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SeekingSanity
JoinedPosts by SeekingSanity
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29
Oh my god i'm about to pull my hair out!
by SeekingSanity inalright.... everyone keep saying over and over again ..you can't love someone without loving yourself first.
all people ever do ...even the ones that are in codependant relationships that are violent and upsetting say 'you must love yourself first' ...i've been told that all my life...'love yourself first love yourself first'.
that's like telling someone that doesn't know japanese......'you gotta learn japanese first!
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29
Oh my god i'm about to pull my hair out!
by SeekingSanity inalright.... everyone keep saying over and over again ..you can't love someone without loving yourself first.
all people ever do ...even the ones that are in codependant relationships that are violent and upsetting say 'you must love yourself first' ...i've been told that all my life...'love yourself first love yourself first'.
that's like telling someone that doesn't know japanese......'you gotta learn japanese first!
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SeekingSanity
Alright.... Everyone keep saying OVER AND OVER AGAIN ..you can't love someone without loving yourself first. All people ever do ...even the ones that are in codependant relationships that are violent and upsetting say 'you must love yourself first' ...i've been told that ALL my life...'love yourself first love yourself first'
YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S LIKE TELLING SOMEONE THAT DOESN'T KNOW JAPANESE......'YOU GOTTA LEARN JAPANESE FIRST!' YOU GOTTA LEARN JAPANESE FIRST?
no one EVER tells you HOW to do it. If someone comes from a dysfunctional family and broken family where there WAS BARELY any love (japanese)...WHAT IS THE USE OF TELLING SOMEONE TO LOVE YOURSELF FIRST IF THEY NEVER UNDERSTOOD HOW TO LOVE????????????????????? I'M ANGRY AND UPSET THAT PEOPLE ARE SO STUPID SOMETIMES! IF SOMEONE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO DO IT...BECUASE THEY HAVE BEEN BROUGHT UP BEATEN...ABUSED...IN EVERY WAY AND THEN EXPECT THAT CHILD TO GO ABOUT AND SAY 'LOVE YOURSELF' ...EVEN THOUGH HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUCK LOVE REALLY IS....OR HOW TO EVEN DO IT...THEN WHY NOT ...HELP HIM SEE? INSTEAD OF GIVING HIMTHAT BS?????????
They say 'you're being loving when your self sacrificing, look out for other people's needs first' ...........NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I grew UP having to sacrifice.......put shit on the line and give up shit OUT OF OBLIGATION! and i STILL feel like i'm hallow and empty! i'm upsset....
i'm in a great relationship with this amazing girl....and i still feel empty.
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5
Overcoming Jealousy
by SeekingSanity indoes anyone know any good audio hypnosis cds...or a good psychological book or excellent read that's saved their marriage from the brink of destruction by overcoming insecurities (particularly jealousy)?
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fishing for ideas...
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SeekingSanity
Thank you Sam..
although i appreciate the reply, i feel like you don't fully understand. To say 'stop it' ..is like telling a drug addicted person....to just 'STOP it' ...My ex did me wrong...i never had a problem like this before in my relationships..but my ex cheated on me, and now this relationship is being affected. because i have this weird belief that all women cheat. And although it's not logical...it creates a huge imaginary process of i'm not good enoguh...insecurity..etc.. to the point where the 'what if's ' turn into real life poissibilities. It's not easy to change your thought process, but the mere fact that i'm seeking help to save my relationship should deserve some merit. I see a fault....that I am attempting to correct. But when i feel POSSESSED by this overwhelming feeling...that convinces me that she's doing somethign when she isn't, that's when i have a problem. We both have things we need to work on....we both have things we're dealaing with... This part is mine....as she has hers. But simple 'i'm sorry's ...are overly used if the core of the problem isn't deal with.. The insecurities. and we say I love you 3-4 times a DAY. Particularly when we are leaving and going etc.. My point is...There's a huge process involved in learning to trust someone again...when the glass has been shattered. And when you put the pieces together, you get pricked and bleed. i am tryin to put my glass together again...and when i look at other people.....their glass is unbroken...and she looks at me....and see's it shattered and being put together...and how easy it is for her to just go with someone else...creates a problem. Although she repeatedly tells me how much she likes helping me ...her mothering/nurturing side comes out of where she wants to take care of me...show me love..etc.. She is patient..But i genuinely don't want this problem anymore.....and i need a solution for it. to 'stop it' ...is like saying stop having a broken glass! it'll fix itself! .....when we all know that the flat tire on the car wont repair on it's own, but requires work and effort. I see the flat....but i don't know how to fix....so i ask for adivce....and self help books on figuring our what is the poblem exactly...and , more importantly, how to fix it
Thank you nonetheless.
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5
Overcoming Jealousy
by SeekingSanity indoes anyone know any good audio hypnosis cds...or a good psychological book or excellent read that's saved their marriage from the brink of destruction by overcoming insecurities (particularly jealousy)?
.
fishing for ideas...
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SeekingSanity
Does anyone know any good audio hypnosis cds...or a good psychological book or excellent read that's saved their marriage from the brink of destruction by overcoming insecurities (particularly jealousy)?
fishing for ideas..
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10
Free Couples Counseling?
by SeekingSanity ini'm in a relationship with a great girl...i'm so blesed with her.
she calls me, cares...loves..never argues...always able to communicate.
she is amazing.
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SeekingSanity
Mrs. Jones. Please don't misundersatnd my words. i was agreeing with you. I was not giving you any attitude, but rather agreeing with you with a sad face and extremely depressed state of mind. I agree with you. Please don't misundersatnd my words. I'm not giving you attitude at ALL. I'm just desperate right now, i'm lookng fo rsmeone to help me find counseling because i'm having such a hard time findng it on the net. Please understand I meant no disrespect.
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10
Free Couples Counseling?
by SeekingSanity ini'm in a relationship with a great girl...i'm so blesed with her.
she calls me, cares...loves..never argues...always able to communicate.
she is amazing.
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SeekingSanity
Yes. I am looking for counseling for myself. i am the one with the problem. Thank you for your advice. Yes i did mention tha tabove, that it's for me. i guess 'couples counseling' wasn't what i meant but rather 'Relationship counseling' or something to that effect.
Thank you anyhow.
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10
Free Couples Counseling?
by SeekingSanity ini'm in a relationship with a great girl...i'm so blesed with her.
she calls me, cares...loves..never argues...always able to communicate.
she is amazing.
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SeekingSanity
I'm in a relationship with a great girl...i'm so blesed with her. She calls me, cares...loves..never argues...always able to communicate. She is amazing. We rarely fight or disagree. But i'm freakng out. My ex hurt me REALLY bad. And Now that I have this amazing girl in my life...i feel like i'm going to push her away because of what my ex did to me.
I trusted my ex a lot...and she cheated on me. And it shattered my trust. Now I am in a relationship with such a GREAT girl that I can't find myself trusting her. I question her...and i panic and freak out in my head. I freak out so much if something seems out of place. She wants to have guy friends, and i said 'ok' ...(reluctantly) and...i'm freaking out everytime something little seems off...like she doesn't call me or doesn't do something. But she always explains what happened. She is extremely HONEST with me...she'll tell me things even I don't want to hear. Very lovingly. She'll confess embarssing things that normally a dishonest person would hide. She is extremely beautiful and gorgeous in her heart. Inmy dreams, she has golden hair (representing honor?). but everytime something small happens...It's like i'm FREAKING out in my head wondering 'she hasnt' called me, she's texting other guys...she's talking to her ex' etc.. I need help. People keep saying 'You have to trust her' ...and I know that's true. But telling me ride the bike isn't going to help me balance myself on it. I need HELP. Please.
I don't know where to turn. I feel like i'm loosing faith in our relationship because of the fact that she's going to get tired of me. I need help. I'm desperate. I really want help. I really do care for her and we both want to work this relationship out. I've tried doing research online for Free couples counseling ...or ANYTHING that will help with this situation. I really am seeking help on this form now...Can anyone...please help me find some sort of free relationship counseling that I may be able to go in myself by myself and get help. I'm not interestd in finding out WHY i'm so insecure and upset...i know why. I've been hurt in the past....I feel like i'm going to clutch her so much ...that she's going to leave because of the insecurity I'm having with her leaving me. I feel as though she's going to leave because of the insecurity of her leaving. Like I'm going to sufficate her and rob her of the freedom. I don't know what to do..i'm so panicing. Is there anyone kindenough to help save my relationship with this amazing girl? I've tried talking to her, and she understand why...but we both don't know HOW to fix this...we both want couples counseling...but i would like to do it alone, that way, i can say everything without feeling like ...she might see too much ugliness inmy heart and want to leave. I really want to clean myself ...and the inside from pain and ugliness...and i'm trying...but i'm ....i don't know what to do... Please is there anyone that can help find me counseling..free counseling...cause i'm broke.
My previous relationship was years ago, and though i'm not healed from it, i fear that it may never heal. This girl is amazing...first real relatipnship in YEARS. The response 'You're not ready for relationship' ...is not what I want to hear right now, primarily because of my girlfriend. of all my relatinships in the past, she is the most amazing one. The one i've been more affectionate with. Most tender, most, loving, most caring, most everything. I feel SO MUCH for her and I'm really TRUELY happy when I'm with her. She's also VERY happy with me. But my insecurities are REALLY getting in the way ...every so often... i feel like i'm CONSTANTLY looking for reasons to catch her cheating on me or something, even though i know it's an irrational fear. .......please anyone...i've never metanyone like her...and this is the best relationship i've ever had....i really don't want to push her away because of my insecurities.
I need counseling in Los angeles area. Anyone..
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23
Pieces Lost
by SeekingSanity inhow do i begin this... i feel like pouring my heart out about something that is bothering me.
i'm getting older.
you know when we were young, we were given hope.
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SeekingSanity
Carla: Gosh, from your reading your post I can't imagine why you have a problem finding a woman! Think your own attitude might have something to do with it?
First and foremost, I would like to apologize to you and anyone else and say that I think because of my fatigue and lack of interest to explain the entire story (that I have explained to my different friends over and over again) with the girl made the story sound harsh or harsher from my end. My attitude is one of the guys that gets used a lot. I'm there when anyone needs me. I've woken up in the middle of the night to talk to friends. Loose my sleep...sacraficed my own time and energy to help another. Guy or girl. If you want in detail of what actually occured between her and I, I would be more than happy to email it to you. I have NO problem being 'friends' with a women, even on a strictly platonic level. Infact, I get along with them alot better then MOST guys. With the exception of two or three guy friends. But if a girl is aware that you like her, andshe begins to play with your feelings, ...giving you looks from across the room, making a 'certain' comment here and there. Saying how she wants to take you out to dinner repeatedly and get really excited over the idea and brag about it to everyone in the room and then say 'oh i see you as a brother,' the next day, it's OBVIOUS she's playing with your feelings. This isn't someone i Just met, i've known her for 5 years. Even people from my own family would say "She likes you" ..and that "It's obvious." And it is, but the issue comes back to the fact that she's involved with another individual and she's doing this? I was involved with my ex at the time wayyy back then and always maintained my distance from her, intentionally, I never in anyway made any comment or reference towards an interest towards her. Even after my ex left, I STILL didn't make any move on her for many years. I enjoyed her company but i never really said anything. She was the FIRST girl, in a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time that when I realized she was actually playing a game, trying to get my feelings in check, i HAD to ignore her. Because I was the guy back in the day that would get STRUNG along. I was the guy that people would refer to as the 'go-to' guy. that whenever they NEEDED something women would 'go-to' me to get it. Money...help with homework...a ride etc.. I STOPPED that with her. I wont be strung along anymore, I POLITELY made that clear to her when i said 'You enjoy the attention I give you, but I can't give that to you anymore, because it's reserved for someone that actually wants to be with me. I'm sorry.' THAT is me stepping UP from where I was. When she came over to my house, I POLITELY said hello, shook her hand, out of respect and pretty much went about my business...sat at the computer doing emails, or the piano practicing, or eating. Ididn't say ANYTHING because I needed it to be clear that I am no longer this 'to-go' guy. I'm sorry. If that makes me into a horrible person, then so be it! I've struggled long enough with that.
You also mentioned this: As for the girl you were ignoring, YOU were one playing games. She apparently told you she wanted to be friends, maybe your definition of friends includes 'friends with benefits'?
No to both parts of your question. No, I was not playing games (I stepped up, where I wont let people take advantage of me anymore, it's not right to walk over people and only use them for something you need selfishly) and No I did not want 'friends with benefits' with her (I believe that means something sexual). Actually, I would've married her (depending on the dating of course) because I HAVE known her for so long. Our families ARE close. When she realized that I was actually looking at her like that, she didn't run away. She kept calling ME. She didn't 'shrink' and say 'wow he's crazy' or whatever. She kept calling again and again.
You also said: YOU wrote her off because YOU didn't get what YOU wanted, an exclusive relationship.
No I wrote her off cause if she was in a relationship with a guy for three and half years, even if it was internet dating, and want go out on a date with me where SHE said it was a date... She did try to say 'it means only as friends' but whats with all the 'comments'? That it shows a sign of disloaylity towards her current 'boyfriend' or whatever they are and I saw that as a sign that grew a red flag saying 'DANGER! DANGER WILL ROBINSON!' (my ex cheated on me) [i'm not will robinson if you don't get the reference lol] It's the same gimick of 'hey! lets remain friends and i'll take whatever I can out of you. the attention I can't get from my current boyfriend from you! that way, I get the best of both worlds!' THATS what it felt like. And I should know, i've had that experience before.
Infact, for a time being, I DID do the 'friends' thing. (see this is part of the whole story that i left out cause I was exhausted last night from the concert and so forth) I said 'okay, lets go hang out as friends and do this..or that.' We decided on Rock climbing cause she knows i'm into that thing and she wanted to try it (i didn't suggest it, she did). Again 'the nice guy' ...okay.. But twenty minutes later she's telling me she's been with this guy for three and half years. I was like 'woooahhhh... no...sorry this isn't going to go down like this' I thought it was just some GUY she liked. No this guy is part of the equation and i wont hurt him, even though I don't know him. It's funny, there's was the 'we'll go out on a date' then it turned into 'brother and sister hanging out' then 'friends hanging out' (where she implicated that I don't see you as a brother anymore but...perhaps...*hint hint* )
bottom line is: She was playing a game, which is thewhole mess load of crap i'm talking about.
If you still think i'm bluffing. She's a twin. Her sister does not give any indicating towards me that there's anything between her sister and I. Even my family says that. But she does. This wasn't in my head, others agree.
You also stated: Take some time to just be, concentrate on school and allow friendships and relationships to develop naturally.
I totally agree and am trying to do this, however, the game is what women in my experience want to play. And I do not. i'm more than happy to be friends with them and if it becomes something it becomes something, but my original idea for the post was being STUCK where you can't go back to the jw cause of their beliefs and the 'worldly' people play too many games.
I do not deny that there's parts of me are 'immature' ...like my voice gets really high pitched when I get excited. And I jump around like a little kid when i'm really excited! (concert, when I meet someone I havn' tseen for a long time that im really close to) but that's my 'childlike' qualities that i cherish because that's ME. I wont ever let go of that, I hope. I want to be like 80 years old jumping around with my walking chair screaming 'yeaaahhh!!!! we get pudding today!!!!!' In a convalescent home or something. That ONLY comes out with people that I keep close by me. Hopefully if i'm alive at 80 I wont care if they're close friends or not and i'll be like that all the time. And I do believe that no one can enter the kingdom unless they first are as children and take off all their clothes and jump on them like little kids do. I'm close to 30 actually. I wont say what age but but close to 30. I present myself VERY professionally where people would say back in the organization when i was 14 that I had the personality of a 40 year old.I just don't show my inner qualities to everyone.
Perhaps We both can agree there is immaturity in the sense your speaking of, but not in me, but the girls. I do not deny that i need some maturing, but I think i'm past that part of it that your referring to, at least, with this whole 'go-to' guy thing.
Lukr I will PM you.
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23
Pieces Lost
by SeekingSanity inhow do i begin this... i feel like pouring my heart out about something that is bothering me.
i'm getting older.
you know when we were young, we were given hope.
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SeekingSanity
First of all, I want to thank eveyrone involved in this post in responding. I do appreciate it. I have selected a few responses that are directed towards some people but not entirely towards just them. I've added much in response to everyone tos ee
Undercover: "There are some bad people in the world. But maybe there are good people too. You're right, we are going to tell you that so-called devout JWs cheated and lied and stole. But there are good-hearted JWs as well. "
I do not deny there are actually jws and 'worldly' people that are good. But the issue I have with both and where I feel that I can't go towards one or the other is that: Jws ...their beliefs. 'Worldly' people ...they never see who I am, all they see is what their eyes perceive. And with ALL women for the matter is an issue of CONTROL! It's like the little glitch...they don't get their way, so they 'cry' and the waters start running. And when that starts going, you feel like crap and cave in and be like 'okay, fine, we'll do this' or whatever. It's like an emotional black mail. Where she will want something, and then start crying and showing sincereity in her cries. And I can't tell anymore if she's actually SERIOUSLY crying OR if it's just to get something. Like if she wanted to go out with her friends..she sets up a huge dinner that night and starts talking about her joba nd how stressed out she is...and starts crying and saying 'Somethings I just want to get away from everything and everyone and just go out with some friends to hang out' ...knowing fully well that I have a test or something tomorrow and I wont be able to go. LAter i find out she's seeing some guy with her friends or something. Now, I don't care if she goes out or where, just as long as our relationship isnt tained in the process. But that's just an example of how 'crying' is used in emotional blackmail in order to get her way (this is hypothetical situation i made up to prove what i'mt rying to say, this hasn'thappened...yet) Deception and dishonesty... That kind of trust is shattered...how could I ever trust her again?
And the ones that dont' fall into that catagory...then you have the issue of having to play this RIDICULOUS and STUPID game where I have to jump through hoops in order to just get things rolling. Or the stupid 'Dont' call in 3 days or else you seem desperate' BS. Every little thing is a judgement call to these women or perhaps all women...who knows.
I'm not a bad looking guy actually (not to brag), But I don't want to be TRAINED as if i'm some sort of home make up project for women to change me into the man SHE wants me to be. I'm willing to compromise but not at the expense of where i loose my identity. I am a little picky! I mean if a girl is lying, it's a turn off. I move on. If a girl starts flirting rather quickly within an hour...it's a turn off. There are a few things I DO look for and don't go with everyone. I mean if youre interested in a date and half way through the date I find out your married and it's only for 'legal reasons to get citizenship' i'm like 'WWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTT???????' and tell her 'go back to your husband' and go home delete her phone number and never call again. Or your checking out the guy across the room..it's like 'what the hell?' or you got like 15 guys in your cell phone who call you constantly and they're 'just friends' even though your voice gets raised up in pitch like all 'daddy's little girl' and giggly and fliratous...please do you think I am buying this?
I understand this might make me sound a little bit...uh..whats the word? annoying..or irritating...or cynical...or maybe a jerk, but you have to understand how irritating it is to get these type of responses from girls time after time.
or for example: I asked this one girl out..she said yes...the next day it was a no...then it was 'your like a brother to me' ...then the 'brother' became 'a friend' ...hinting that she actually likes me.. Then I find out she's involved in an internet relationshp that's been going on for 3 and half years. I was so upset I told her we're not going to go hang out as 'friends' ...it's off totally. She insisted 'Why? you and I are just friends it's fine' ...i was like 'no cause you know how i care about you and how long iv'e known you' If your into this guy, i'm not going to attempt tot ake you away from him. It's morally wrong tod o something like that. Cause technically it's cheating even though we're 'just friends.' When you try to do the 'right' thing, you end up being 'the nice guy' ...if you do the 'wrong' thing, your the 'bad boy that every girl wants.' I DON'T want that! It doesn't follow my morality. So I ignored her phone calls for hte next week. She finally got me by blocking her phone number...I answered she laughingly said 'so are you ignoring me or something/' I said 'yes' ...there was a pause and she asked 'why?' I said 'well woudl YOU tlak to someone that broke your heart TWICE?' ...there was a llooooong seven second pause and she said '...we're just friends, i told you wer'e just friends' ..i was so upset i said i can't talk to you ... I ignored her for the next week. I called her back and said 'look i'm sorry if i came off al ittle harsh, but is till stand by what i said, you LIKE the attention i give you and That attention is reserved for someone that wants tobe with me. I wont give it to you anymore.' and that was it... 3 weeks go by and she and her mom came over at my house. (our families are close). I saw her..she saw me.. I IGNORED the hell out of her.. Not giving her the time of day for anything. I Briefly said 'hello' and thats it. She ends up calling me that afternoon with a blocked number. Its' almost as if because I ignored her she called me. Like trying to keep me on a short leash. And starts saying 'we have something in common' and 'oh why don't you give me your email address' because email communication is easier for her. I havn't spoken to her since. Don't call her or anything. But it's these STUPID games that I don't want tog et involved in. You ignore them, they chase you, you give them attention they run! I HATE THAT! Anyone out there that just wants to put in as much effort as I do? Jeez!
VIII:
A great place to meet new people is through volunteering. Anywhere. The American Heart Association. Habitat for Humanity. A soup kitchen. You not only have time to not reflect on only your problems, you get to meet *Worldly* people who really are selfless and helping people as no JW would ever do. For free.
Thank you, I will give this some thought. I am a fulltime student and full time job guy. Finding someone at SCHOOL is even HARDER. I don't know conversastion starters. Nor can I keep an interest going. When I am with my guy friends or girls that are my friends...I can make people laugh so hard like they almost pee their pants but when I am around someone new... I get SO QUIET. I CAN'T I just CAN'T make conversastion. I don't know why. Fear of rejection, humiliation, embarassment, denial ...whatever the case is. I JUST CAN'T.
Mrs. Frioini: It didn't take long to realize that was just one more WT lie designed to attract and retain members in the organization. Not only does the WT not have a monopoly on morality, I believe JWs are even more likely to commit adultery.
I understand, and agree, but there was a sense of 'family' at least, where my fear of rejection wasn't so strong and it was easier being myself.
Shamus100:
I just got back froma rock concert. Something I havn't done in over 5 years. It's 1am int he morning. I understand I need hobbies and things of that nature, and thank you for your advice...it is good. After this concert I do feel as though I'm somewhat okay compared to the nervous anxiety wreck I was feeling originally with this post. Getting tot he point where you can see someone again and again without it being so obvious that your interested in them is extremely difficult. Quite frankly, people suck! once someone finds out you are interested int hem, you lost.
Leolaia: "It was about having friends of both sexes, doing activities and things together of common interest, and maybe eventually something might turn romantic. The best way to meet someone is to get involved in a group in your area that is focused on an activity you like (a photography group? a discussion group? a biking group? etc.),"
Thank you for your advice and I do appreciate it. Please read my above comment that I stated to Shamus100. And yes I can see where you say that getting involved int he congregation is the 'worst' place.
Snakes: I tried internet (eHarmony) dating.... met a few nice gals ..went on a few dates.....nothing worked out though. Met one nice gal that I remain friends with but do not think we are compatible as more than that
Yeah don't you hate it when you're sitting there and it feels like an interview? GOD I HATE THAT! I just want to leave and be like 'call me when you stop judging me' (that sounds horrible but it's so fruistrating when someone JUDGES you and they don't even know you!) or expect you to be solely interested in them and ask all the questions. It feels so uncompatableness (is that a word?) I think it's really nice when the conversastion goes in so many different directions but it's pouring out like water as opposed to some suction machine from my mouth.
Farkle: Do you honestly think that JWs are the only ones who are capable of having that type of loyalty and love?
No...but i've been hurt by the 'world' enough tof eel that there was a better chance int he organization.
Wuzloves: Dont use statistics as your excuse not to get OUT there hon. Unlike the JWs...the women in the "world" ARENT gonna come aknocking at your door!
I totally understand your view point. But then it all falls back on the stupid 'game.' you can't just walk up to someone and say '...I thikn you are amazing...you look beautiful, but quite frankly, i don't know you. But I hope that we can get together for a cup of coffee and just talk and so I can see if your equally beautiful on the inside.' That doesn't fly...it's having to go about it in a subliminal way or some stupid bs just tog et a cup of coffee. Augh! I'm fruistrated and aggreivated over the games and hoops we have to jump through just for someone to see who you really are inside. I'm ranting now. I'm tired and exhausted. I have class in the morning and my voice is almost out fromt he concert cause of yelling.
There's something wrong with me.
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23
Pieces Lost
by SeekingSanity inhow do i begin this... i feel like pouring my heart out about something that is bothering me.
i'm getting older.
you know when we were young, we were given hope.
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SeekingSanity
How do I begin this... I feel like pouring my heart out about something that is bothering me. I'm getting older.
You know when we were young, we were given hope. Hope that there was a paradise coming, hope that you will end up happy and married with a beautiful wife that will love you affectionately. But it is this concept of marriage that is bothering me the most... this hope that There would be a wife that you will not have to even kiss to feel the love from her. You can be in one part of the universe and her on the other, and the very thought of her loving you would warm your soul, bounded by God. And the sisters in the congregation, or at least where I was, were honest, loyal, 'honorable' women.
An almost sure way of knowing she would never cheat on you.
Now, I can't have anything to do with that organization. The truth itself has revealed many things about that organization, that you can't even go back. Doing so would be commiting spiritual suicide. But how do you pick up the pieces and move on? Finding a level of loyality among women in the 'world' that would cheat on you and never even tell you? Where is the trust out there? Where is the trust here? After leaving that organization where does someoen go to find a potential spouse? Internet dating SUCKS! It's not even worth attempting. I can't go back to the organization for the things I know, and I can't go back to the world because of the position that it sits in. Where is the happiness now? Where do you turn to? A bar? thats not the place to find the type of women i'm looking for. Internet SUCKS. Approaching women out in the world is sufficating.
I'm sure many of you will say: 'there were many people that cheated in the organization' and so forth. 'there were many sisters that weren't loyal' But there was some form of ASSURED percentage ...than the percentage compared to the world.
Whenever I meet someone around my age for potental dating, I think: Are you going to be another that'll cheat on me? Lie? dishonestly speak? Tell me you're talking to your mom when I know it's someone else?
Does anyone else feel completely alone? Can't turn this way, or that way?