wavvy

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Posts by wavvy

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  19

  How do you replace a family?

  by YoursChelbie in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  as a result of wanting to have a normal life, away from the dogma of the jw religion,.

  many have lost contact with parents, children and in many cases, their spouse.. my divorce was uncontested and i was fortunate enough to get out of from watchtower control with my children.

  my parents were never involved with the religion,.

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  wavvy

  yeah...still hurts me...

  out of a family of about 40, only 3 came to my wedding to a non JW

  wish I had a "surrogate" family...altho my husbands family is rather sweet
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  43

  how hard is it to move on?...lose everyone?...start new???

  by oompa in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i have already lost nearly all my friends....maybe just a handful will even be social........but i so hate to lose my mom and dad and my jw son.....one is df......so he still shows that he loves me.....but damm........i so hate to lose the little bit of fam i have left.......is that normal?......stupid question.....i guess i know from my time here....i so hate these guys that can take them away.....oompa.

  i know a bunch of you have done it.....just please help me through it...........

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  wavvy

  I know there are some people who will treat you like you are Dfd even when you have just faded away, but I think that people who really love you will be (secretly) relieved that they are still allowed to associate with you.

  I have the same situation as you in some ways, oompa, in that my parents are old and I really want to minimize the hurt to them. I don't know if this is the best way to deal with it, but in my case I chose to avoid being Dfd so as not to force them into a difficult position. This means that I can't be clear with them about how I feel about it all. Usually I just refuse to talk to them about it. I make it clear that the decision is mine alone and that I will not be persuaded otherwise but I won't get into discussions about the 'whys'. I've told my parents that I am sorry for the hurt to them, and that I almost wish I could go back just to make them happy, but that if I did it would all be a lie. I've reassured them that if I ever decide to go back (not likely!) they will be the first to know.

  It's a hard one: you've got to be true to yourself, but try not to hurt your loved ones. EIther way it's going to be painful. But, I think if you can find a way out which causes the least offense, you leave yourself in a situation where you may eventually be able to help the one's you love to escape as well.
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  39

  How I figured JWs were NOT the truth...

  by cognac in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i remember thinking growing up that i wasn't sure it was the true religion but because my family were so sure of themselves and so many people believed it that i loved and respected it had to of been the truth.. then, i reasoned that because we were the only ones who fulfilled the preaching work that there was no other way any other religion could be the true religion except us.

  plus, we used jehovah's name and didn't take it out of the bible but the preaching work was really the main thing that kept me in.... i was always afraid to really study just the bible because i knew a ton of things might not be right.

  otherwise, why would so many jws be afraid to run into a greek scholar out in field service.

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  wavvy

  Reading non-Witness Christian literature did quite a bit for me, because I realised that everyone else's interpretation of the Bible seemed just as valid!

  Also, travelling in Asia and investigating the incredible wisdom behind so many Asian philosophies. How can the JWs possibly believe they have a monopoly on the truth! And they go to such lengths to make people believe that practicing things like meditation (in an Eastern sense) and yoga are opening the doors to demons, when in truth they are not only intensely spiritual practices, but peaceful ones which are now proven to have medical and psychological benefits as well.
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  17

  You know what I really miss?

  by journey-on in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  this sounds silly.

  but what i miss about being a part of a close knit congregation is the showers.

  i loved going to the bridal showers, baby showers, wedding showers.

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  wavvy

  I know what you mean journey-on:

  That feeling of community is hard to live without. Just occasionally if I drive past a bunch of Witnesses on a street corner I feel a tiny stab of nostalgia (until I slap myself in the face and drive on . It's definitely not the Witnessing I miss, ...but the relaxed stroll around the street with a friend having a good chat, believing that you are doing a good thing.

  But anyway, thats not to say that good friends can't be found elsewhere, right?
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  15

  Open Minded Christians?

  by homeschool in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  does anyone know if there is such a thing as a christian church that loves and appreciates jesus, but also recognizes that it is purely a culteral thing and also acknowledges other religions as truth?

  are unitarians like this?

  i'm getting to the point where i'd really like to find a group like this.

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  wavvy

  Oh! Just tried that quiz Gayle, and I came out as a Sikh!

  Not too sure whether I will consider joining them...wouldn't look too good in a turban
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  2

  How do 7th-dayers compare

  by wavvy in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  i'm just wondering if anyone know how seventh-day-adventists compare to the jws in terms of emotional manipulation etc.. my husband's ex-wife has become a 7th-dayer so the step-kids are being raised that way.

  i notice a lot of behaviour in her that reminds me of the jws.

  she adopts that 'holier than thou' stance most of the time and seems to believe that she is protecting the kids by not letting them see their father although he's just the most loving dad around.

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  wavvy

  I'm just wondering if anyone know how Seventh-Day-Adventists compare to the JWs in terms of emotional manipulation etc.

  My husband's ex-wife has become a 7th-dayer so the step-kids are being raised that way. I notice a lot of behaviour in her that reminds me of the JWs. She adopts that 'holier than thou' stance most of the time and seems to believe that she is protecting the kids by not letting them see their father although he's just the most loving dad around. Just her character do you think? My biased view of her? Or are there similarities?
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  32

  Is anyone suffering from post-traumatic bitterness disorder?

  by BurnTheShips in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  http://www.latimes.com/features/health/la-he-bitterness25-2009may25,0,4544029.story.

  bitterness as mental illness?bitter behavior is so common and deeply destructive that some psychiatrists are urging it be identified as a mental illness under the name post-traumatic embitterment disorder.by shari roan.

  and, increasingly, psychiatrists know them.

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  wavvy

  AllTImeJeff - I totally agree with you. Although it is much easier said than done, bitterness is not healthy.

  I love what mindmelda says: maybe the best revenge is just to have a successful life and be happy!

  I say that...but then here I am on this site enjoying other people venting their bitterness, and having my own little vents now and again.

  StAnn - It really is amazing how much that belief that you can't really be happy when you are not a JW permeates their thinking. My sister has had a rough time out of the org, and my parents never stop telling her its because she left. I have remarried a beautiful man who is not a JW and my parents never stop warning me that it is going to turn out badly. They are so blocked by their beliefs that they can't see how much better my life is now than when I was married to an emotionally abusive elder (although they totally supported me leaving him for which I am eternally grateful).

  While I was still a Witness I remember talking to a lady who had been d'd and then was reinstated. She told me that she thought God had looked after her while she was outside the org. I remember being so shocked at the time that she thought God had taken care of her while she was d'd. The whole concept was alien! But she was adamant that she'd had felt blessed the whole time she was outside. That comment stuck with me as I began to realise that most of the things I spent my whole life believing were fallacious. But when I first left I still spent quite a lot of time in fear waiting for all the bad stuff to start happening to me because I no longer had God's blessing!
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  44

  Emotional Blackmail and ex-JWs

  by Lady Lee in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  based on a discussion last night and a request to write something about it i went hunting through some old posts and found this one.

  emotional blackmail and jws.

  we were discussing whether it is emotional abuse when the elders visit us after we have left and wind up being nasty or try to pressure us to go back.. so i was thinking - what are some of their tactics and would they fit into this category?.

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  wavvy

  Yeah Vinny, the blackmail is so blatant at times, it's hard to believe the people doing it don't see it. As I keep telling myself though, it's amazing what behaviour becomes justified when you think you are specially blessed by God and therefore better than everyone else.
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  32

  Is anyone suffering from post-traumatic bitterness disorder?

  by BurnTheShips in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  http://www.latimes.com/features/health/la-he-bitterness25-2009may25,0,4544029.story.

  bitterness as mental illness?bitter behavior is so common and deeply destructive that some psychiatrists are urging it be identified as a mental illness under the name post-traumatic embitterment disorder.by shari roan.

  and, increasingly, psychiatrists know them.

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  wavvy

  Wow! Really interesting! I think I am one of those people who is primarily just thrilled to be free and can't be bothered wasting time on biterness. But, I'm sure some biterness emerges from time to time, especially after an email or letter from my mum.

  Plenty of people who are still JWs though, and suffering from this syndrome I think.
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  44

  Emotional Blackmail and ex-JWs

  by Lady Lee in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  based on a discussion last night and a request to write something about it i went hunting through some old posts and found this one.

  emotional blackmail and jws.

  we were discussing whether it is emotional abuse when the elders visit us after we have left and wind up being nasty or try to pressure us to go back.. so i was thinking - what are some of their tactics and would they fit into this category?.

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  wavvy

  This is a really interesting thread...although from a few years ago.

  I left my JW husband some years back because of years and years of emotional abuse. I left the JWs because I realised that it was my beliefs that had caused me to stay in an abusive relationship for so long: the brainwashing that led me to believe that leaving my husband was not an option.

  In reading this thread though it has occurred to me that the organisation not only created me the submissive victim, but created the abuser as well. The emotional manipulation by the organisation is so ingrained that a man raised in that way of thinking can easily develop an abusive mentality and think it completely normal. Not only completely normal, but scripturally justified!

  You've probably all thought of that before, but it is an eye-opener to me....new-comer that I am!