug free lady but she has aged 10 years in 4 months. She tells me that when she thinks about leaving him she can't cause he's so cute (he is 21 and she is 34). I realize this is an extreme example but she has held on to this pattern for a really long time, with many other men.
If you are wondering why I am still single it is because right now I am completely focused on completing my education. It is a goal that I set for myself 3 years ago,after my divorce (my ex is a nice guy too our problems had more to do with the borg than anything between the two of us) and I have been steadily working on it ever since.
Marriage is not something that I am looking for right now. But I enjoy an active social life and good company. Someday when I do decide to married I can assure you it will be to a nice guy.
-
32
Hypocrites.....grrrrrrr
by Tatiana inwell, a couple of nights ago i was kind of ashamed of myself.
let me explain.. i have a new job.
as a model scout.
-
-
hungry4life
Tatiana I had a similar experience the first week of class. Our instructor told us to introduce ourselves and say something about our political and religious beliefs and it had to be controversial. Well my last name starts with A so I had to go first.
Part of what I said was that I used to be a JW and that since they strongly dissaprove of higher education I had dropped out of college. Now I was returning to finish my degree. I told everyone to be really wary of any person or group who says they have all the answers and that the important thing is to think for yourself.
I was proud of myself for speaking my mind honestly without putting anybody down. Well towards the end of the day this girl stands up and tells us "My name is Ashley I am a Jehovah's Witness, I am a psychology major and my goal is to get my doctorate and become a marriage family child couselor"
This was really upsetting to me. I felt like "yeah right since when have the rules changed that much" I mean not just college but a doctorate? and not just any major but Psych and a goal of MFCC? Noble yet totally out of line with WT teachings.Yet I was kind of hurt, I was being honest I had left school 10 years ago due to WT pressure and here she turns around and says that and makes me look stupid (well that's how I felt anyway. Like she made me look like a loser who dropped out of school for no reason and is looking for someone to blame. And here she was this superior creature who could do it all). It also made me mad that she made the WT look good and balanced (sorry but that is a crock).
So about a week later she sat next to me and borrowed a piece of paper, and a pen, and a scantron. I shared with her and then wrote her a quick note saying that I was curious how her family and congregation felt about her long term goals. I waited after class and we walked together and talked she shyly admitted to me that she is actually disfellowshipped!
and no they do not approve but she is married now and will do whatever she pleases (still trying to get reinstated though and still believes it is the truth). I asked her if she ever got on the internet for research and she said, no and she has no interest in doing that.The whole thing irked me sooo bad. In all reality she is not even a witness, they have shunned her to ensure that she not represent herself as such and sully their name, she cannot talk to any of her family and still she defends them. It is so sad. Inside I am still upset because I feel like she misrepresented it all but I cannot be mean to her. Instead I hope to keep talking to her and sharing information with her a little at a time. Who knows maybe with time she will be free from the emotional prison she is in , hers cannot be any easy place to be.
Tatiana I know this is a long post but I wanted you to know that I empathize with your response, and yet maybe he is in a similar spiritual limbo and his pain is what caused him to lash out. Food for thought. And no in my opinion you do not owe him an apology. Even if he was upset he should have taken you aside privately and discussed it with you. Instead of becoming easily angered, that is after all the Christian way.
-
19
Can anyone confirm/deny??????
by pandora ini heard a rumor that a couple of years ago the jw's actually outlawed french kissing too.
can anyone tell me if this is true and also whether or not there has been any "new light" shed on the policy since?.
thank you.
-
-
hungry4life
Are you sure that the person who heard this did not confuse Oral Sex with French Kissing? OK it sounds far fetched to me but I knew a married sister who thought that is what they meant. Just a possibility.
-
69
Does Looks Really Matter?
by butalbee indoes looks really matter in love?
would you go out with someone who was not physically attractive if he/she had a big heart on the inside, a great personality, lot's of things in common with, etc...i guess i'm asking what's more important to you the person on the exterior or who he/she really is underneath?.
lara
-
-
hungry4life
I am primarily attracted to personality. I have been attracted to men that were as much as 20 years older than me (although never actually dated anyone that much older) . I have dated very thin men and also a very overweight man and it was personality that made it all worth it. Although Mommy hit the nail on the head when she said that once it was over I did sometimes say "what was I thinking?" but that was only after the attraction to the personality had worn off.
I think part of the reason that I wound up in those relationships is that I wasn't attracted to these men at first so we developed an honest friendship and things grew from there. I have dated handsome men too. Sometimes without any sparks, I think the number one
most important thing to me is CHEMISTRY! I have not had that with anyone in sooo long. Sometimes I worry that I will never feel it again. I don't mean the excitement of initial attraction but true chemistry is a beautiful thing. I think once you have had it, it is difficult to accept life without it. I know the right pheremones are out there somewhere and when I find them regarless of looks I will be a happy woman.