Posts by iknowall558

12

Is this normal?

by iknowall558 in

jw
friends

is it normal........after a year of being out of the org... and (to ditch everything in your life that made you feel worthless), is it normal, to still feel despair and a certain level of depression?.

i am going between extreme happiness and contentment ......relief and optimism, to a downright spiral of hitting the depths of somewhere dark and murky, that i know i dont want to be.

its scary and i dont like it.

iknowall558

	What advice would you give to your 20 year old self? 2 3

12

Is this normal?

by iknowall558 in

jw
friends

is it normal........after a year of being out of the org... and (to ditch everything in your life that made you feel worthless), is it normal, to still feel despair and a certain level of depression?.

i am going between extreme happiness and contentment ......relief and optimism, to a downright spiral of hitting the depths of somewhere dark and murky, that i know i dont want to be.

its scary and i dont like it.

iknowall558

Well, tonight is obviously the night for the whole shebang. I have the guts to do it and have just posted on another thread..about what I would say to myself when I was 20.

What I have said....just came out of me....! It should have been said before now....and there is more besides. I have considered therapy and will perhaps see about it...as all 'this', is not going away.

69

What advice would you give to your 20 year old self?

by paul from cleveland in

jw
friends

iknowall558

What advice ? You've been baptized a year.....but please go back and find the scrunched up form for art college that you threw in the bin. Dont become a pioneer and spend two weeks of your life in the pioneer school. Dont bend over backwards trying to score points with the elders and the family of the brother you like in your congregation. Please retain your personality, and for God's sake, dont wear clothes that make you look like you should be in an episode of Little House on the Prairie.

Dont let your (future) father in law tell you, while working with you in the ministry, that you are a danger to his son, because you are a woman, and you need to have to sex , because , (not being a virgin, its difficult for you to be moral.) Please dont lose a stone in weight through pressure from an overbearing family, and judgemental elders pressuring you to not pioneer or to try and put a form in, because you are the subject of gossip in the congregation.

One of those elders in 2009 will tell your husband that you are worse than a whore, and your husband who is trying to defend you will then leave you a year later anyway, alone, with your two boys, your two young , beautiful, impressionable boys and will blame you for the fact he cannot stay with you anymore because you are suspicious and sad and broken.

Please dont fall to pieces when your husband is pushed into a corner to confess that he has been out behind your back for months, seeing a young, (teenage) sister from another congregation, while you have been in the house during the day wondering why he isnt home from work yet. Please dont believe everything is your fault......because its not!

Please dont take that first drink, when you find out your husband wasnt just seeing the teenage sister from another hall, but whatever teenage, young girl he could pull while out clubbing on at the weekend without you. And please try and sleep and forget that your husband isnt coming home until 6am in the morning.

The time that you both go to Oban, to try and work things out......please, please.....dont lose your mind over the fact that your husband left you in the pub alone after an argument and you had to walk home alone and were sexually assaulted on the way.

When the Elders see fit to call a meeting in the home of Ron Hunter to sort out your problems with another brother and his wife,.....please dont run out crying when he tells you, that your husbands wish (and 'joke' to his friend)was to give you Rohipnol, (date drug)...and "leave you to the locals".. (He didnt know that I had already been assaulted.)

When the CO comes to visit you, with your group study conductor, take 'two glasses' of wine before he comes, instead of the one. That way it would have looked like you only finished the 'small' drop in the bottle while he was there. You will tell him though, that you are upset that he has come to ask you if you have been raped...........! For 2 MEN to ask such a thing of a female.........and then to feel pressured into describing the assault........to convince them it wasnt a rape ........please dont feel humiliated, embarassed, ashamed, dirty.....that TWO MALES asked you these questions.

As a sexually abused child, you should be aware that your past will come back to floor you in a way that you never thought imaginable....IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. YOU ARE A PERFECLY WONDERFUL PERSON........dont allow yourself to feel worthless. Dont let your husband, elders, JWs, Watchtower rules or regulations make you feel you are shit.

In the year 2010 , you will realise how worthless all these other things are, and have been to you. You will still be angry, and resentful and will still be perhaps, maybe....be trying to find your way to God. Dont worry about it. Others round about you may have found what they are looking for....but God does not dwell in buildings and you dont need to be part of a church. Do what feels right for you. Dont look to fill the religion you have just lost. IT IS NOT NECESSARY! Look after yourself and your boys and keep your good friends close. Stop having dark thoughts.....keep painting...and please keep thinking that you are special......it will come good in the end.

35

What kind of World would it be with NO religion ?

by wobble in

all comments welcome.

love.

wobble.

iknowall558

BETTER !

12

Is this normal?

by iknowall558 in

jw
friends

is it normal........after a year of being out of the org... and (to ditch everything in your life that made you feel worthless), is it normal, to still feel despair and a certain level of depression?.

i am going between extreme happiness and contentment ......relief and optimism, to a downright spiral of hitting the depths of somewhere dark and murky, that i know i dont want to be.

its scary and i dont like it.

iknowall558

Is it normal........after a year of being out of the org... and (to ditch everything in your life that made you feel worthless), is it normal, to still feel despair and a certain level of depression?

I am going between extreme happiness and contentment ......relief and optimism, to a downright spiral of hitting the depths of somewhere dark and murky, that I know I dont want to be. Its scary and I dont like it. Am I manic? There is a definite stigma attatched to anyone owning up to these emotions and feelings, but tonight I am going to be open and say that I feel I am mentally and emotionally sick. I dont want to feel this way, and I dont like it.

I have been through a lot in my life as a child and as an adult, but why, since leaving this despicable cult, do I feel that I need some sort of help to get me through to the next level of the amazing life that I know is waiting for me?

7

Secretly recording judicial meeting on apostacy, or your exit.....

by EndofMysteries in

has anyone done this?

i would think many would have with technology now, and there would be websites with tons of clips, and showing how the defenses, scriptures, etc brought up and responses by elders.

.