I dont think my mum is strong enough to call it quits. She'd be more of a 'fader' than anything else. But I will definitely think about it. Thanks Chris :)
wantstoleave
JoinedPosts by wantstoleave
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45
Help - am I on the fence??
by wantstoleave inplease bear with me, newbie here :).
i have had doubts for a few years now.
i was raised in the truth, baptised at 16, married at 24...the usual stuff.
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living in a bubble
by inbetween inlast weekend we were invited at a family of jw.. they are some decent people, reasonable, realistic, balanced, having good jobs and a house, certianly took care of their future pension, and will give their child a good education.. you can discuss with them many different topics, and they are not blind to mistakes of brothers or even the leaders.... however, they are dubs, both being raised in the "truth", they dont know anything else really..... we have quit a number of friends like that, being down to earth, not extreme, have a good life, and still "strong" in their faith.... the other day, we also did a congregation-trip, and while you find everywhere some selfrighteous puffed-up "pioneer", "wannabe-elders" or real"elders" or "elderettes", most of the folk was fine, no worry about anybody behaving badly, getting drunk or something like that.. i was thinking, it wouldnt be so bad to be a witness, if...... yes, its the "if" that makes one worry., the mind-control thing of the gb.. anybody going through similar thoughts ?.
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wantstoleave
I guess being 'in' the 'truth' has its comfort factor. You tend to trust those around you more easily. You can associate with the knowledge that nothing 'questionable' will arise. And after all, its the only thing most of us know...so its comfortable. Its all we know. We are taught to have faith and not question, not to use our brains. To wait on Jehovah. To comply and humble ourselves. If we question, we are bad. If we pursue higher education, we are looked upon as weak and on the fence. If we arent in this clique and that, then we're weird or snobby. Nowdays, at least in my state, if you finish highschool even, you are not looked upon favourably. We are told to get a trade, get a part time job and enter the full time ministry. And that if we dont, we dont have the correct mindset. I for one never wanted to be a pioneer, nor was I willing to settle down and be a stay at home wife/mother/pioneer. I aspired to more and I succeeded. Got my college degree, married and then had babies.
Do I think there are any positives to being in the truth with 'nice' people...yes....but there are nice people everywhere. Ive always thought that. Ive never judged anyone. We are all people, no matter what race, gender, sexuality or religion.
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Does marriage work
by wouldacouldashoulda inhi posters.
in the uk 50% of marriages fail.
maybe around half of those who stay married are not really that happy.. .
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wantstoleave
JW wise, they marry too young. WAY too young. I would estimate that most marry because they want sex and would rather get married then have premarital sex and be counselled for it. That would bring much shame and embarrassment. Soooo, they find someone, spend 1 day a week together, dont touch and steal kisses when they can. On average they are engaged after 3mths and married within the year. Thats my area anyway. Because I didnt have a boyfriend in my teens, I was looked at as 'weird'. I was far more interested in pursuing my education than to be tied down to a man with the 'hope' of marrying and producing babies and being at home all day. Not that theres anything wrong with that, but unfortunately, thats what most JW females look forward to.
As for marriage, I have faith in it, just that mine didnt work due to a lousy good for nothing man. But thats for another time and discussion :)
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45
Help - am I on the fence??
by wantstoleave inplease bear with me, newbie here :).
i have had doubts for a few years now.
i was raised in the truth, baptised at 16, married at 24...the usual stuff.
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wantstoleave
Wow thanks everyone :)
Ill try and answer as much as I can....
Baba you make great points, you're right, my brother is NOT hurting my parents. They just think he is. Yes, he is a VERY good human being. Everyone loves him, he is such a lovely person. He leads a very wholesome life.
As for the blood issue, I have not thought about it to be honest. I dont think Im that far ahead yet...lol. But I do remember when one of my children was very sick as an infant, and the blood issue coming up. I was crying to my mum about the possibility of us losing baby. She said to me 'you do what YOU need to do...dont worry about anything. It can be sorted out later'. In other words, she was telling me 'if you want baby to have blood - do it'. I sense that my mum has always been somewhat on the fence.
Some news for you all :)
Today I was whinging to my parents about being in 'limbo' because I am not scripturally free. My mum was agreeing with everything I said. Dad had his head bowed. He is a humble man, doesnt like to rock the boat. I guess I started sounding too critical of the 'rules' we must follow regards divorce etc because dad piped up 'I cant save you. You may as well hand in your resignation now because you're dead'.
He didnt say it meanly. I think he said it out of fear. Like he knows no better. 'The truth' has been his life for so long, he cant be criticised for knowing no other words. Mum told him off....lol. She said he was jumping to conclusions, that I wasnt leaving. I just sat there shaking my head.
I told them both some of the experiences from this site (but didnt mention where I got the info) and mum was ropeable. She said how the organisation is so geared towards men. We all know this to be true. I think my mum knows Im on the fence. The other day she was telling a sister how she's already lost one child and doesnt want to lose another, and that she's scared I'll be next. Plus she's been the one Ive confided in in the past when Ive had doubts. I suspect it is a burden for her, worrying about me. But as has been brought out, who are we really kidding? Only ourselves.
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Hey, My JW Wife Went to a Catholic Church Funeral
by OnTheWayOut inthis is huge (to me).
my wife won't clink glasses.
she won't watch anything r-rated or any shows/movies with a mystical or religious theme or undertone.
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wantstoleave
I have been a witness all my life, and have always had no problem stepping foot in other churches...lol. Ive gone to weddings and funerals. I even gave a eulogy at a catholic church for a relative once. I never got in trouble. Why should I? Im only showing respect for the person getting married/died.
If elders ever approached me about it, Id tell them to get lost. Its up to ME what my conscience allows...lol.
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Baptised and on this or other apostate sites - DF'ing Offense???
by cognac injust wondering if you can be in a jc for being on apostate sites.
i'm not talking about if you clicked on something by mistake.
does it say it in the elders book?.
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wantstoleave
Sorry Cognac for taking this on a tangent :)
Canary....I like how set in your mind you are, I envy that kind of freedom you have. I think thats my problem, 'feeling guilt over not living up to what you think God expects of you'. Ive had lots of food for thought. Will check back tomorrow and hopefully be able to find all these posts again :)
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Baptised and on this or other apostate sites - DF'ing Offense???
by cognac injust wondering if you can be in a jc for being on apostate sites.
i'm not talking about if you clicked on something by mistake.
does it say it in the elders book?.
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wantstoleave
Jook...who will destroy the WTS? Is that metaphorically speaking or literal?
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the big black hole of belief
by highdose ini no longer belive anything that i was ever taught as a jw.
i therefore find myself without any beliefs at all.
which having talked to all the freinds i've made since seems to not be unusual.
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wantstoleave
I can totally understand your thinking. Humans are creatures of habit, routine...and when that balance is upset ie. leaving the religion, then you are bound to be a little lost. I would say take time to discover yourself, your thoughts.....and dont jump into anything. You dont have to replace religion with religion :)
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Baptised and on this or other apostate sites - DF'ing Offense???
by cognac injust wondering if you can be in a jc for being on apostate sites.
i'm not talking about if you clicked on something by mistake.
does it say it in the elders book?.
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wantstoleave
Ah yes, nice point....the WTS putting leaving in the same sentence as leaving God. I knew a family back in the late 90s that all left, all of a sudden. The father had been an MS, then one day, they all just left. None of them were ever Df'd, nor did they Da themselves. That's 10+yrs ago now, and witnesses we know still talk to them when they see them etc, because they were never Df'd. The father claims that he still believes its the truth, and that 'when the call goes out', he will be there saying he's a witness. Yet others say he wont be saved because he hasn't been a practising witness, and has been celebrating as 'worldly' people do.
Tell me, those of you that have left....did you immediately start celebrating birthdays, xmas etc? And with xmas.....did it ever bother you, I mean, knowing what we know that Jesus wasnt born on that day? Or was it more just a celebration and family time?
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45
Help - am I on the fence??
by wantstoleave inplease bear with me, newbie here :).
i have had doubts for a few years now.
i was raised in the truth, baptised at 16, married at 24...the usual stuff.
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wantstoleave
Stephen, yeh, the elders have even shown me that scripture....that's why it boggles my mind why nothing is being done about him not providing for his children. He never provided for us even while we were married, but I never thought to bring that before the elders. After all, I hadnt been an active JW for years. After he left me, they asked me why I hadnt told them sooner. I was like, 'I didnt want to involve anyone'. They shook their heads. See, I would've thought him not providing for the kids was a Df offence. But, he hasnt been.
As for the bible christians....they were christians following Jesus right? JW's as it were didn't exist in that day.