Posts by Inquiry

9

Speaking of Holes

by wonderwoman77 in

jw
friends

well i posted the post about holes in bottles when dealing with relationships.

well my mother must have known i was talking about her.

i have not talked to her since sept. 11, and that was becaue i called her because i was upset and really wanted family to be there, but she was just yelling at me for not stopping to see her the week before.

Inquiry

Hey WW

Yep, you've had your share.... it's a rough, very tough road... sorry it's like that for you.... I know where your coming from too... your a real sweetheart you know... doing all that for your mom... I'm giving you a huge cyber hug ((((((((((((((((((((((wonderwoman77)))))))))))))))))))))))))) !!!!!! :) You chose your name on this board aptly.... a wonder woman 77 times over... I feel for you and your mom.... she must be so lost and unhappy.... and you sound like you've run the gambit from frustration to knowing your limits.... That's one of the hardest things in life, how do you support Mom without buying into her game plan....
I didn't want to sound critical, I just know what the other side of it feels like... and I don't wish it on anyone... but there is truly only so much a person can do, and it sounds like you have done it. The rest is really up to your Mom... some people can get help and achieve a good balance in their lives, Some just can't. My Mom tried, and was unable to keep facing it... She slid back into her usual role and never revisitied healing again.... Fortunately for her, she had a fellow who loved her dearly and let her live her way.... I am so grateful for that.... I feel bad that you don't have that comfort...When I think back on my relationship with my Mom, I wonder if there was any way out of the situation without regret.... when they're gone, it sticks with you... you can deal, but you always feel sad about it.... I guess it's the nature of the parent/child relationship, in it's disfunctional form.....
I was an abused woman too... I was with someone who was quite cruel and violent... love for my son and an intolerable despair got me to leave that situation... I was very young at the time and knew that I couldn't live like that for long... I took it for a year and then I set about doing what I needed to, to never become involved with someone like that again... Research and therapy.... it was my ticket... Your Mom's claim that without this man she has no identity is a very lucid thought considering her circumstances... but if she won't go get the help she needs, it's really out of your hands beyond that...
I send my best wishes, and hope for your mom.... take very good care of yourself WW...
Thanks for sharing this personal and painful issue in your life... You're courageous, that's for sure... and your handling yourself top notch... My email is open if you ever want to write to me...

Your friend in cyber space....
Inq :)

9

Speaking of Holes

by wonderwoman77 in

jw
friends

well i posted the post about holes in bottles when dealing with relationships.

well my mother must have known i was talking about her.

i have not talked to her since sept. 11, and that was becaue i called her because i was upset and really wanted family to be there, but she was just yelling at me for not stopping to see her the week before.

Inquiry

Hey Steph aka WW....

I too had a rough relationship with my Mom... She had sooo many problems, and in hindsight she just didn't get the push she needed to go get help for herself... I used to hate my mom and feel guilty for hating her.. What I realize now is that I hated how she acted. My Mom acted the way she did for reasons... she was a very insecure woman, had never led the life that she wanted, she always seemed to settle for second best, and she really hated that... she never learned to cope with her real problems and other problems set in because of that... she drank, a lot, she took many different kinds of medication... and she was sooo depressed.... After she died I found out about some of the things that had happened to her, she had never told her kids.... her mother died in my mothers tender years... apparently it was a terrible death, her father had an affair while the mother was sick and one week after she died he moved in with his lover....and took every belonging of grandma's with him.... he basically abandoned my mother.... my mother married at 16 to a terrible man, he walked out on her and her young son.... somewhere in my mother's history, someone abused her sexually... it affected her whole perception of herself... and she was unable to make herself happy....
All this and so much more... she had a miserable life, and was miserable almost every day of her life, she even tried therapy, but it was too hard for her to face those realities, and that she may have been part of the problem.... Mom couldn't handle that...
During all of this she had four kids... and I can tell you it was tough for us... but unfortunately too late for my mom and I, the information came too late..., but I can understand where my mom was coming from... I knew she was in pain and people in pain lash out.... it wasn't that she meant to, it was just what she knew to do... she had no other skills in the matter... unfortunately, she died before we could really make peace, but there was one moment, one tiny occurence, a phone call when she was in the middle of therapy, and she apologized for everything... told me she really did love me... and that I wasn't as bad as she always let on.... it was the only lucid moment I had with her, it lasted an hour, just one, and then everything went back to "normal". My mother passed away a few years back, and that moment comforts me to this day...
My point is, you won't be able to change your mother's attitude... only she can do that... and not having a relationship with her will only end up making you feel bad... I know that you feel you have good reason for the way you react to her... and in many ways you do... but I can tell you from experience that the challenge and the reward comes when you try to understand why your mom is the way she is... it's too late to find it out when she's gone... now that I know what I know about my mom, I wish I could ask her about them... let her know I understand a few more things now... and offer the opportunity for a better relationship... but I can't do that now... and it leaves a void no matter what my excuses at the time for not persuing it...
I normally don't go around walking around in my underwear like this...:D but I thought another perspective may help you out...
I wish you well in these endeavors, it is one of the most challenging lessons in life... dealing with our parents.... but they have taught us good lessons, even if learning them was painful.... My mom had lots of problems, she worked from a deficit of skills and experience in her own life about how to be a good parent... and I spent a lot of time blaming her for it. In the end I wish things were different, not so much about her, but how I handled it.... I still miss her....

Hope this helps
Inq :)

6

Before you found here .... The Isolation Feeling?

by Celtic in

jw
friends

before you found others over the net, how long did you spend after getting expelled in isolation, dealing by yourselves with all the overlapping issues?

in that isolation, how did you feel?.

in africa, individuals are disfellowshipped too, what must it be like there, trying to come to terms with all and sundry that we have singularly and collectively been through?

Inquiry

Hey Celt...

I actually ended up leaving because of one of these sites... It was great to be informed, and great to have a social outlet on the internet... It was still lonely though, I felt isolated and abandoned by my former witness family.... and I had made very few contacts with the "real" world over the almost 10 years I was a witness...
I knew I had to do something so I started volunteering in my community and I was also going to college which really helped... Now I am happy as a clam :), But I lived through a few torturous months before that...
I don't know if I would have left the Borg without the help of those who participate on these sites... I owe them all a debt of gratitude... thanks and thanks again... :)

Ofcmad... I wrote a four pager, after visiting sites like this, and I included over 100 pages of research.... I learned it really doesn't make a difference how much info you give them, they either hear you or don't. That's up to them. But your letter was your declaration of independence.... whether a few sentences, or a few pages, the difference it made was for you.... If it helps one of them to see your point of view, well then you've accomplished a lot... even though I sent all the info that I did, for those that received it, to date it has not made one iota of difference to them... the only ones that benefitted from my efforts are those who were brave enough to ask me questions about what I did... and that's the difference I made in their lives... not the hundred pages of info... but my taking the time to explain it to those who asked... in short, ya did good ofcmad... ya did good ! :)

Hey LB... welcome to the board... :)

Inq

28

So How Active An Opponent Are You Really?

by Englishman in

jw
friends

if you are an ex-jw, how do you rate yourself as a jw opponent?.

are you totally live and let live?

maybe happy to chat to someone who has doubts?

Inquiry

Hey Englishman, all...

Good topic... I've been out for over 4 years now and I think opposer might not term exactly what I do in the "worldly" sense although it is most certainly what I am classed as by most JWs...
If I oppose, I do it with the life that I lead, unencumbered by the rules and regulations and control tactics the WT uses, I am free, those that I know who are still inside know very well that I am free... As for activity, I do regularily inform area doctors of changes in the blood doctrine. It was that issue after all that broke my bonds with the WT, and I continue to answer questions that JWs who do keep in touch with me have...you might be surprised to know that several do. Most that do keep in touch have doubts but are fearful of the reprisals of acting on those doubts... I understand the fear and the fragile condition many of these people are in, so I try to comfort them and help them to understand the sources of those doubts...
As for beating the WT down, I think the org itself does an excellent job of that all on it's own... I believe that if we give them enough rope, they will eventually hang themselves.... though I do believe that people who are reaching for an unattainable perfection and security will continue to use organizations like the WT. It is the WT's credibility that will suffer, and I believe the WT will continue it's downward spiral... but will likely continue to exist as an organization in the foreseeable future.
This and other sites and those that participate on them are very good at outing the contradictions and lies of the WT and this has resulted in so many becoming informed. That was the ticket to my freedom, as it has been for most here... I beleive it will continue to work...

Keep up the good work :)
Inq

11

Want to see my picture?

by Celtic in

jw
friends

directions emailed

Inquiry

Well, where are the directions..... waiting....... still waiting..... did you know it's not nice to keep a lady waiting? :) Oh, comeon, show us the picture.... You can't be shy on top of being a hopeless romantic now can ya celt? :D

Inq

45

The BESTEST present ever! (NOT)

by LDH in

jw
friends

after reading a few threads regarding the upcoming christmas season, i thought i'd post a funny story, and ask you to add to it.. if you've ever received a wacky present, or one you had to pretend that you liked, please post it.. about 5 years ago, when i first started celebrating christmas with hubby, i got a real shocker of a present.

a deep fryer.. now, hubby was *very* proud of himself.

you see, about three months prior to christmas we were going through costco (warehouse type store) when i noticed they had a nice little deep fryer.

Inquiry

LOL.. what a topic!

I can top that off though... I was living with my son's father... years ago.... yes that many :) , and the whole family, his whole family that is was up for christmas and opening their gifts... Everyone was watching to see what I got from him... I had a big box and a small box... his cousin had confided to me that she thought the small box was likely a nice piece of jewellery... well, I started with the big box... It was....... building the suspense..... a pair of moon boots... you know the big white snow boots... LOL... Imagine my surprise! I was speachless... there he was, mr. proud... giving his woman something he thought I really needed... I opened the small box... hoping against hope that it would be jewellery... It was the tiniest soap set I ever saw! Yes, soap!
I simply didn't know what to say! I had bought him a beautful bracelet... sweater and a couple of bottles of imported liquor... nice stuff...
His family was as agast as I was about it... and chided him the entire day... Great Christmas that turned out to be.. .I imbibed long and hard of the brandy that day. :)

When we broke up, he tried to win my affections by buying me .... get this...... a food processor... yep, that's love in the great white north!

*laughing while recounting this* I knew at that point that the relationship was a no go.... :) actually a never again go....

enjoyed the posts...
thanks
Inq

4

Imprisoned Ideas

by Dogpatch in

jw
friends

i've come back from being (or looking) gay!.

anyway, here is a favorite little piece:.

imprisoned ideas.

Inquiry

Hey Randy....

I love this article... came across it over 4 years ago, I think it was on Jan's site.... I ended up including it in my "disassociation package" along with several others, but this one was at the front... and I am sure that it was read by at least half of the people (mostly elders) who received my "package". Those who have troubled themselves to keep in touch have commented to me on how important that article is.... even though they are JWs (on the fringe really) they got it's importance....
Nice work bringing it here... it helped me to read it.... now it can help others....

Thanks
Inq

26

"Wait On Jehovah"

by silentlambs in

jw
friends

wait on jehovah, is an interesting terminology.

it is used basically to stop an action from taking place.

the inference would be that you should leave it in gods hands and in his due time he will maneuver things to address the matter.

Inquiry

Some excellent posts... thanks silent lambs and dazed and confused for your incredible posts... I appreciate your efforts and your openness very much....
To Simon... the Tent post thing (actually a lance NWT, spear NIV and javelin KJ) is in Numbers 25

I will take the liberty of reciting this for everyone so you don't have to look it up... but when I read this, it didn't sit right with me... I will explain it after...

Now Isreal was dwelling in Shittam. Then the people started having immoral relations with the daughters of Moab. And the women came calling the people to the sacrifices of their gods. So Isreal attached itself to the Baal of Peor and the anger of Jehovah began to blaze against Israel. Hence Jehovah said to Moses; "Take all the head ones of the people and expose them to Jehovah toward the sun, that the burning anger of Jehovah may turn back from Israel." Then Moses said to the judges of Isreal; "Each one of you kill his men who have an attachment with the Baal of Peor."
But, look! a man of the sons of Isreal came, and he was bringing near to his brothers a Midianite woman before Moses eyes and before the eyes of all the assembly of hte sons of Isreal, while they were weeping at the entrance of the tent of meeting. When Phinehas the son of Eleazar the son of Aaron the priest caught sight of it, he at once got up from the midst of the assembly and took a lance in hand. Then he went after the man of Israel into the vaulted tent and pierced them through, the man of Israel and the woman through her genital parts. At that the scourge was halted from upon the sons of Israel.

I remember this being discussed at a WT study... and the amount of time spent on the subject... was quite lengthy, it seemed every brother had a comment.... Most of the sisters stayed quiet. Several of us had our kids distracted from the rather graphic subject matter... or trying to... It just seemed to go on and on....
Words fail me in relating how this particular passage affected me... I found it quite gross... and that it intrigued so many men because of the powerful language and graphic description... which in my opinion was comletely male oriented.... stunned me....
My sister had sent me the bible that she studied from, the Life Application Bible, New International Version, and it simply states that " he drove the spear through both of them, through the Israelite and into the woman's body. " .... my very old King James says "and thrust both of them through, the man of Israel, and the woman through her belly."
Out of all the bibles I've looked at only the NWT puts it so graphically.... Accident... I'm not so inclined, but something keeping the female subjucated and something less than honoured????... Even the victorians didn't describe the situation this way... I remember my boy, about 8 at the time asking me questions about this...he thought it was "bad talk" amongst the brothers... right in the KH, so did alot of other little kids... I also remember how the male members of the congregation enjoyed discussing the subject.
I remember too, how quiet the sisters were for a couple of weeks after that...
Do any of you remember it?
Can you imagine how something like this would be related today? Makes me shake my head....
A little dip intomy WT past....
Inq

15

Congratulations! It's a boy!

by ozziepost in

jw
friends

one of our favourite posters is the proud father of a newborn baby boy.. in this world full of woe, it's nice to bring good and happy news.. congratulations to the proud parents, mr and mrs hippikon!.

cheers,.

ozzie.

Inquiry

Now that's some great news.... it's nice how something this wonderful can change our focus, even for a few minutes on the very real pleasantries of life...
I feel that children are not only the greatest joy in life, but the greatest challenge.... they are our best lessons in life....
I know mine is to me.... :)
Congratulations family hippikon
Me and mine wish you all the best :)
Inq

18

Report on meeting with PO

by freeman in

jw
friends

hello all, i think you will find this interesting:.

well the meeting took place and i have to say it had a few surprises.

one of the biggest surprises was that it was truly non-confrontational in every respect.

Inquiry

Hey Freeman.....

I always found it funny when JWs backed out by saying that they hadn't researched it. When I found out what I didn't know about the subject, I was mortified... My response to the tactic is, well, I am not so willing to give my life for something I didn't understand. It's an empty sacrifice. I don't make empty sacrifices. But, alas... it only works when it falls on willing ears.... :) Good job, but I think you should be prepared for the report this guy is going to give to the rest of the elders and possibly send on to headquarters... If they think your down, they will kick you.....

Take good care....
Inq