Posts by mindmelda

41

Help Please - Wife Misses Friends, Wants to return to KH

by Mad Sweeney in

jw
friends

the topic says it all.

i am frustrated and dumbfounded.

i understand that she misses the social activity with her "friends" but we have been "very" busy socially the last several months with new friends and she's been having a great time.

mindmelda

I sometimes think that JW behavior appeals to the potential addict in all of us .

I sometimes wonder if you don't have to have some sort of mild to severe emotional insecurity or neuroticism to be a JW in the first place, not that that's not fixable...it is...I admit I'm neurotic as hell, or was until I got a boatload of professional help, and so is my mother, who dragged the whole family into it..she's like a poster child for OCD and all sorts of neurotic behavior, and was an emotionally and physically abused child who will rarely if ever admit it...her parents were saints in her view even though her siblings tell me otherwise....she's got the perfect mentality to be a JW if you ask me.

You get "loved in" like a drug pusher giving free samples to get you hooked, then they make you pay for it with "good works" and if you don't do everything prescribed, love and approval is withheld, so you'll do anything to get it back, or you just sit there jonesing for it all the time.

It's also rather reminiscent of abusive spouses or signficant other relationships. You're romanced in, then the abuse starts, but it's your fault, and then they're sorry they were mean and you get flowers if you behave as expected again.

It's all pretty sick stuff, when you think about it, but everything about it is designed for you to think everything that's wrong is wrong with you, not them.

One of the best mechanisms I found to cope with the ex Witness thing was to attend Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings. Being raised by a nutbar JW is scarily similar to being raised by an alcoholic...and for some people I'm sure that overlaps.

46

How do you help a girl having panic attacks?

by Cagefighter in

jw
friends

i am so inlove with this woman.... we have been dating for six months and she is finally starting to let me in.

she is the portrait of sweet country feminitiy and i am a masculine little macho but smart and sweet meat head.. she called me the other night having a panic attack.

well she texted b/c she couldn't talk.

mindmelda

A lot of the professional help I got with panic attacks centered on controlling breathing and visualization (similar to Lamaze, I thought...only more intensive). I even used a biofeedback machine to see visibly how I was controlling my breathing and heart rate. I found that really helpful, for some reason.

The "cold" thing makes mine worse(I tried that and UGH, no)...I got better if I got into a hot tub of water or shower when having an attack. I get very cold feeling when I have a panic attack anyway, although some people feel very hot and flushed, I know. I have a friend who lies on a cold tile floor in the bathroom and it helps her.

When I have an attack, the first symptom I have is all the blood draining from my extremities and an extreme tingling from lack of circulation to my hands and feet, which turn ice cold. I guess that's why hot water helps, and I also find it relaxing.

I guess everyone is a little different. Drinking water helps me too. I was told that's because swallowing forces you to relax some of your muscles.

I keep a few tablets of Xanax around which I also use when I feel an attack coming on Rx'd by my doctor. It short circuits it to take one. I only use it then, if you take it all the time, it becomes ineffective as a temporary anxiety reliever and there is an addiction risk if abused.

I've had panic attacks since I can remember, they started when I was a child. My doctors have told me it's somewhat organic..it's gotten worse with hormonal changes (it was very bad when I was pregnant) and when I'm more asthmatic. Being short of breath is panic inducing for me, for one thing. Vicious circle.

It's always good to rule out any underlying organic causes for panic attacks. A friend of mine found out she had hyperthyroidism which was contributing to hers.

47

OMG! I am 50 this year! Why am I freaking out? Anger - how do you cope?

by hamsterbait in

jw
friends

i was told when i hit thirty and was catastrophising, "just wait till you are 40, it just gets better.".

ha!.

i am fifty in a few weeks.

mindmelda

I turned 50 April 26th of last month.

The worst part of it is my doctor keeps bugging me to have a colonoscopy. I'd rather have something shoved up my butt, thanks anyway.

But, seriously, getting old is very scary for my husband and I. Thanks to being Witnesses and believing we had no future in this "old world" to prepare for, we didn't.

We're both in our fifties and don't even have a savings account, worked more or less manual labor jobs, like good JWs were supposed to do while we waited on Jehovah. My husband is a plumber, which was good while building trades were doing well, but not now. He hates repair plumbing work, he was always new construction. He wants to get a technical skill job, for which he needs some training. He's good at electronics and computers. He's thinking more votech school...he has gone for auto mechanics and plumbing in the past.

I'm trying to change my situation by going to college next fall, as I qualify for a few government grants. I've had job training for several different kinds of work, and some night school college courses over the years, but a degree in something would make a lot of difference. I'm going for nursing/psychology...I have a knack for medical, I've been told, and there's plenty of jobs available in that area where I live now.

24

Were You A Happy JW or An Unhappy One?

by mentallyfree31 in

when you were a witness, were you happy or miserable?.

i feel like i was pretty happy for over 20 of the 25 years.

only the last 5 years and especially the last 1-2 years did i really burn out and just wasn't that into it.

mindmelda

Except for a few memorable times when I felt I actually belonged, pretty darn miserable through most of it. One of the few good times was when I met my husband, who was introduced to me by another Witness, although he wasn't one, not yet. LOL He's a plumber and he was helping them remodel their kitchen.

I got so in trouble(called in for an elder's meeting and chewed out, of course) for marrying "out of the truth"; he went to meetings, although not baptized, and was studying here and there.

He's the only good thing I really ever got out of being associated with Witnesses all those years and I had to break a rule to get him! Tells you something about this bag o' crap religion. You have to tell them to go piss up a rope to get anything good out of it.

41

Help Please - Wife Misses Friends, Wants to return to KH

by Mad Sweeney in

jw
friends

the topic says it all.

i am frustrated and dumbfounded.

i understand that she misses the social activity with her "friends" but we have been "very" busy socially the last several months with new friends and she's been having a great time.

mindmelda

Wait until she goes back and gets the two predictable reactions, like I did when I went back briefly after 3 years of no meeting attendance.

Reaction 1: The gushers who hug and honey you and try to love you back in. Well meaning in a misguided sort of way, but where have you been the last 3 years? Where were all my hugs and "we love you"'s then? Not once did you stop by my house and offer hugs and friendship and it's not like it was out of the way...I used to live next door to the KH! Literally next door and not one of these people ever came over to even have a cup of coffee with me. Pfffft, how phony can you get?

Reaction 2: The "get your weak substandard stinky butt away from me lest you contaminate my relationship with Jehovah" reaction. These are the holier than thou types who will treat you like a leper if you come back after a hiatus, as you are weak and unworthy of Jehovah, and they might catch spiritual weakness from you. You've been out in the ebil world and you might even be demonized. There has to be some horrible reason you haven't been coming to meetings. You're probably an apostate...we're watching you like a hawk. You need to study with an elder and his wife for at least 6 months and start going out regularly in field circus before our perfect selves will even talk to you again.

120

Are there any decent arguments for God's existence which do not fall prey to the argument from ignorance fallacy? (i.e. God of the gaps)

by Psychotic Parrot in

jw
friends

god of the gaps arguments are simply not convincing, god is no more likely to be the correct gap filler than anything else, in any case where god is squeezed into a gap, we could easily just fill it with (for example) a committee of eternally existing physical lifeforms, god is no more plausible than they are as an explanation.

as for the arguments themselves:.

the cosmological argument = god of the gaps: we think (though we are not certain) that the universe had a beginning, it was probably the big bang, the big bang needed a cause.

mindmelda

God of the gaps arguments are simply not convincing.

Good point...next topic please. LOL...I quit trying to convince anyone in the existence of God years ago. It's a choice, like so many other things that aren't 100% conclusive either way. Just be prepared to be called an idiot by the side who disagrees with you, which is really the biggest issue with the whole thing as far as I'm concerned.

When you quit caring about that, everything's fine.

127

DO you follow any of these quacks, charlatans, liars, mystics or self-promoters?

by Terry in

jw
friends

don't try to lie about it.

you accept some of these people as an authority.

you listen to them.

mindmelda

Jaguarbass, Dyers new stuff is quite different from his books on Erroneous Zones. He's shaved his head, wears Buddhist robes, goes barefoot on stage and sounds like he's trying to start a New Age religion when he talks now.

Erroneous Zones wasnt' bad self help stuff, I only had one cognitive quibble with it, and I can't even remember what that was now, but his new stuff is really OUT THERE.

He sounds like he's been taking a little sugar cube trip once in a while these days.

73

What Must Be the Case if Christianity is True?

by leavingwt in

jw
friends

john loftus:.

what must be the case if christianity is true?.

that the highest created being, known as satan or the devil, led an angelic rebellion against an omnipotent omniscient omnibenelovent omnipresent god, and expected to win--which makes satan out to be pure evil and dumber than a box of rocks.. .

mindmelda

Apparently a lot of people don't recognize a good metaphor when they read one.

I think one of the Gospel writers got it...he said Jesus taught by means of "parables" which are interesting fictional stories that teach a moral lesson.

It's one of the best ways to teach anyone anything, to use an entertaining story form that gives people a social format that they can relate to, especially when you don't have any way to take notes...it's more memorable, too.

History has had a lot of notable teachers who used the same technique because it works. Even if what is attributed to Christ is accumulative stories originated by various people, they're still good allegories that teach a principle or moral. There's nothing at all wrong with that. We still value stories like Aesop's fables for the same reason, or fairy tales.

If you happen to believe that Christ was more than that, all the better, I suppose. I would imagine God knows how to teach people a thing or two and the best way to do it.

For me, even if God/Satan is another metaphor (and we have LOTS) for good versus evil, it's valuable. Stories about good versus evil are terrifically popular, they resonate with us very deeply.

That's why people love Star Wars, for heavens' sake. It's just that good vs evil in the universe, who will win, thing that we all struggle with constantly within ourselves. If the God or Christ or whatever you term universal good wins, the good within us can win...we want to hear that. And we always will.

2

Best use of "Armageddon" ever.

by mindmelda in

def leppard...i secretly used to just love it every time this song came on the radio when i was supposed to be a good little witness.. "are you gettin' it?

arma geddon it!".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yi6ms0b4q-4&feature=related.

mindmelda

Def Leppard...I secretly used to just love it every time this song came on the radio when I was supposed to be a good little Witness.

"Are you gettin' it? ARMA GEDDON IT!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YI6Ms0b4q-4&feature=related

73

What Must Be the Case if Christianity is True?

by leavingwt in

jw
friends

john loftus:.

what must be the case if christianity is true?.

that the highest created being, known as satan or the devil, led an angelic rebellion against an omnipotent omniscient omnibenelovent omnipresent god, and expected to win--which makes satan out to be pure evil and dumber than a box of rocks.. .

mindmelda

I'm so glad now that I think that the Bible is mostly metaphor. I don't have to take arguments like this literally. Gives me more time to think about important things like playing online games and sex.